Monday, September 29, 2008

Another Day Another Fill

I went in for my second fill today. He said that I had 0.5 more cc's than he found last time (wow I appear to be creating saline in my band ! :) hahaha. The doctor said that the tube must not have released the extra 0.5 cc's during my last visit. The doc added in another 0.5 cc's today so Now I have 4.5 cc's of fluid in my (i believe it is 10cc band). So far I am really hungry and I feel very little difference from yesterday. I only had clear liquids this morning and through dinner time. I had a pasts dish made fresh my garden grown tomatoes for dinner and then snacked my way through the evening on cottage cheese, cheese sticks, a few peanut butter pretzels...

Now i have to say I felt very similar to this right after my last fill then i tightened up for two weeks, lost a little and then was back to feeling no restriction. I am going to make my next fill appointment right away for two weeks from now (that is as soon as he allows)

I am a bit worried that my insurance is going to change and that the new one is not band friendly. I talked it over with my doctor and he suggested that as long as we can get me well restricted by the time the insurance runs out (Jan 1) I should be ok. The biggest concern is that if i have a big problem with my band i might have to foot the bill myself.

I do think this is kind of stupid! If I have an employee sponsored insurance plan and they are not allowed to screen for preexisting condition than any problems the develop over time should be covered---well i am going to fly without a net here. wish me luck!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do I can't figure out how to embed a utube video in this post so please link to this website, turn up the sound and play it in the background while you read this post.

Well today was a BIG lesson. A lesson I will not forget soon and one that will have a lasting impact on my behavior.

So I once had a conversation with a friend (yes A.M. this is you!) about my issues with food and why I am the big fatty that I am. I shared with her my addiction to fast food. I am one of those rare people (or at least the rare who will admit to my addiction) who like------gulp----McDonalds. I like the fries. i like the burgers. I like the fact that I can drive in and get my food and eat it as I drive down the road. I like it. Well tonight I learned that it is time to break up with my boyfriend McDonalds (and all of the other bad boys along the freeway within drive up distance of my travels). So here is the sad break up story.

I have been wide-open since Monday (or at least that is what i thought). I could eat to my hearts content from lunch until late into the evening. Breakfast could still be problematic but not overly so. Today i didn't even have a twinge at breakfast so I said to myself as I left work tonight...let's do one last drive up at McDonalds on my way home from work. On Monday I am getting a fill and this might be one of my last chances.

So I did the drove up (Mistake number 1). I ordered a chicken sandwich meal (mistake number 2). I drove out onto the road and proceeded to dive into my french fries (what you ask? what happened to eating the protein first??). I took a drink of diet coke. I ate more fries. As i headed out onto the highway I opened up my sandwich and started eating merrily in my old ways. This joy of old habits lasted for about 10 minutes and then...whammo I started to have that stuck feeling. A voice inside my head said "Tina put down the sandwich NOW" I listened and did my best to relax and breathe. often i can sweat my way through these things and the food will pass and I can go back to my meal. haha yeah-no- not this time. I threw up the sandwich, did some sliming, threw up the fries and then some more fries. In all I threw up and slimed about 7 times on my drive home (I did discover and can barf and drive!!). Needless to say I no longer have any desire to eat (at least for tonight!) and I am vowing to break up with McDonalds! Just watching bunny's adventures with a carrot has put me off raw carrots. Needless to say my personal experience with a chicken sandwich has forever eradicated that desire from my future plans.

I have to say Im sad to see McDonald go....but he must. We are just not compatible anymore.

If anyone would like to join my break-up club please comment and post ideas for alternative 'fast food' that is healthy and edible!!

Saturday, September 20, 2008


Well the band has continued its fickle fickle ways. I am usually tighter in the morning and open at night. However, just when i think I am wide open and try to eat something decidedly naughty wham I find the band is still there. I am really afraid now that if I get another fill my slide back into poor habits will really and truly be over....I have started up with my diet coke and bread habits again......sooooo I am going to get a small fill (either this Monday or next as I cannot remember which day is my appointment).

so far-I am holding at 16 or so pounds lost (it goes up and down wildly but this week was PMS and period so I am holding off an official weight until next week)

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Fickle Fickle Band

Ok so today I was back to restriction. I did not choose the best food to eat but boy oh boy I couldnt eat very much of it.

Breakfast-protein bar, Mocha frap. light.
Lunch-1/2 chicken whiskey river wrap from Red Robin, 8 or so french fries. I started eating the tortilla wrappy part but quickly decided that would be a bad idea and just ate the insides.

Dinner-the other 1/2 of the insides of the wrap then a while later 1/2 a wendy's hamburger, 1 french fry, and a small frosty.

wowow-i so would have had an eating fest with this before the band. In fact i would have had a burger at Red Robin and then another at Wendys, eaten all the fries and the frosty and been happy. I am thrilled that I was full soo fast.

I am going to wait out the next couple of weeks and then decide if I really need a fill of if this will be ok.


Friday, September 12, 2008

restriction has left the building or is it just fickle?

Im not sure if this band thing is working or not. I know i had restriction a few days ago but now im not sure if i have it or not.

Breakfast-1/2 3 cheese omlet, 2 pieces of multigrain toast
Lunch-1 can diet coke, 1 string cheese, 24 grapes
Dinner-3 triscuits, two fish filets, 1c mashed potatoes, 1 choc chip cookie
snack at night-1 bag 94% fat free microwave popcorn, 1 can diet coke.

I didnt drink enough water-
I had not one but 2 diet cokes (yep i miss it now and have done a face plant back into my d coke)
The lunch thing (must have been the bubbles in the diet coke) made me feel really full from 2 until 5pm but when i got home i was starving and nibbled on a couple of salt and vinegar potato chips and triscuitsiiiiii

I have cooked some carrots and plan on carrying them around so that i get more vegetables in (i was too hungry to wait tonight). I do know this band is putting a big hamper on my eating fast-there just isn't anything i should have that I can make fast. It kind of sucks. Im not a real lover of frozen dinners in the U.S. I have had great meals in the UK but of course we are crap over here. I think it is because everyone just eats out in the U.S. and it is more expensive to do so in the UK (as per my husbands conclusion)

Any way-another not so stellar day. I have lost a few of the pounds i gained on my rebound gain after I went back to solid foods. I hope the scale starts turning down again and gets me back to the 14 and more soon. I have 2 weeks and 2 days until i can get another fill.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Restriction but what is with my BAD fat habit!!

So I have started logging my food again (goodness knows how long I am going to manage it this time) and I have a problem with fat. I seem to like anything that exists on the planet with fat in it. However I fail to eat Tina loves the fat stuff and hates the veg. Yep that is about right. Even on my best days I seem to blow through the recommended fat allowances. I don't know how I am going to manage it but I'll let you know how this fatty problems progresses as I try to cut back.

Today thus far-two boiled eggs, 7 triscuits (lowfat), 3 string cheeses, grapes.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Houston I have restriction

So I stuck to mushies or at least what i perceived and sampled as easy food for me. Yes my husband the man in the chair was correct AFTER that post! I went out with them for dinner and had a stupid protein smoothie then nibbled at their infinitely more interesting and tasty Chinese food. It went down beautifully and I was fine (also worried that the fill was crap)

On Tuesday I had to drive down to my University for meetings and had a heck of a time with when, where and what to eat. I could not do my old McDonalds drive through meal in the car while driving routine so instead I had 2 eggs minus the cheese for breakfast, some grapes at noon, a protein bar in the middle of my long meeting (it got to 2:30 and i thought i was going to die of hunger). At 3 I was able to go to the microwave and do a steamer tv dinner (it was edible). then I drove home and had to go directly to a girlscout meeting. When it finished at 9pm i was hungry again so three of us went to a local bar with happy hour and I had a santa Fe salad minus corn. I was worried that i really didn't have enough restriction because I was able to eat 3/4 of it with no problem.

Soooo today-

I decided that I needed to have a good breakfast and I do love the toasted cheese sandwhich so I made on all brown and krispy. I ate half without a problem but about 1/2 way through the second 1/2 i thought i forgot to chew well enough ( I was distracted by rushing my dd into her clothes and shoes for school). So it felt like something was stuck but not horribly painful. It didnt really go away so I did what i did before the fill and tried a little drink (no no no didnt work anymore) I had what I now know is a PB two quick easy mini-barfs in the sink. two very small bites of cheese sandwich popped out and I was good to go.

I went to Starbucks for a wireless hookup at 9:30 (yea right no only a very costly one!). So i have a frappacino (I really need to learn how to spell the darned word!!). At 11:30 I was really hungry and had my tuna salad and 7 lowfat triscuits. I could not even finish the tuna!!!! I was fullll. So then nothing until after school at 3:30 I had my grapes from lunch. then an ice cream bar (supplied by my husband and one Oreo cookie.

Dinner was at 6pm and my older daughter made swedish meatballs, mashed potatoes, gravy and lingonberry jam (my new fav. meal) I had 5 meatballs, 1/2 c. potatoes, and two spoons of gravy plus 1 of jam. I'm full enough. Not interested in the chocolate chip cookies freshly baked in my kitchen!!!!

Ill go see what the caloric damage is (the ice cream was really ill advised) but baby steps!! I have more restriction that I have ever had in my life. I think it is much stronger during the day though. I will have to figure out if this is good enough or if I will need to suffer the days so I dont eat at night!!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Holy Guacamole I Got a Fill Today!

So today I went in to see my surgeon. I figured I would get the scar check and discussion about healing. Well those questions were quickly asked but he got right down to business and grabbed a fill kit. According to him I had 3 ml in the band from some sort of atmospheric balanced bleed that occurred from the line (thats about all i understood from from the discussion). So he laid me back on the table and gave me a numbing shot or three and then asked me to tense up my stomach muscles and started poking. he got the needle through without too much effort and put in 2 ml, pulled the needle out and asked me to sit up and swallow two small cups of water quickly. eeeeekkk I felt the first one gurgle through very slowly, then the second one didn't go at all. He immediately had me lay down again and began poking again-this time not so successfully. A couple of times he poked and hit the side of the port causing it to move and make the creepiest noise and feeling in my stomach. this time he took out all but .5 ml of the new fill.

so as of today I have 3.5 ml of fluid in my band (he didnt really tell me what sized band I had). but I am to do liquids today, mushies tomorrow and work my way back up to regular food.

So today-I have had 2 bottles of water with lemonaide crystal light, 1 c of smoothie from a local hamburger stand, and 1 cup of cream of tomato soup. I saved half of the soup for later but I am already getting hungry!! in my lower stomach not my upper one :) haha

Sunday, September 7, 2008

My Plan Day 2 and 3

so i have tried this protein at every meal thing for two more days and it is working well.


Breakfast-2 eggs w cheese
Lunch-caprese salad (tomatoes and mozzarella) and one piece of foc. bread
dinner-3 bites of quiche, a piece of cornbread (the closest to stuck I have been so far), some chicken salad with apples and dried cranberries with mayo/sour cream and very small slices of celery.
Dessert-pice of lemon sour cream pie


Breakfast-Leftover quiche and bit of cornbread
Lunch-lefover quiche and bit of cornbread
Dinner-plan is for fish filet and cook carrots

so the stuck thing-the cornbread was to soft and squishy and I ate it too fast. I was eating out. Thank goodness i tried water and it worked-i felt the thing glug through the opening...phew. I was sweating bullets there for a few minutes.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Today was a good day!

This morning i woke up with renewed effort. While sleeping i worked through why all day I was hungry but got full at dinner-I tested and now think the key is dinner! I have been trying to stick to the mushies during the day and then because i have been out and about so much my dinner has resembled more 'normal' eating. I have meat (but am careful what kind), veg, and some kind of starch. Well so I decided today that i was going to do the same for breakfast and lunch and see if it worked....IT DID!!

I had some leftover chicken marinated in lemon, cooked carrots, and risoto. All of this was left over from the dinner that my daughter cooked last night. I put it all in a non-stick pan and heated it up. With my first bite I had a moment of panic!! I almost got stuck but sat back, relaxed and had some of my water. I drank about 1/2 a bottle and let my food sit until I had hydrated a bit first (i didnt drink anything first this morning). When i went back to my breakfast I was very careful to eat slowly and chew chew chew. I was full until noon! no snacking urges nothing!! At noon i was pretty hungry. I was sick to death of my cheesy eggs so I went out on a dangerous limb and tried my first bit of bread since surgery. I made a toasted cheese sandwich. Just that (eaten very slowly and carefully again) lasted me until 7:30 pm!!!!! I am so excited I hope this wasnt a fluke!! I had the rest of my dd leftovers for dinner and around 8pm had a smoothy from Jamba Juice (I wasn't really hungry but just wanted it). I got a good girl juice with a booster of protein.

So I would say I have restriction on an empty lapband. Time will tell if this is really the case or lasts. I love the fact that I can get full on such a small amount of food (1/2-1c) and be good for long periods of time.

Oh by the way-i lost the two pound gain this morning plus 1 more. I am now down 17 pounds from my highest weight and down 14 since surgery on August 20.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

The honeymoon is flipping over!!

Today. Gained 2 pounds-ok maybe it is time to stay off the scale now. My eating is going crazy. I am hungry and not even my yummy scrambled eggs are cutting it anymore.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Another Crazy day in crazyland

Today was crazzzzyy. I attempted to get some work done this morning but spend the entire 3 hours F3!#$@#$$ around with the videos i needed to watch. I never did manage. According to my DH they were not finalized before they were taken out of the rocorders. All i know is I was supposed to watch them and I am pretty cheesed off that I could not get it done this morning.

I was then supposed to work on an annual report for the feds but by this time it was time to go to the school where my youngest daughter is starting next week. I like the whole set up at this new school but am irritated that this so-called problem-based school cannot figure out how to integrate mathematics into their problems. They have a really good math curriculum so I am cautiously monitoring the situation and hope all goes well. On a good note she will actually be taught science (amazing considering what she would have gotten in a regular public school!)

So the food---1c cottage cheese, 8 chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce, 2 string cheeses, 4 squares of Cadbury's Fruit and nut, 7 swedish meatballs, 1/4 cup mashed potatoes, 2 Tbl. lingonberry jam, 1/4 cup gravy, 3 animal crackers. I know this is all way less than I used to eat but I have stopped losing weight and im starting to worry a little. I have to say I was full at dinner (but i always seem to get full at dinner) Im not sure if it is some lapband timing thing for me or if there is something magic about the kind of food i eat at dinner. I have no idea what the calories for today would be but I somehow still feel bad about eating the wrong things and too much of them. I am not sure if I should seek a fill (if they will even go there on the 8th) or if I should wait until i am on proper food (like vegetables and everything)

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Busy busy busy

So I'm back to my old life now (this is not a good thing!)...I spent all day painting our old office (now dd, boyfriend and grandson's room) the dashed out to dinner to celebrate another daughters birthday to Claim Jumpers. For those of you not familiar let me just put this in a nutshell..Imagine a restaurant where there is way too much to choose from and on each plate is way too much. I chose a cup of soup and sampled sweet potato (really yam!) off peoples plates. The soup was nothing to write home about but the yam was yuminy. They baked it and then served it with butter and a sprinkle of brown sugar. I am going to have to concoct a version of this to eat at home. They had small sample sized (normal portions if you ask me!) of deserts. I had a flan (not too good so I left half) and a taste of my husband English toffee pudding...delish. It was really weird to sit there are watch everyone devour these enormous plates of food. Two people ordered the 'normal' sized desert portions. The eclair was the size of a full loaf pan and covered in whipped cream, floating on icecream and filled with vanilla pudding ( i didnt even go for a taste of that one!). The other was a piece of chocolate cake the size of a small computer keyboard. It was obscene. I am even feeling a bit proud of myself now-they did not do a thing for me. yay-i know a few short weeks ago i would have had a full plate of food and some of each desert besides.

This morning I had to travel the 3 hour commute to my job (have done this once a month for the past 5 years!). I go weekly 1.5 hours to my employing university and then once a month over to another rural city to provide teacher training. This trip was to observe some of the participants as they started some peer learning projects. I do love my job but the food is such a dilemma. I took two yogurts and two string cheese with me. Had about a cup of cottage cheese for breakfast. My oldest daughter also suggested that I throw in a couple of cans of soup (in case i had to stay over). So i packed up a cooler and drove on my way. Well who wants yogurt for lunch! so I ate a string cheese then went to a local deli and ordered beef and barley soup (it had corn in it but i was really careful to chew each kernel to oblivion. I also ordered a small potato salad. I didn't taste very good so i threw out half. Then on my way home it hit 5pm (I am really wanting dinner at 5 now!) I stopped at the big evil McDonalds and ordered 6 chicken nuggets with sweet and sour sauce. I chewed and even parked so I would make sure and eat them properly dipped in the sauce. I also had an icecream (no fries i said so why not ice cream) well i know...not a good idea. then i got home and my lovely husband decided that he needed to recreate the toffee pudding. I had some. this is sooo not easy anymore!!! I was nice and full from each of my meals. Sure im losing now but i know this behavior is not going to help me any. I need to get a grip on choice as well as portion!!!