Last Days of Christmas Break

I am still knitting-one green pair done and working on the brown pair for Lynda. I am saving the black pair for last. It has been fun to play around with different designs and I am planning on putting the patterns on either this blog or my other crafty one that is super neglected.

Whenever my mother in law comes to visit my sewing machine and crafty self gets much more action than most of the rest of the year when work and kid caring takes up all of my time. I have been collecting some old linens from antiques stores (cheap ones) with plans to turn them into a variety of bags and stuff. Tonight my mother in law put together a bread bag for David. Did you know artisan bread is not supposed to be stored in plastic? nope..fabric works best. I bought him a bag last year when I was in Germany but it has gone all greasy and stinky so he needs a new one. I don't actually eat his bread (too hard to do with a band on a regular basis). Thus he needs to store the stuff (I was the crazy bread scarfer before the band came into my life).

I made a laptop case for a friend out of some Kath Kidston London Themed fabric and made a knitting bag out of a Deal tea towel. Now I am doing a little dabble with some machine embroidery and of course...knitting :)


I have three little days left to finish up this craft fest and really those are a false length of time. There is work that I dumped when Christmas vacation started and I really need to spend some time on it...prepping for a meeting on the 3rd, some data organization, and plan for my Winter term class. I have additionally sent off for a couple of textbooks for a math class I cannot fit into my work schedule so I am going to try and go through it myself this term (feeling like that was a crazy thought at the moment).

I really need to retire and just knit and stuff. :)

My husband is on a food-experimental fest this week. He got a couple of Hester Blumenthal cookbooks for Christmas and is diving head-long in the cooking chemistry. Some of the recipes he has named sound wacky crazy and I am scared for my stomach. snail porridge?????? I guess that would be considered a mushy food that should be avoided by an old-time bandster like myself right????? RIGHT? Come on I need back up to avoid these strange concoctions I am afraid are going to start coming out of my kitchen :)...Do you think I should continue a New Year's resolution to try new foods? EEK!

Well that's it for my ramble...

xxxooo

Please Excuse Me While I Knit-

I'm working on the fingerless gloves...One prototype didn't go so well but the second is good-first pair are green heathery.

The house is still full of food but I am getting sick of all of the sweets! I threw away a pumpkin pie today and will chuck the rest tomorrow. I ate the last frosted sugar cookie but am planning on freezing the remaining rock cookies. I think the cranberry bread will also be frozen. The fruit cake I will allow out for good behavior and the mince pies are free to remain on their plate (I don't like them).

I made turkey and rice for dinner and it was delicious! I am really craving good food. This evening for the first time in a few days I had a greek yogurt instead of another piece of sugary crud...it tasted nice and normal!

Tomorrow I am turning my Christmas house into a spring one! The trees are coming down.

I hope you are all enjoying whatever the weatherman has delivered!!

xxxooo

Third Christmas With Band-First at Goal

I treated Christmas a little differently this year than I have in years. I just let go. I did not think about dieting, I did not worry about sweets. I ate what I wanted when I wanted and how I wanted it.

Guess what?? I ate more than usual and I ate way more sweets than usual but over the last week I have gained at most one pound. This morning my scale said 165.0. I will let you know what tomorrows scale reads but as long as I dip back down into the 164 range I am all good with this holiday...more than good. It has been great!

1. I wore my first turtle neck shirt and it looked OK...No more big fat face sticking out some neck-less body and for once my boobs were small enough that having a high neck did not emphasize their hugeness.

2. I baked pumpkin pies, candied orange peel, orange rolls with cream cheese frosting, rock cookies, sugar cookies and cranberry bread. Into the house came peppermint bark, mince pies, fruit cake, chocolate cake, orange sticks, almond brittle, British chocolate. David made fresh baked bread and rolls, turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing and vegetables. I sampled several tastes everyday between very small meals and enjoyed the crap out of the things I wanted and skipped those that I did not want. I do not feel deprived at all nor do I feel guilty for what I did sample.

3. My energy has been wild good. On December 23 I took Grace to horseback riding and cleaned out 3 horse stalls then went shopping non-stop except for lunch from noon to 7pm. I came home and found out the mail did not bring a gift so I went back out again and did another hour of shopping between 7:30 and 9pm.

This combination of body well being, energy and facing food I enjoy guilt free is the most freeing experience I have ever had and every bit of band related pain/worry/angst is worth this day. The port flip and second surgery-worth it. The original indignities (barium swallow, motility test, psych evaluation and blood tests)-worth it. The fear of failure, giving up high volume eating, giving up burgers and fries, McDonalds, and even bread for a time...worth it. every stuck episode or session of barfing because I overate...worth it.

I love my band and the life it has given me.

And The Winners Are!

I was going to print off the list of names and have Grace draw them from a hat. I then remembered that my husband studies random number generators for a living. Then...we had to have a lengthy conversation about the math behind drawing names...30 minutes later I was sitting next to three sticky notes with 22 names on it and four prizes to give away. Yes we are nerds...and I kind of like that about us.

So...he let a super accurate machine make my list of random numbers (gotta love technology) and I am going to let you all pick your prize..you are going to have to email me your addresses so I can send them off. If you are lucky and live close you might get you package before Christmas if not...perhaps for the New Year just in time for resolutions.

here are the names of those who commented during the last few weeks (after my first goal post prize announcement). 1. Alison, 2. Annie, 3. Tessierose, 4. Dinnerland, 5. Bunny, 6. Lapband Gal, 7. Cozy Coconut, 8. Jen, 9. Rachel, 10. Alison, 11. Lynda, 12. Caroline (at Lonicera), 13. Jacquie, 14. Lyla, 15. Amanda, 16. Gen, 17. Read, 18. Sandy Lee, 19. Kellie, 20. Maree, 21. Caroline at the Dash, 22. Libby.

The winning numbers:

1. 22
2. 8
3.18
4.11

So that means....that Libby She picked the bike seat!, Jen she picked black fingerless gloves, Tessierose, and Lynda

The four of you need to send me your prize preference and your address to tina@deadhat.com in order to claim your prize. I can make any number of fingerless gloves but there is only one big butt bike seat and one set of lights so Libby gets first pick, and Jen second..I will let you know what remains. If you pick gloves also pick your favorite color :)...man this prize picking is more complicated than the number generator stuff.

xxxooo

Tomorrow I Draw Names

This is the last chance for anyone who want to get their name in on the drawing for the goods. The give away list is: bike seat, bike lights, fingerless gloves (or wrist-warmers). You do get to pick what you want of course. Don't hold back if you are not interested in one item as I am more than willing to knit my little brains out if you don't want to become a night-rider or even a rider at all :)

Today was our neighborhood annual Christmas party. I help out most years (the person in charge is a bit of a super organizer and really gives no one else the chance and I am cool with that-most of the time). We had a few words at the end (as you know me..practicing the drawing of the lines and all that). I drew a line by snapping back when I was told how exactly I was supposed to put the things I was taking home away. Needless to say I was really pissed off by this persons micro-managing tendencies.

During the event I sat down next to a woman from the neighborhood. I have met her a few times but not really had any lengthy conversations with her. She was very nice and commented on my weight-loss. I told her (as I usually do) that it was largely helped by surgical intervention. She responded with..oh I know that gets you started but you can undo things quite quickly if you do not make lifestyle changes along the way. yada yada..about 20 minutes later this woman invited me to do a triathlon with her!! I kept thinking..what who is near me?? you asked me what? The I looked some more because for a split second I actually, very briefly, thought about saying yes!!! I quickly came to my senses and ate an oreo off the cookie table :)....nah..I don't think I am yet up to a triathlon but oddly for once in my life I know I could really do it if I wanted to. The bike at this particular one is 5 miles, the swim is 1/4 mile and the run 1.5 miles. I am thinking about it...maybe. It could provide me with yet another reason to get a tattoo :)

Tomorrow I will talk about anything i missed from this whole goal meeting fiasco celebration week that turned into two or even three.

xxxooo

My First Bike Crash

I took a good long ride with my old work colleague today. We went out to my..used to be..favorite trail. The one that runs right along in front of the house and property we want to buy.

..hmm better start at the beginning. We started with lunch at a little local place called Maggie's Buns in Forest Grove. It is a really cool, real food kind of deli and bakery. I had a cup of fish chowder (another one of those used to hate and now love food items). It went down beautifully. I definitely recommend a cup of soup before a ride. I have had trouble on each of my previous rides after eating toast, oatmeal and even a yogurt...things just stuck above my stoma and would not go through.

After we drove up to the trail head and began our preparations for the ride. Because I had to work in the morning I wore my black stretch pants and a black mini dress thingy I have with an orange t-shirt underneath. I also wore my boots. When we got to the trail head parking I had to pee in the worst way and although in the summer there is a porta potty..in the Winter..no. I quickly sprinted over to a group of trees, pulled my commando stretch pants down (you do know your supposed to go commando when you wear bike pants right?) and had my first outside cop a squat pee in more than 15 years. Guess what?? It is totally easy when you are not fat anymore!!! I did a wall sit thing against the tree and the pee didn't get on my clothing or shoes at all!!!

I then went back to the car put on my bike shorts over my stretch pants (warmth for my legs), a balaclava (bank robber hat), my orange tshirt, a thermal underwear shirt and a big old red windbreaker with padding that has a big pouch for a front pocket. I then added my gloves and helmet and we were off.

The first 1/2 of the trail is a gentle incline for about 10 miles or so. I climbed away even though I have not been in a my bike in a couple of months. I got a bit winded a couple of times and had to get off once to give my jelly filled legs a break. Henry (my colleague) readjusted my seat as he thought it had dropped again after he readjusted it for me last time. It makes a HUGE different to have a properly adjusted seat!!

I decided to turn around after we hit the top of the trail as I wasn't sure I could make it back up the other side if we carried on. we turned around and started talking gears and pedaling and speed as we coasted down the hill we had just climbed. About a mile on i rounded a corner that was kind of blind and I was worried I would run into people coming up (it is a busy trail and was busy today). I veered to the right to avoid a pine cone on the trail and came just a little to close to the edge..it sloped away at an angle. The front wheel of my bike went to the right and I went to the left. I have three numb fingers on my right hand. an oozing bleeding thing on my right thumb, Two bruised knees, road rash covered left elbow and a big bump above my left eyebrow with a little scab. Oh and a pair of crooked glasses.

After I laid down on the ground for a bit mentally checking whether I had a concussion or had broken any bones i rolled up and Henry said...well get back on then I am not carrying you back to the car and we have a long way to go. I then moaned about the pain for a while. It then got cold and we both moaned about the cold. My three numb fingers began multiplying in the frigid wind. My crookedy glasses were fogging up and i was dripping blood from my thumb on my handlebars as I held on. I of course went really slow....and carefully went around further pine cones and oncoming people...we made it back to within sight of the car and both of us put on the gas a little. Before we could get to our parking lot we had one more wooden bridge to cross and guess what happened ....This time Henry's bike slipped across the bridge and i crashed into him landing back down on my knees (he swears it was his head that took my fall).

I came directly home, showered and laid on the couch until dinner...

Then guess what...because i had thrown my clothes all over the floor in my pain and hurry to shower we got a knock on the door. A couple wanted to look at the house. They did and as I type are making an offer on the thing (even though Graces room was a tip and my biking clothes were left in a heap on the floor)..Crazy eh?

xxxooo

So This is Christmas-At Our House-At Goal

Since our house if for sale, we are having Christmas at our house and I really do feel more in the Christmas spirit than normal, the house is decorated for the holidays more than it normally would be.



Living room-This is my pretty tree-The one that I decorate all in green and silver with some white thrown in. I originally bought a variety of green balls but over time have collected crystal prisms, beaded tassels, white bisque angels, green glittery stars and white sparkly stars. There are also some blown glass icicles thrown on for good measure.



My older daughters went together and bought this poinsettia for me. I always say I should buy one but never do. They decided to give me this as my present early enough so I could enjoy it. In each corner of the room I have glass containers from my local discount store (home goods). I bought them for about 6 dollars each and then found paper-white bulbs and amaryllis bulbs at the grocery store for 4 dollars. I found some potting soil in the garage and planted them. They turned out better than I expected. I love seeing the roots growing through the glass.



This is the family room and the family tree. It is decorated with multi-colored lights and a mixture of collected ornaments. I have packaging tags that my mother made. She printed old family pictures of my great grandparents and me as a child. They are labeled on the back. David has a string of hot chili pepper lights. I have a string of bubble lights. There are ornaments made by the girls when they were small as well as hot pink balls from my grandmothers tree when I was a child. There are also several blown glass pine cone ornaments..cause i like them. Oh and champagne corks with quarters in them commemorating significant events from our lives together. There is one from our wedding (the quarter is 2000) and one from Grace was born (2001)



Does anyone want to come over for cookies and drink orange juice and peppermint schnapps? I love love orange juice and peppermint schnapps..in fact I just had one...yum.



No fully decorated house is complete without a Christmas tree in the bathroom right? :)...I did this one a few years ago and it is small enough that I can just pick it up and put it in an old cylindrical box I have from my grandmother complete with decorations and all. It is covered in small shell decorations I made by hot gluing them onto the wires. The tree topper is a small beaded start a friend made for me.



The ghost of Christmas past?...I like it when pictures do this. Yes it is me. I was trying to get the candles lit before David took the pictures.

I got on the scale this morning and it hit 163.0. I am still losing despite the fact that I am sampling cookies, candies, and eating reasonably sized (with my new eye to reasonable) meals. At this point I am feeling a bit better about this whole goal thing. I think I really can maintain this. I am even thinking that I might have a little un-fill to stop the scale from slowly ticking down. I think my threshold is another 4 or 5 pounds. If it hits the bottom I will go get some saline taken out.

I have never really hit goal before on any of my diets so I am not sure if this is different than goal by any other means. It is definitely different than any other diet quitting I did. Whenever I 'gave up' before it was a license to indulge and stop weighing myself. I did it time and time again. That is different this time. Really, I think because i don't really feel like I have had to give anything up-just eat a bite here or there on the hardest things and a small portion on the easier things. I also think it is because I am not hungry really. I will tell you that food seems to be tasting extraordinarily good to me right now. I am not sure if that is my body trying to fight back on the weight-loss thing or if I am just savoring small bits more thoroughly.

Happy Holiday's to all not matter where you are and how far from goal. When you get discouraged dig deep and figure out what needs to be learned from this journey. It is after all a fine balancing act between the physical (fills, and our thermostat) and mental (believing we can and changing life choices). If I can do it (miss never hit a goal on a diet in her life) so can you.

xxxooo

Skin and Boobs-Boobs and Skin

Today is the day. I dug them out and I am about to upload the down side of weight loss. SKIN...I have it. All is fine when I stuff this skin into my clothes. It is the naked or clothing that reveals too much that can be problematic. When I was obese I could wear shorter shorts..my legs were pretty firm and shapely. Now...of course I look way better everywhere else in my shorts but..my thighs are wrinkly. I do have bat wings. I do have quite the flop of a stomach. The boob pic you are about to get does not reveal the sag..


To be fair here I did have to angle the camera to just the right angle to get this arm flap at its worst. I do wear sleeveless tops but avoid lifting my arms when-ever possible. I also do not teach in sleeveless tops as when I write on the board my arms flap about.


Probably the worst body part I have right now-I have plenty of bones underneath that skin and when I lay down or even recline they stick out. when I stand...well not so much. I am torn on whether i want a body lift or not. I would really rather have adventures with the money than I would go under the knife I guess. Before you get all worried about the dog jowl look I have going on at the bottom of my stomach...that is the result of 4 full on external vertical c-section cuts. Yet another side effect of obesity. They don't want to give girls with tummy flap horizontal incisions because they apparently do not heal well.



This is as close to a boob shot as you will ever get. Really when I have no bra on my boobs are not there at all..I look flat as a pancake with a couple of nips appearing about 3 inches above my navel.

I don't have leg pics for you just yet...I tried but all of them turned out showing way too much..umm pubic area. I do have a bit of FUPA sag so I perked up a bit when I Gen at I heart the Band mentioned that a tuck might take care of that as well.

Do Over-

All-righty-oh it is a new week and I cannot believe the H.E. double hockey sticks two weeks I have just had. I also cannot believe that after 2 and 1/2 years that goal came along right in the middle of it all.

As I said on the vlog, everyday was cram-packed with mostly work related stuff and partially crammed with kid fun but have to help out kinds of things. Additionally there were Christmas cards to get out, presents to pack and ship to the UK and house cleaning to maintain as Sunday is open house day. Finally..I can breathe a bit. I still have another week of work at my university job but my grades are in and the work that remains is all about data input checking and passing out new surveys to our study participants.

Grace has a Choir concert tomorrow after her Girl-scout meeting (I do not have to attend!!) but at least I will be home for the concert (the first one that has not been scheduled while I am teaching). Two of my daughters have gone out of town for a bit of a vacation with their dad and two (Meghan and Grace) are home and helping out a bit. My husbands mum has arrived and she, as always, spoils me and helps out like crazy!

Just to give you a window into my day:

1. 7am-up and make school lunch for Grace.
2. 7:50-8:10: graph some data that I should have done over the weekend.
3. 8:10-8:45 Drive to Fedex/kinkos and make copies of the Christmas photo page I created over the weekend.
4. 8:50-10:50 Dentist for the second of I don't know how many appointments to work on my root canal (A whole story by itself..see below).
5. 10:50-11:30-finish gathering work papers and off to meeting.
6. 12:00-4:00 pm Meeting where I had to participate part of the time and type up what was going on in the meeting the rest for data collection.
7. 4:30 Home and make chicken pot pie for dinner (with help from David and Granny).
8. While pot pie is baking I went out and put on one of 5 coats of silver spray paint for Grace's school art project (I have 8 to spray for her classmates and hers).
9. 5:30 Grace's friend's family stopped by and I invited them to dinner (long story but it was the sad look in the dads eyes when he said his wife had to work late). 10. 6:30 dinner over and kitchen clean up.
11. 7:30-got an email that a family friend had lice in her home (rapid lice check on Grace while frantically putting in a pony tail and itching my own head) Crisis averted-she is clean for now. At least I got to sit down for the lice check.
12. 8:00-9:00 Had three students email complaining about their final grade. Spent and hour rechecking grade calculations to make sure I was fair.
13. 9:00-10:00Read emails and blogs
14. 10:00-10:47 (typing this)...and this is a day where I can fit a blog post in!! The last two weeks have been days where I couldn't.

Oh and did I tell you I am sick?? My mother in law (because she spoils us like crazy) gave me her flu/cold. She says cold i say flu because I swear i have a fever. I did tell her all of the gift giving and spoiling has gone a step too far..I really did not need the flu.

So here is the plan-all of you who already put your names in as comments (although there aren't very many of you-don't you want the stuff??) will still be in the drawing. So...anyhow....I am going to start this goal week party over again. The good news is that all that stuff i promised last week will be coming up this week. This includes those long awaited skin pics and another blog.

so the prizes again-if there is no picture click on the name of the prize to see a picture of the item.

1. bicycle light set

2. My own person big butt bike seat (to help the transition into bicycling)



3. And one of two pairs of hand-knitted fingerless gloves (knitted by moi) in a color of your choice. The gloves look somewhat like these but beware I might not but skilled enough for the fancy cables.

Ok the dentist story-

I have a new dentist (well he is of a more advanced age than I am..but he is new to me). He is nice enough but today I went in for a second appointment to work on a root canal that he started last week.

Despite the fact that he said he would make sure and give me super numb to save me the pain of the drill he didn't. It might be because I told him I had to do a presentation at noon but sheesh..i am not willing to exchange ceiling hanging pain for feeling in my tongue when I talk.

So three gum-line Novocaine shots later and too many to count shots down into my gaping tooth cavity he finally drilled the baby out and poked the saw blade down deep enough to kill whatever nerve that remained.

IN addition to the drill and saw blade work they also beat me about with their stupid bite wing x-rays. I am tongue tied (cannot stick my tongue out even) and it has not been a problem ever in my life until i had this tooth problem. Apparently there is no room for the bite wing to fit between my tongue and the tooth root they needed pictures of. With much gagging and mouth tissue damage they managed a picture of my poor tooth.

Then to add insult to injury as the dentist was taking off the dental dam and tooth ring he manage to hook my lip in his pliers and give me a large cut (ok after viewing the picture i should revise this to just cut). He then used some super glue stuff to hold the cut together but tonight the thing is oozing like I have been in a fist fight with my husband (hmmm maybe I could work that one??).

Ok this picture makes it look way smaller than it feels :) Looks?..Really it feels huge!!

xxxooo

Finally!! Vlog

The video blog is here Be warned listen in a quiet location because the volume is really quiet.

Be kind :) xxxooo

Watch for it..Vlog

I got one step closer to the vlog event today. I figured out how to record the thing (although it is kinda boring). I need to now figure out how to actually upload and connect this to the video.

Topics included: Goal, boobs, exercise, boundaries, self-esteem, Christmas.

It is coming.
xxxooo

This is a Test of the Emergency Broadcasting System

I am still trying to do a vlog..The scary thing is that I actually taught teachers how to teach with technology!! and here miss incapable cannot manage to make a vlog work. sheesh I told my husband tonight to just record me on his flipping phone and upload it to my computer.

I am going to have to postpone celebratory blogging until next week..I give. This means you get more time to comments and get in on the give away-s it also means that you will have to practice patience (good for bandsters anyway don't you think??). I know practicing patience was difficult for me but very necessary!!

The good news is that I am getting plenty of time to think about what to actually say in the vlog when I manage to wrestle technology to the ground and make it work. I have even thought up a bit of a band related math lesson :) ohh actually two!! just thought of another.

I spent today in the dentists chair and in Wall-greens waiting to have my prescription filled. I went in for a check-up mentioned i had had a bit of a toothache over Thanksgiving and viola..root canal. He tried to give me minimal numbing agent but 2 hours later he was slicing away at the inside of my tooth after 5 shots of Novocaine and multiple agonizing moans on my part. I then had to go through the explanation of having a band (because I cannot take anti-biotics in pill form anymore. He asked if I had any tylenol in liquid form and I do in fact have alieve (my doctor prescribed it for me ages ago).

I then had to go to the pharmacy and wait for over an hour with my two year old grandson. We finally started opening yet to be purchased pretzel packets and bread to keep him occupied while dingbats hassled little old ladies about their lack of insurance and failed to find anyone actually on the computer. When it was my turn they had not yet made the suspension and I had to wait for them to pour in the water and then was told that I had to eat before I took my liquid antibiotics. I explained to the PHARMACIST (you know trained professional here!!) that I had a band and she looked at me like I was an alien and just said..this might irritate your stomach. I then explained that if I did that the anti-biotic would sit in my esophagus and irritate it. again the blank stare and a shoulder shake....geeezzzzz there are some consequences to this band.

I promise to get back on track soon~

xxxooo

Exhausting Full Day-What No Bounce?

I cannot believe this but I actually have not gotten a bounce in my weight this time. I landed on 164 and am sticking like a good gymnast :) I half expect that scale to dip to 163 but I'm not waiting or anything :)

I have not forgotten my list..why I had so much time when I didn't weight 164 and now none when I do is beyond me. I am planning on pulling out my old mac (with a working camera) tomorrow morning to 'do' the vlog. I am off to bed to think of what to say...Now if this were a good math lecture I would have no problems. I am not shy but this vlog thing is making me nervous.


nail biting going on here.

xxxooo

Damn and Blast-Day 1 Goal Posts

So I am already having to do some rearranging of the schedule because I cannot figure out how to do a vlog??? I looked on the web but apparently my little laptop has substandard equipment and it is going to take more than a quick sit-down in the evening to figure out. soo...vlog postponed but instead I will reorganize things a bit.

Up tonight: What I have learned and...begin the give away.

What I have learned:

1. Weightloss is about the little things not the big ones. Changing just one thing consistently is much more important than grand gestures that can only be maintained for short periods of time.

2. weightloss is a delayed thing. Being good this week does not mean you will lose weight at the end of the week. Being bad this week does not mean that you will gain weight at the end of the week. It does mean there are consequences and rewards for your actions but the reaction might take a few weeks to show up. I believe for me it is more along the lines of two weeks for any action than one.

3. Weightloss is physical. Like everyone I was afraid that the band would not work for me (really this mean that I was afraid that I would fail again despite it). When I shifted my view to one of a battle between my body chemistry against the dynamic duo- the band and I- things became more successful. I viewed my obesity as a physical illness. My metabolic thermostat was off kilter. It said I was hungry or desired food when it was really not in my best interests to eat. No one knows how to fix our thermostats really but the band helped me control the thing by helping my body feel full/satisfied. My part was staying on top of my fills. listening to my band. eating healthy protein rich foods first and limiting high calorie slider foods (notice i used the word limit there). I also tried to listen to what my body said. I did not always act on the 'voices' but I did try to listen. I figured out that when my body got really hungry it meant it was about to drop off some weight and was fighting against it.

4. When I weighed 304 pounds I was sunk in a hole so deep it was almost impossible to climb out. fatigue was my friend. When I was tired I was grouchy, felt defeated and very often hopeless. As the pounds came off I found energy that I never had before. Incorporating movement (not the hardcore difficult to maintain kind but steady, simple and enjoyable activities) brings more well-being and more energy. It is a wonderful thing.

5. Food is to be enjoyed, savored and consumed with friends. Tasting, experimenting are fun. Having food adventures is a great way to keep things exciting and stay satisfied. The band means that you will never have to eat too much of anything :)

6. We really (REALLY) do not need to eat as much as we think we do. 1/2 cup of food might not be what we are used to but it is enough.

7. Our lapband doctors don't know jack--They know the band works (mostly) but they have not studied, how we live with them, or even how to help us maximize the lapband's usefulness. Instead we have done that here with blogs and other bandy discussion boards in a somewhat unscientific but pretty helpful kind of way.

8. Socially life is way different as a thin person than it was as an obese person. I am more visible now than I was fat. My day to day interactions with people are friendlier, more personal and more alive than they ever were as an obese person. People look me in the eye (they did not before). People hold open doors, help me pick up dropped papers, say hello, look at me and just smile. This never happened before. Is it because I have somehow changed and exude more confidence?? Maybe but I somehow doubt it..I really think that being fat is much like having a missing limb or living in a wheel chair. People do not want to stare so they avoid any personal contact with you. It is their way of trying to be polite or politically correct but instead it robs one of the joys of community socialization. I am going to try and remember this..and treat all kinds of people who feel different in a more personal and friendly way (yup that means I am going to look people in the eye and say hello and smile). I am still experimenting but have tried it once of twice with positive results.

9. I still feel the same. I did not feel obese (whatever that feels like) when I was obese and I do not feel thin now. I feel...the same. Sure I have more energy but I still feel like me. I wonder if part of the reason I failed to really notice my years of weight gain was because I do not have a good sense of the space I take up in the world? I don't know really.

10. Losing weight with the lapband is a re-normalizing process. It is not like dieting. There are no good and bad foods. There is no success and failure. There is a pathway. It might wind a bit. It may have some ups and then downs. It might seem long and frustrating at times but the band is there..waiting. Waiting for the time when you are ready to use it and change the little things that add up to big things that add up to success. It is funny really I was all worried about what goal would mean and really I was already here all along. doing the best I can do to eat healthily and enjoyably and exercise so I can continue to enjoy everything that started me on this path and think of new and exciting things to try out.

Give Away

So my give-away's (yup you read right..there is an s meaning more than one). I have tried to think of stuff that would be lapband motivating but really as you can see in number 10...there is nothing really band specific that got me to goal. Here is the list of things that I am going to send out to anyone who comments during the week (this is your chance silent followers!!!).

give away 1. A set of lights for your bike (my first bike-riding was done at night). Now you too can ride your bike after dark. It is great exercise!!

give away 2. A big butt seat-put this on any bike and it will help you ease your butt into bicycling again. Use it for a while and then upgrade to a custom fit job. Just pay it forward by giving it to another new biker after you.

give away 3. A hand knit pair of fingerless gloves. You choose-green or black. Great for keeping your freezing hands warm after you lose weight.

There--that is enough to get us started (if I think of some more I will add). Now post me some questions and get your name in. First pulled on Sunday will get first pick of the prizes and so on after that.

xxxooo

Goal Post Number 1

In honor of hitting the huge goal line in this lapband journey I am plotting and planning a week of posts. Feel free to make suggestions-The posting begins tomorrow. Here is the game plan thus far:

day 1-Monday-vlog (and begin the give-away comment pool)
day 2-Tuesday-before and after pictures (swimsuits included)
day 3-Wednesday-skin pics
day 4-Eating changes
day 5-what I have learned
day 6-Exercise?
day 7-what is next?

I am totally open to suggestions-questions-whims-if you post a question I will answer it on the vlog tomorrow in fact.


yesterday after an unplanned return home (ah to be anonymous) after the Thanksgiving holidays we all went up to a cool Christmas tree farm and cut down trees (two for my house and one for Nichole's). From left to right-Jamarri (Cinda's boyfriend),Cinda (third oldest daughter), David (hubby), Me, Meghan (second oldest daughter), Nichole (oldest daughter). Nichole is holding Grant (grandson) and Grace (youngest daughter) is down in front :)

xxxooo

It Happened!!

I don't have time to give you a long post right now but I wanted to pop on and let you all know...the scale read 164.2 this morning. Goal...

xxxooo

Thanksgiving Truck Butt?

Hi all,

I am snuggled up in a bed at my parents house typing this. Yesterday we drove on treacherous roads covered in ice to get here. I am a bit of a whimp and we had four wheel drive but it was fairly slow going and made me nervous (8 hours on the road normally a 5 hour drive). We all made it in one piece. David, Grace, Nichole, Grant and I came earlier in his truck and we were followed later in the afternoon by my two other daughters (Meghan and Cinda and Cinda's boyfriend). I really wanted to throw in my bike but the ice was just to bad and not worth hauling it up here.

As of yesterday I was holding at 165 but I have a feeling (totally might be disappointed) that I might have done all the right things to get that last pound off. I will pop on my mom's scale today to see...will also check in with you if it reads what I think it might. You know the perfect storm of eating day combined with many stops to the bathroom for water evacuation.

This weekend is not going to be the weekend I had hoped for. There was a bit of a mess at work last week. A colleague threw some accusations out in an email with my name smack in the middle of the ranting and it has backfired on her (thank goodness). My other colleagues circled the wagons around me (I am so grateful and happy about this). I am the new girl in town but there were very nice to me. I did fire a pointed email back in my own defense (she had no basis in her accusations nor was she accurate. In the process exposed several weaknesses in her own work). one of my bosses followed my email up with one of support and the second hauled this persons backside into his office and ...lets just say yelling and threats of job loss occurred). The result, however, is that I feel like I need to perform some extraordinary act of workiness to prove my worth-picking up the slack where my colleague left off. There is a pile to get done at this job and another pile for my teaching job.

The down side is my mother frowns on public displays of work during holiday visits. I am either going to have to escape to my room to do it or not do it. Escaping seems the best plan at this point. I also brought my knitting (which I would so much rather do!!)

Oh I almost forgot..the truck butt. My backside is just not up to sitting anymore. I think this is probably the best thing that could have happened for my weightloss but it is a pain in the butt for holidays. The truck ride up was agony..I kept shifting from cheek to cheek to try and take the pressure off my poor butt bone. When I arrived at my parents house I hauled all of the suitcases upstairs and put all of the food away (we will not discuss a touch of resentment over the fact I was doing the hauling alone). When I finally made it back into the the family packed living room the only chair left was the most uncomfortable rocking chair. I lasted about two hours with some up and down butt pressure reliving trips to the kitchen, bathroom etc. At 11 I just could not take it anymore and came to bed so that I could at least lay down.

The food...since so much talk is going on about today's menu I will put in my two cents. Not worried at all here. I have never really had too much trouble over the holiday itself. My issues have been the days after where I continue to eat like a pig with leftovers of sweets and fattening items. Really if you look at it rationally the Thanksgiving menu does not have to be scary at all...Turkey? heck that is a diet food. Mashed potatoes (band hell for me..one tablespoon tops). Gravy-sure a little but it mass quantities its not very good anyway. Stuffing-why just a tablespoon. a bit of veg to keep me regular and a spoon of cranberry and I am good to go.

The pies..well I cannot eat anything after 6 ish to avoid acid reflux in my sleep so if dinner goes through before then I can have a sliver of pumpkin (my favorite) and be satisfied. There will be cookies hanging around this afternoon. I might have one or I might pop out for a coffee but either way...no stress. Can you tell I have recovered from the PMS stressiness of the past couple of weeks? :) I am one in the zen calmness zone (it is a family holiday however so I will let you know how long I manage to keep my blood pressure down-we do tend to hmm debate strongly here).

Happy Thanksgiving to all in the states. Happy day to everyone else!!

xxxooo

Battle of the Band :)

It is period time here at my house and sadly my band has opened itself right on back up. I was soooooo hungry last night for utter crap it is scary. I am still hanging within one or two pounds of my desirable 164 and if I gained any water weight because of the period build up this just might be the thing to get me there. That battling part however is that I am so hungry that I might just gain weight while I wait for the release of water retention to happen.

As long as there are no baked goods in the house. Last night at the bunco group I attend one of the girls provided us with an array of items from her culinary practice at baking school (she is training to be a pasty chef!!)...it was all to good to pass up. In my defense I only had partial pieces of each item but ohh...they were so very good and together I am sure enough calories to do damage.

Warning food porn: Hand whipped angel food cake (it tasted moist and like angel food cake but without the rubbery texture you get with a boxed or purchased one..this one was very cake-like in texture. Peanut butter cookies (no more needed). Apple cake (it had a nice balanced cinnamon flavor and a sweet crust that melted on your tongue with big pieces of apple). Almond wafers (lovely meringue cookie but with a slightly stronger crumb and a subtle almond after kick). There were savory things but they weren't made from scratch and I was in it for the flavor and I am a sweets kinda girl.

Thanksgiving is also not going to help my cause but I am trying the positive self-talk approach..... I have a lifetime to get it off...I have a lifetime to get it off...The band always works...the band will be there when I am ready.. :) Do you think it will work?

xxxooo

Mullet Lady

Just after I got the band my hair started falling out. Since then a steady stream of hair follows me around where ever I go. My hair coats the passenger side of my car (because i run my fingers through my head and then drop them on the passenger floor). I have hair on the back of the couch, on the floor near my 'spot' on the couch. Hair coats both of my bathroom floors and shows up in piles when I sweep. I don't have pets that live in my house but i might as well have...I am the shedder. My hair did thin in this process. It wasn't just the hair laying around that was problematic. I went from a two loop pony tail with my extra heavy and large pony tail holder to a triple loop.

Something started changing around about August though..I noticed that I had a a host of small fuzzy hair around my hair line. I used to have this hair as a child up until I really reached adulthood (I called them baby hairs as a child). Just a little background-i had really short, slow growing as a child. In fact I looked like a boy until I was almost 5. The short hair thickened for years and when length finally kicked in I had a really thick head of hair (thick strands as well as lots of it). When the weight-loss was accompanied by hair loss I was OK with it really. A little lost of hair was totally worth the pounds loss and I figured it would soon stop or at least slow down. Well it really didn't. I have shed hair for more than two years now. This summer it finally got to the point where I could see scalp through my hair. and then around August the fuzz came.

I noticed the fuzz but with my new job i got busy and kind of forgot about it until today when I attempted to put in a partial ponytail and noticed that it looked like I had a mullet!!! I now have a short man haircut hiding under my long hair. I am not really sure how to cope with this problem. if I pull back the top strands all you see is slightly fuzzy 2 inch long hair with really long strands hanging down my neck. When I wear it all the way back I just have a mans hair cut with a pony tail in the back (kind of looks like one of those rat-tails that some boys wear only thicker :))...

I used to have a really good hairdresser and I am debating going back to him. I got too cheap and i was breaking out in hives every time I tried to color my hair so I lapsed as a customer. With long hair Great Clips (the local walk in pay 15 bucks for a hack job) worked fine. Now...I need helppppppp.

Ok you long timers...did your lost hair come back and did you sport one short haircut under another? what did you do? I am even thinking I might need to try out a really short do for a while (this has never gone well for me..I always look like a guy when i have short hair).


xxxooo

Scale Apology

I have been cussing out my scale of late. It has been acting very irregular and inconsistent. I even at one point threatened to throw my scale away and get a new 'old school' one with weights and sliders and everything. Well..my poor scale was running low on juice. This morning I tapped it with my foot. Then tapped it with my toe...nothing. The scale had died. There was a new battery sitting in the battery box that fit (I am sure it was one of those you can only buy a two pack when you need one batter situations). Well for once we did not just go out and buy more batteries. We actually looked in the box where batteries are supposed to be kept and voila...there the little funny sized battery sat waiting to be put into service.

My scale works again. She still did not give me the answers I desired (no gain, no loss..just sitting on 165). I will take that and keep my patience...or try to keep my patience...for the final drop to 164.

Food Log

10am-noon-1/2 Cup of Tea with milk and 1 tsp of sugar (I had a full cup but let it go cold and then it gave me a stomach ache read below for the weird story).
1:30-1/2 sugar cookie, 1/2c leftover mac and cheese.
2:30-sugar cookie
3:00-5:00-2 cups kettle corn, 4 dots (went to see Harry Potter)
7:00-1 pc personal Pizza hut cheese pizza
7:30-1/2c cream of broccoli soup (i ordered it but they forgot and I ate some of Grace's pizza)
9:00pm-Mango smoothie.

The tea story-
a couple of weeks ago I had trouble getting my tea down. I got scared and went in for an un-fill the same day. Well guess what gave me trouble again this morning. The same..i let a travel cup of tea with milk go cold and voila..my tummy responded with pain and threatened to come back on me. I am now wondering if I needed that un-fill after all!! I am doing OK just now--pretty good restriction so I am not going to complain too loudly but obviously I have found yet another food I need to watch out for. The good news is that cold tea isn't really that good anyway :)

xxxooo

I Have Horse Butt

I felt great yesterday after the riding. There is a reason you only have a lesson once a week. I am having difficulty moving (sore inner thighs, sore butt, sore arms)

I am off to Saturday job-more math.


CRAzy...but good for me.

xxxooo

Living Adventurously Post Band

I have pursued this stage in my life and lapband experience as an adventure of sorts. I don't feel great everyday and I don't think positively all of the time but when given the opportunity to try new things I have vowed to pursue them with enthusiasm. Today I took my first horseback riding lesson.

For several months now I have told you about my youngest daughter Grace's passion for horses and horseback riding. As she is continuing with pursuit of the hobby, doing the odd competition and we are planning on moving to a location where we can keep horses (as well as chickens and I hope a nice wool bearing sheep or goat) I need to learn how to handle a horse I figure. My daughters riding teacher suggested a few weeks ago that since I always clean out her stalls that she wold comp me a few horseback riding lessons in exchange for my stall cleaning.

I jumped and spent this morning at the stable on the back of Mr. T (an old Gray gelding). I like the guy. He is in his late 70's in people years and he is a tad stubborn and crotchety as one would expect an old cowboy horse to be. I am riding on an English saddle (and it is WAYYYY more comfortable than a western saddle). Mr T is an old school horse and although he has his bad habits (likes trying to nip at you while pulling on his saddle and stopping for no apparent reason in the middle of things) he is a good guy.

I rode him in a sand filled arena. First I got on the saddle (not too hard) learned how English rein holding is different than western. Then I spent the next 1/2 hour getting him to move around in a large oval. He tends to track back towards the teacher so I had to learn how to keep him moving and keep him walking against the wall. This took much more physical effort than I ever would imagine. It is a pretty decent inner thigh work out as you have to subtly push your calves against the horses sides every two or three steps. I also had to keep tugging at his right reign to keep him against the wall (two short straight jerks). I kept moving my whole body to get him to move and it just didn't really work. Funny really because it took lots of effort to keep him against the wall but to get him to turn a corner all I needed to do was look where I wanted to go and he could sense that (with a saddle between my butt and everything) and figure out where to go.

Mr T in his advanced age needs to be turned out to pasture and I have offered our riding teacher my place in exchange for letting me ride him on the long riding trail that will be located behind the place we have found and are interested in. She is happy about this as she needs another school horse and it is expensive to keep a non-working horse in stables. It will still cost a bit to keep him on our property but I think it will be worth it to have the mellow old guy when Grace and I go riding together.

The meandering point I am badly trying to make here is...my advice is to go for things that you normally would have avoided before getting the band. If you have the opportunity to do something out of the ordinary, eat something you haven't eaten before, talk to new people or see something exciting and new say YES and give it a try. It has yielded a whole host of new things that I enjoy as a result and a more active healthy lifestyle too!

Jen-on her blog talked today about feeling worried about posting her food because she feels like she eats differently than we do...perhaps somehow not the way of a model bandster? She does mention that every band path is different and I agree but i figured I had better own up to the fact that I either post really good or really bad eating days and rarely post the normal everyday in between stuff. In her honor-here is my day 2.

8 am-cup of tea.
9:45 am -skim peppermint mocha
12:30 pm- fish taco from my fav Mexican taco stand (just the insides and two bites of the tortilla)
2 pm- a sugar cookie
5 pm-two mini rice cakes
5 pm-an almond
6pm-another sugar cookie

Ok I ate the bits below but then promptly got stuck on something and am continuing to try and throw the thing up...it hurts. and yes even a girl on the cusp of goal is stupid enough to shovel goldfish down and chase it with noodles. I need to be hit on the back of the head!!!!
6:30-1/2 cup of goldfish
7:15-two bites of home-made mac and cheese (couldnt eat anymore because i ate the stupid goldfish).


xxxooo

Long Hours, Pics and What I Ate.

I stayed up until 3am last night grading papers. I still have a stack more to do because I have made too many assignments for one of my classes...I don't think it is too much for them but 1. I let some of it stack up and 2. I don't make quick to grade kind of assignments. I expect them to do the math, solve problems and synthesize stuff. That takes words and work. My biggest mistake was to ask my students to each critique each others presentations. I then had the bright idea of typing the comments up and giving them back to students. I should have made a form and had them fill it in. I could have then cut off their names and given the forms back to them without typing. I will do that next time. I do love teaching this class though so they are worth the effort (well maybe not 3am but close to worth the 3am thing).

Lack of sleep always screws with my weight so I sort of kind of forgot to weight this morning. I had my bra on and was pulling on my pants when I spotted the scale and said..shoot forgot to stand on it. I skipped it and ran off to a full day of meetings and teaching.

I downloaded some pictures off my camera. I found the ones of my new dress from New York...I will upload a couple. I had a bit of fun with David and did a bit of model posing so don't think I am normally a dork (Ok so maybe I am normally a dork).


This dress is a real departure for me. I am normally a solid color wearer...I have always wanted to be one of those people who can pull of the slightly artistic hippy kind of look. I think this dress fits the category. I do not know if this is the style I will always settle on but it is kind of fun at this stage to explore different clothing styles and figure out what I want to be...my old fat style was does it fit? does it cover my stomach? is it comfortable? Ok..that is my style.

Ok the food list is making its way around the blogs--here is my food today.

Between 9-11 can of Diet Coke (I have been slipping back to the Diet Coke thing)
11-11:30- about 1/2 cup of my little trail mix (cashews, pretzels and goldfish)
12:30-1pm-nonfat peppermint mocha
1:30-2:00-had a buffet at work. After my coffee settled I had two bites of a home-made sausage my colleague makes, a tablespoon of home-made sauerkraut, a slice of pickle.
3:30-1/2 small corn muffin (leftover from lunch event)
9:00 pm-string cheese
9:30 1/3 cup lemon ice cream

My restriction seems to be creeping back. I will take it. Um..im off for some water. I suck at it.

xxxooo

Teetering Again

This morning my scale read 165.4. I don't feel like I have been back to small meals or have even really felt optimal restriction this week (restriction is totally relative don't you think?). Yet my goal weight is a mere 0.5 pounds away. I know...don't throw stuff but I really think that if I care about staying 'normal' on the BMI scale I am gong to need to weight a little below the 164 mark in order to let the 3-4 pound fluctuation stay within the normal range.

Of course a good tummy tuck might do the trick too :). Several pounds ago I went in for a consult and the plastic surgeon was gagging to get her knife on my floppy skin..just wait until you see my naked stomach...It is a sight!! She even called me in August offering a 20% discount if I would book my surgery with them. It seemed a bit creepy to me (buy now and save money) plus my friend went with this place for some liposuction and isn't happy with the result. I am not sure at this point if I actually will ever get one...I'm still chewing on the idea.

I lost a follower this week and gained a few more. In addition I have some new commenters..hooray! I do love it when everyone leaves me a little note (even if it is to chew me out!)...Welcome to all of you. The first thing I do when someone leaves a comment that I am not already following is go on over and check out your blog and add you to my list on the right side of the screen. I do not always follow you back because I use the side bar to keep track of you. I will try and remember to do both though.

Such a small decimal...0.5 I hope it disappears quickly.
xxxooo

I need my fill back

I am back to scarfing food like a mad woman. Today has been one foodfest after another and if I weren't gluing my arse cheeks to the couch I would be in the kitchen sniffing around for something to stuff in my face. I just scarfed down more than one cup of tuna pasta! lunch was two pieces of homemade thin crust pizza. EEek! At this rate i am going to roll right up past 170 again and have to find some size 12 pants. I assume my period is right around the corner but sheesh...this makes me feel like thing were in the good old day (NOT) before I found decent restriction.

I am still feeling good about how far I have come but this trying to get one pound off or even maintain is a little scary when I can scarf down so much food. I will never not weight myself every day...ever again (I went years without weighing myself). It is just too easy to become complacent and let it roll out of control.

Can you tell i am more scared than mad or even depressed about this whole thing...I remember when eating 1/2 cup and that is it for dinner was depressing and scary. Now I am feeling the opposite. More than 1/2 a cup is freaking me out.

xxxooo

Got Bloat?

I got home today after a really busy day at work. My clothing-size 10 slacks (I wore them several times over the last couple of weeks); My slimming camisole thingy (have had it for a few months); my last remaining size extra large blouse and a size small cardigan. For some unknown reason the outfit was just not comfortable today.

When I popped home from work at lunch i noticed my hip bones were feeling achy...I figured it was from the camisole putting some pressure on them. I loosened it and sort of pulled the tight part up off my hips and ran off to another meeting. When I got home from that meeting I was talking to my oldest daughter Nichole...I complained (as I do)about my pants not fitting anymore or some such thing. She said, "well mom...are you bloated?" what? nahhh bloating never messes with my clothing size...I then pushed against my stomach and viola..not its normal floppy skin feeling but hard bloaty bloat!! Holy crap this 46 year old is experiencing her first size busting bloat. Frankly the bloat is kind of worth it just to say that :).

She then told me that the skinnier you get the more bloat effects your clothing size (WTF???...Did you all know that???) :) I am being a smarty pants here but sheesh...who would have thunk eh? This prompted me to go try on my fat clothes. My small clothes were uncomfortable so what is a girl to do...well go find some loose and comfy ones right?

What I found...I have been asked for before....These are the only pair of super fat pants I saved. They are size 26 and I put them on and had pictures taken! I am tired of waiting for that nebulous 164 anyway.



I wore these jeans to teach middle school in. I remember the day I bought them..I pulled my normal size 24's off the shelf at Walmart and They didn't fit. I had to go up a size and was pretty irritated. I was a little worried that my teaching uniform (colored jeans and shirts that were not tucked) would have to change. I wobbled down a bit from this size for a while to as far as a 22 and then rolled back up again. After I modeled them for these pictures Grace wanted to try them on.

It was quite cool to put these on and have them immediately fall to the ground.


I do like Over-alls :) Maybe some short straps? and clown shoes?
I can almost pull them up over my boobs. Sleeping bag anyone?


I picked this top and my leggings to wear for these 'after but not quite photos' because they look similar to my first pictures. I will eventually show you my wobbly bits (I have taken them but am holding onto them for a bit)..My stomach really looks the same as it did before I lost weight (round, floppy and full of stretch marks. Believe me that pic isn't pretty (Dont' worry I will get the guts to post it...eventually). With clothes on now..oh so much better.


Look at my header...Even I can see the difference :)


Nichole (my oldest daughter and the photographer) said I Looked like a dancer :)..it almost made me cry. The first pictures were so scary for me and now..to hear this old body compared to a dancer...it just makes me want to dance :)

Food Adventure-Vietnamese Food

It has been a long time since I tried something new. Today just fell in my lap. We were kicked out of our house because the real estate agent was having another open house (she really is working her tail off for us and I appreciate it tremendously). Anyhoo...We loaded up a bunch of recycling in the back of the truck and headed off to the bottle bank (we pay and get 5 cents for each when we recycle). Across the parking lot was a Vietnamese restaurant. I have never ever tried Vietnamese food but have had it recommended to me recently so...We said what the heck.


The place-Pho Tango was hopping with customers many of them who had the distinct look of being of Vietnamese descent. I always say that the best place to get ethnic food is from the place where the customers appear to match the ethnicity of the restaurant (kind of a if the locals like it so will I). Well I figured if I did or didn't like Vietnamese food I was going to find it out at this place because from appearances it looked like it would be authentic.

I ordered Grilled salmon on rice. Grace ordered Beef rice noodle soup and David had chicken fried rice. Each and every dish was delicious! I ate much more than one cup of food (man o man the fill has gone again). Grace's soup is a Sunday special at this place and I will for sure be ordering it next time. It had a savory flavor but with a cinnamon spiciness that was excellent.


After my first bite of Davids Fried rice my immediate response was...we Aren't at Panda Express Toto...



It was fresh with big old pieces of scrambled egg and chicken and tasty carrots, green onions and peas. My salmon was crispy in the right places and sprinkled with sesame seeds, green onions and I added a bit of lovely vinegar sauce (see the bowl at on the picture with me in it).

Yummmy-I highly recommend trying Vietnamese food!

Art Makes Things Better

After my series of meetings yesterday my lovely oldest daughter took Grace and my grandson Grant to the zoo. That means for the second time this week I have a glorious few hours of alone time. During that time I did a bit of knitting (finishing up a baby sweater for a friend) and later (much later) in the evening after some chocolate therapy involving cookie baking. I free-handed a map of the world on my ginormous canvas. The really amazing bit (because I always start these things dubious as to whether I can pull it off) is that the map I sketched looks awesome! Sure the Saudi Arabian peninsula is a tad smoother than real life but hey...I'm all about impressionism. I just pulled a world map up on my computer pulled out a mechanical pencil and went to town.

This painting cannot sit around for more thinking as we are having another open house tomorrow and It is really too big to hang around tucked in behind the TV-I need to get it up on the wall :). When I get home from work today I am going to mix up a greeny-blue ocean and then paint the land masses a plain beige-y brown. The real goal is digging out money, tickets and stuff from our trips. David already has his tube ticket from London. I have 20 pesos from Mexico and I am sure there is some Germany stuff hanging about. Now the question is...do I wire? glue? pin? or use some-other way to fix the stuff on my art.

Now..time to stop thinking about art and start thinking about Pre Calculus...Or..is that art too? :)

xxxooo

Continuous PMS?

I think my peri-menopause is back with a vengeance. I have had two mini-periods this month and a serious attitude problem over the last several days is finally making me think that I have some kind of a hormonal imbalance gong on. I have a friend once than said PMS isn't irrational it provides clarity about the things that really bug you and that normally you are too easy going to say anything about.

well...there is a lot of crap that bugs me as can be seen in my last few posts and believe me they have been made more pleasant for your viewing pleasure. I have not had an optimal attitude with anyone around here.

I weighed-it is the same as yesterday.

My shopping trip yielded a picture frame for a watercolor that a friend gave to me. and a very large canvas to paint. I now have two paintings in my head and I am going to get them going this weekend. I haven't really talked about it or even done any paintings lately but I do dabble in a bit of water color on canvas. I have a large painting in the living room that I painted a few years ago (large Georgia O'Keefe-like leaves). A couple of weeks ago I found canvases on sale at Craft warehouse and have since found a photo of a tree with yellow leaves that I want to try to get down on a square canvas I have and then I have world map idea. I want to paint it on the very large canvas and then add bits and pieces that we collect as we travel.

Grace has another day off today and I have two 1/2 hour meetings at nearby schools. On another aspect of my job-I am waiting for a colleague to get his/her part of a job done so I can do mine but that we are supposed to have a meeting over on Monday (Yup..having some 'clarity' about this one too).

Ok getting off to knit and paint and meet and kid wrangle and do my best to avoid 'clarity'.

xxxooo

All About Attitude

I just reread my earlier post...well I am in a foul mood eh? So two+ years ago I weighted 300 pounds and I probably would have posted exactly the same post. Apparently I need to get a grip and stop focusing on the stinking damnable 1 pound I have left. I know for a fact I would have snorted in derision at my 'skinny' friends moaning about the same exact things.

Apparently the lesson here is no matter where I am on the scale I will not be truly happy with what is says (of course unless it shows a drop) :)

I'm off to shop...retail therapy always helps.

xxxooo

My Flipping Scale is a Piece of Crap :)

It read 165 again today and then 168 and 167. I seriously need a real scale with weights and stuff. I have no idea where I would station the thing in the house. My current scale his its home at the food of my bed subtly placed next to a cedar chest. A big old serious scale would probably have to go in the garage next to the treadmill and bikes. Oh wait--did I get all excited and thank my scale a few days ago? Why yes, yes I did...well she is definitely out of favor today.

I feel pretty happy that the running and chocolate balanced. I am back to that hungry place before I had my last fill but I am kind of afraid to go in and ask for a re-fill. I am on my second breakfast already this morning (have only been up for an hour). I started with a Greek Yogurt and have just added a bowl of steel cut oatmeal. Today I am going to try and go for a volume diety kind of day. That is..as much food as I can get for as little amount of calories. The chocolate was in one of those get home starving and start tearing the fridge apart for anything I can stuff in my mouth kind of moments...

Up to now this lapband gig has been more about making good choices then it has been about dieting. I can feel myself shifting into diet zone and I am not sure if it is wise or not. It is a piddly amount of weight but will it send me off spiraling into my old success followed by failure and then more failure patterns of behavior? Am I really ready now to take this on? We are talking 1-3 pounds (depending on what the scale really says). That should not be too difficult but....

On the life not related to my band front. Grace and I have no work/school in honor of veteran's day. David has no day off. I was really looking forward to family bonding time...I was wrong and feeling very resentful about it.


xxxooo

$@^%@$%$ Chocolate

It was in the fridge. It was British. I ate it. Thank goodness I jogged.

xxxooo

Poopy Scale-Bike Clothes On

To Quote Sheniqua--The G-Damned scale is rolling all over the place again and I did nothing (OK almost nothing) to deserve it. Today it rolled between 166-169 on several hop-on hop-off iterations. I think I might just ask for an old school expensive beast of a weight clibratable scale for Christmas. I am sure I will be unhappy with that one but at least then I know the problem is all mine. Now I don't want to be too harsh on my poor scale (In fact I am more inclined to name that stupid box of chips than I am my band) but sheesh I would prefer she be good to me all of the time now just occasionally.

So in order to battle my evil scale I hatched a plan this morning. Instead of putting on my jean and stuff I went right into my drawer and pulled out my bike gear. I am as I type layerd up for a ride. I wasn't fast enough and now I am on babysitting duty with said gear on. Mycold weather bike gear: pair of black leggings, Bike shorts, white tank top, long sleeved t-shirt). If I actually were going outside I would add my rain coat, fingerless gloves, balaclava (gortex tight fitting hood with just room for my nose and eyes to peek out), bike helmet, socks and tennis shoes (still too much of a chicken to clip into the pedals).

Anyyyy how...because I am now babysitting and cannot leave a 2 year old watching dinosaur train while I go out for a quick spin around the neighborhood I will be forced to go out into the garage and get on David's bike for a stationary spin. I don't really like stationary riding because 1. No hills (thus no downhills) 2. A messy garage is hardly fun to look at. 3. There is no getting somewhere.

Today's plan: Water Water Water, three meals (next up oatmeal for Breakfast), The bike. I really want 164 by Thanksgiving.

UPDATE: I tried the stationary bike but could not figure out how to change David's gears and it was like spinning air on the thing. Soo...I got on our long dusted up treadmill for a try. (drum roll please)...I ran for 15 freaking minutes in a row!!!! I hit the program 6 plan that is full of inclines and hills but stupidly thought it would all be walking. It quickly went too fast and after 5 minutes of walking and 15 minutes of medium speed jogging it went up to an incline of 5 and speed of 5 (I was afraid I would fall off the treadmill) so I hit stop when it wouldn't let me slow it down or I would still be jogging out there. I am pumped...that is the coolest thing I have ever done. I am gonna do that AGAIN :)

164 here I come :)

xxxooo

Still holding off from Goal and Emotional Crud

The scale has removed its favor but I am satisfied with just hanging around down here at my lowest weight since 7th grade age 13 for all of the international followers. I am experiencing a little bit of a bounce effect but only 1-2 pounds this time. definitely not the full 7 pound bounce I had with the last round.

I have decided (whether right or wrong) that the key to my getting a weight drop requires a quick and radical cut back in my food. After reaching the bottom of a drop I can then up the food a bit and eat more normally again. My last drop was the result of my unfill day (one partially returned tea with milk, one orange/peach juice and about 1/4 cup of cashews and goldfish crackers). The next day I had 1/2 cup of soup for lunch and 1/2 cup of soup for dinner with a few bites of solids in between. Those two days brought the drop to 165. I have since returned to solids on a reasonably tight band. I have not eaten anything out of the ordinary nor have I had any one meal that was any larger than 'normal'--1/2 a cup or so. There have been snacks during the day but no food at night.

I added in a bit of exercise this week with a couple of bike rides and a couple of manic cleans. Yesterday my exercise was a marathon nap :)..OK not really any calories burned on that one.

Something I have not really talked too much about is the relationship stuff with my husband. He does occasionally read this (although I am never quite sure how much). Things from my perspective are different post weight-loss. I married a guy who didn't really care about my body (I was at my highest weight when we met and married and was quite pleased that he was not the shallow type). He loved me for my mind :)...Now that I am down here in this much better and I like to think more attractive looking place his preferences haven't changed-he is still a brain guy. The problem with this is that I would occasionally like to have more conversation/grabbing/noticing of the physical changes. An occasional wow you look great in that or something?? I am not getting this response from him. I am not even sure if I am expecting too much to get it.

Last night I asked him what he felt was the role of partners in a relationship in terms of each others emotional needs. As with all 'feelings' kinds of questions he dodged and weaved and avoided an answer. What do you all think partners should provide each other in relationships? Are your partners emotional discussion avoiders? Have your expectations changed? has your partner rolled with the punches and changed with you?

Funny Tummy and Goal?

I woke up very hungry today. I started my usual breakfast avoidance techniques by popping things in my mouth while I make Graces school lunch, a bit of dry cereal here a goldfish there. It dawned on me that yesterday I actually chose some sort of a breakfast. I picked breakfast today instead of tea-I will save the tea for later.
Today I took a little less than 1/4 cup of honey bunches of oats and sprinkled them on top of my greek strawberry yogurt. Despite all of my starving Hoover the food feelings before the yogurt-I am now stuffed on just three bites of my yogurt concoction. I wonder how much snacking around my band I have been doing lately? I bet at least some of my calories are going in that way. I find it weird however (and maybe it has been this all along but I was to oblivious to notice) that my stomach can tell me I'm going to die of hunger when in fact my band is there and can change that reading in three or four easy bites. I am going to assume that as before-my body is fighting to keep on these last few pounds by making me hungrier than usual.

Today the scale went back to its inconsistent ways and gave me a double read. I got on and it read 167..I got on again...164.6...again..168...again 164.6...again 168.2...again 164.6. Now I could claim goal here...I did get a repeat reading of 164.6 but I also got that run of 168's. I am patient and don't really have time (or another person) to take all of those pictures I promised you so I am going to wait for a more solid scale reading before I claim goal...I can feel it coming however. My new size 10 slacks yesterday have already gotten baggy and I think I could slide myself into an 8 but it would be a tight one I think.



xxxooo

165 and Holding

The scale is still in the 165's but creeping closer to the big 164. Today was an excellent exercise filled day with minimal foodage. It was actually one of those rare days when I really felt like I was eating to live not living to eat. These types of days are not common even with the band.

My exercise was all work related. I taught my math class in the morning then came home took a trip to home-depot and the gravel guy. In the afternoon David and I ripped up a particularly large scratched bit of flooring and he replaced it with new boards. I then laid 1/2 a cubic yard of pea gravel in our side yard. Finally I hauled several trips of larger rocks to various places in the back yard that needed tidying up.

At 9:30 or so I painted our laundry room and did some cleaning until 11:30pm when I fell into bed looking forward to an extra hour. I gloriously work up to daylight this morning (Hooray) at 7:45 (I love not having to get up in the dark).

Today our real estate agent is having another open house so we are madly sprucing things to get ready. I have stopped to post while I scarf down a Greek yogurt. Go read Dinnerland (I am sorta where she is at on the breakfast idea anyway).

Happy Sunday :)
xxxooo

A Pain In My Side-

No pound today but do I have a pain. Right after I typed my last post I took off with my grandson to the store. While shopping my port started hurting like crazy. Worse even than when I had it installed and second surgery to fix it. Maggie did punch in (right away and with no poking around) to pull out that .2 cc's of saline but geezzz this feels like she pummeled me like a punching bag. If it doesn't clear up by Monday I guess I am going to have to call in.

I don't suppose any of you have had port infections or anything? Being the paranoid hypochondriac that I am; I am running through an ever more devastating list of scenarios as to what is going on. It is probably nothing but my imagination can make a hangnail into cancer.

I went to a party last night (Guy Fawkes) and although I didn't go off the deep end I did not behave well enough to get a second pound off in a day. Today is going to be crazy with work and then getting the house ready for an open house tomorrow. So eating and drinking will not be a priority. If I can fit in another bike ride I will.

Happy Saturday all.
xxxooo

T minus 1

After my last post I went for a quick bike ride around my neighborhood. I then popped home for a quick shower before my babysitting duties started. Well...I took a quick stop at my beautiful, awesome, accurate, never did a mean thing to me scale and viola...it read....165.

I think I can do whatever it takes to get that final pound off and I will be doing so for the next however many days that takes. Watch this space for my goal day blog-o-party. The events will include:

1. Give away-s.
2. Before and After pics
3. Naked fleshy saggy skin pics
4. a vlog
5. Tina's home-made Turtle award.

As this is my second post of the day-check below this one for my Thank you Jen!!!