Friday, March 25, 2011

food porn description but no bandwidth for picture uploading

Argh....still no pictures because apparently the hotel internet is sooo lame that pictures are not allowed. You are going to have to wait yet another day for the food porn.

Today we went and took a tour of a big castle-made to attract customers to the winery of course. It was called Castello Di Amorosa We chose it hoping that it would offer some entertainment or interest for Grace beyond any other winery. They were good to her. She was interested in the cats roaming around the place, the well constructed rooms and tour guides comments. At the wine tasting portion of the tour they provided Grace with coloring pages, grape juice and breadsticks.

We found several tasty wines to buy and then drove off to shop around in St Helena. We had an early light lunch (preparing for our big dinner feast for dinner). We then drove back to our hotel to rest and catch up on our emails.

Dinner was at Bouchon. This is a fancy restaurant in Yountville. Thomas Keller is the owner. David has his cook books and was very excited to eat here. He made reservations as soon as we knew we were going to stop off at at Napa. The food was delicous and my band was being benevolent. I managed to eat a whole lot of food and drink..Before the meal: Pinot Gris, a piece of insanely good french bread
first course: David ordered cod Beignets with fried sage. Grace had bacon and radish greens quiche. I tasted theirs. Both were very good. I have never had radish tops before but they were lightly cooked and tasted better than both cooked spinach and radishes :).

The main course for me was 1/2 a lobster. This is the perfect bandster food! The work involved in cracking open the shell provides a nice way to drag out the meal while other people shovel their food in. I ended up with about 1/2 cup of lobster that was delicious with lemon and cocktail sauce. Grace had gnocchi and vegetables that were very good (thee were pickled turnips in the vegetables that Grace disliked but I thought were great).

Because they took great breaks between courses and my band was treating me so well I had room for dessert!! I had a sublime pots de creme (coconut with passion fruit sauce). It came with a delicious shortbread cookie. David had profiteroles with ice cream and chocolate sauce. Grace had a lime tart. Mine was by far the best choice but theirs were quite delicious too!

We wisely took a walk after dinner and this huge meal went down beautifully.

Tomorrow we are off to return home. The house sale has fit a few bumps in the road during the last couple of days. I will go into more detail about it all tomorrow.


Thursday, March 24, 2011

Food and Music Porn :)

Pictures will have to wait-i cannot get the upload function to work for some reason.

We are spending the last couple of days of Spring break in the Napa Valley before heading back to reality in Portland. I thought I would share a VERY wonderful dinner we had at Brannan's

Tim Hockenberry was singing live in the bar and his very sexy and smooth voice carried beautifully throughout the restaurant providing the perfect atmosphere to drink my perfectly mixed vodka mojito (with Belvadere vodka, mint, sugar and lime).

I have discovered the joy of food since banding. Before I started this whole lapband thing I really thought the band would make me not think about or want food. It is very odd but I really think the band has had the opposite effect. I am now very into both the quality and variety of food that I eat. In case you have not noticed I even devote entire posts to listing the food I eat when on vacation or even just at home. Tonight is no exception. Dinner was sublime :)

David had bone marrow (Weird I know). I tasted tasted like the fat bits on a good roast beef. I would not order it but I am glad he and therefore I could give it a try. I had a delicious cheese plate with a mild blue cheese, a serana cheese and a goat (a firm brie). With these cheeses were a crusty flat bread, some cranberry crustini's, a berry compote and honey with bits of comb inside it. There were also pecans. The meal was delish! Grace had a lovely mac and cheese.

This lovely meal was at the end of a fun day despite torrential rain. We have a nice hotel with finally a queen sized bed (ahhhhhhhh more bed for me) and a little walk around the little down of Calistoga (I highly recommend this town to the Napa curious).

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Choke...I am tight

This is unorganized and probably hard as heck to follow..I am tired though and am only to to fix it a little. This is a real view into how my mind works :) I try to clean up my flow and paragraphs usually!

Remember a few posts back when I complained that I preferred the tightness of my band during the few days at the beginning of my period and that I was loose the rest of the time. Well my band has decided to be difficult. Those so called tight days were really loose days and today and yesterday I have been given a lesson on tight.

It all started with a sleepless night of acid reflux. This is probably my fault because I ate a (ok 3) caramelized onion tart at a party I was attending. It just happened to be almost 10pm when I ate the thing. I was awake off and on all night alternating between having to run into the bathroom and spit out acid, throw up or just sit up and burp down the stuff. By Saturday morning I had a sore throat but the damnable tart had finally passed through and I could drink some hot tea.

I tried to take it easy on Saturday with a fruit smoothie for breakfast (drunk slowly because I was tight) and tuna and cheese with a bit of puff pastry for lunch. We left home right before dinner to head south towards San Francisco. We did something we have stopped doing but I really deluded myself into thinking this would work just find (how wrong was I?).

I ordered a fish sandwich at a local fast food place. This place called burgerville rates a tiny bit higher than McDonalds because it has healthier food and sustainability practices but then that is how we roll in Oregon-see Portlandia for a comic view of this. Anyhow...I also decided that a chocolate mint smoothie sounded yummy and ordered a small one as a chaser. Well I tasted the smoothie but put it aside for later and proceeded to take off a bun and eat the fish out of my sandwich. I ate some bits of the bottom bun but not even half. I chewed but I am guessing not good enough. We drove and in about 20 minutes my smoothie sat melting while the fish began to swell in my poor tummy. Thankfully I packed my trusty ziplock bags because I filled one over the hour that I tried to expel whatever it was that my stomach was offended by.

There is nothing i have more difficulty with than watching ice cream melt :(.

After a nights stay in Medford we popped out of bed and hit the pass towards San Francisco. Breakfast was one of those free hotel kinds and NASTY. I had a boiled egg and two bites of cottage cheese. It settled hard in the car while I drove but at about noon (two hours later) I finally managed to burp the last of it down. I had a coffee at noon (I think this helped move breakfast through). We decided to stop at 3pm for a late lunch (a full 5 hours since breakfast). I had a cup of minestrone soup, a thin slice of cheese and attempted a lemon gelato. I made David and Grace walk around the shop for 30 minutes or so hoping the 1/4 cup of the soup I could manage and the cheese would move on so I could eat the ice cream..yeah no. I had three bites of ice cream and ended up throwing the rest of it away. I ended up returning the ice cream in the car. Somehow my pouch was less than 1/2 cup in size??

At around 7:30 we popped into a restaurant for dinner. I drank two vodka and orange juices and had 4 onion rings and one bite of Graces Chicken pot pie. I was too tired and concerned with my food day to attempt a full restaurant meal. Amazingly the booze loosened my band a bit and even now at 10pm I am feeling better than I did all day yesterday. Just before dinner as I walked around town still feeling full I mentally said to myself that if I were home right now I would seriously be contemplating a small unfill...sheesh...and just think one week ago I was talking FILL!! I am going to guess the stress of driving and travel is the culprit but I have to say it does worry me a bit for my upcoming trip to the UK and Italy.

Other than the food the trip down was good. We have an inspection on our newly sold house on Tuesday. This of course caused us to spend most of Saturday doing all of those little things that needed doing done. We finally left just before dinner time. We arrived in Medford at just after 11pm and were out again on the road by 10am. The pass was advertised as nasty but was just wet (one would never have guessed this by all of the fuss they made on the road reports and the number of cars chaining up). We zoomed over into Redding where it was warm and sunny. We stopped for a couple of books on CD and drinks and then other than our stop for lunch we drove through to San Francisco. Once here we did a bit of shopping. I have replaced my thigh high stockings from Feb and David found a Japanese stationary store (he loved Japanese graph paper and mechanical pencils). After dinner all three of us went to the hotel fitness center and walked/run on the treadmills for 30 minutes followed by some token weight lifting and I even did 20 crunches on a yoga ball. The trip is good so far :) except for the food!

NSV-i am laying in a double sized bed next to David and not dying of claustrophobia because he is touching me!! :) there is a good several inches space! :) a few short years ago I would have slept with Grace or even kicked her on the floor and slept by myself in her bed!


Friday, March 18, 2011

Well Hello Again Goal

Yup..the scale is my friend again. Was it the water? was it the treadmill? was it the end of girlscout cookie season? Probably all of the above.

Now that I am back I am going to shoot for some narrower fluctuations in that scale. I think for my sanity a 3 pound window is much better than 6.

I have been giving the protein smoothie thing a try and I do think it has contributed (one in the morning and one in the evening). It has replaced my coffee for probably a similar amount of calories but much more protein and nutrients I am sure.


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Quinoa Recipe

2 cups of chicken stock (plus 1/2 c of water)
1 cup uncooked quinoa
1 t curry powder
1 t tumeric
3 slices of thick bacon (pepper but any will do)
steamed broccoli florets (but any vegetable would really do)
1/4 c grated parm. or some other hard cheese

put the quinoa and stock into a 1 1/2 quart pan. Bring it to a boil and lower to a simmer and cover cooking for 12 minutes.

Chop the bacon into small pieces brown in a small frying pan until the grease flows. Add tumeric and curry powder to the pan. When the quinoa is done add it and the broccoli to the pan. stir this all together and check the quinoa for tenderness. You can add more water if it needs it (covering to steam for a while).

right before serving stir in your cheese.

I had the leftovers for lunch today and it was still good and still very filling.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Oh Yeah...Thats what exercise feels like

Despite the busy day I finally did what I have been saying I should do for weeks. I got on the treadmill for 20 minutes and walked and jogged with my phone on Pandora (wonderful invention by the way!). I put in a Maroon 5 mix and walked and ran to a selection of Maroon-5, John Mayer, The Rolling Stones, Coldplay and Jimmy Hendricks. I quickly covered a couple of miles and then stopped for dinner. I then talked to my older daughters for a bit (as they descended on the house to visit) and then returned to the treadmill to d 10 more minutes after dinner.

crazily enough-it was fun
It didn't hurt that much
The music via headphones was great
Because no one is in my garage with me I could sing at the top of my lungs as only one can do when one is alone and wearing headphones (completely off key and loud!) :)



David finally produced a dinner for all of us that was delicious and low in simple refined carbs. He made quinoa risotto (remember from the Peruvian restaurant)
He cooked the quinoa in home-made chicken broth, stirred in bacon and parm. cheese and steamed broccoli. It was very good and high in protein.


Monday, March 14, 2011

Crazy Town

Work is CRAZY. I just quit working to come sit on the couch only to open my computer and spend a little more leisure time looking at it via this blog. I probably have a computer raccoon look with pulsating pupils right now from staring at the screen.

Today I split my time by working on a presentation poster for a conference i am attending next week and holding the first of my final conferences with students (the remainder are tomorrow night and Thursday). There is a pile of other stuff but I am prioritizing.

Weight? eating? I don't have time to worry about it or even think about it. I popped on the scale last night and I am holding around 167-8. I didn't remember to get on this morning. David is still doing his low glycemic index diet. I wish he would cook for all of us..he is leaving us to our own devices while he takes care of himself. Grace and I attempted some deli lobster bisque soup tonight but it was horrible. Totally tasted like shell in a bowl (bleck).

I am getting hungry again but still suffering from acid reflux. Last night I drank some orange juice and woke up in the morning with a bit of acid reflux (had similar results for past 3 days)...I am cutting out the OJ tonight.

Exercise? nope...ankles swelling again..yep (I think I cut off some sort of vein when I sit in the desk chair.

We looked for apartments on Saturday and found some promising ones. We looked for houses and property on Sunday...No luck. nice houses were either buried so far in the woods they scared the crud out of me, too expensive, or just scary.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

What a Weekend

On Thursday we started a back and forth offer-fest with a potential buyer for our house. On Friday we settled on a price and our house (barring any inspection/loan issues) is sold.

Today we started looking at possible apartments as a stop gap measure until we find something permanent. The house we had found and liked sadly sold about two months ago and is gone. We are looking on Sunday with our realtor to see what is available but we are going to take our time and find something we really like. All have acreage at this point.

David has started a diet regime. We watched a movie called fat head (a counter movie to Super-size me). The author of the movie made some good points and it sparked David to do marathon research and reading up on health and nutrition. According to the author of fat head the government mandated food pyramid and low fat/high carbohydrate diet is partially to blame on our increasing obesity rates. David is finding similar things in his research and is off on a low glycemic index diet. His carbohydrates are coming mostly from fruits and vegetables and avoiding grain based ones. He believes that it will help him stay satisfied longer and boost his weightloss. He is down three pounds since Tuesday and is happy so far with his hunger levels.

The interesting thing is although I do not avoid grain-based carbohydrates this diet idea is not all that far off what I was recommended by my band surgeon. Eat meat first, fruit and vegetables second and if room remains eat a carbohydrate product. The reason is of course..with the space I have in the pouch the likelihood of making it to the simple carbs is slim. Of course I have never followed this to a the fullest extent I can. Food comes mixed up a lot of the time and I have often had crackers or a carbohydrate based snack. Needless to say I am watching him to see how things go over the next couple of weeks. I am so not ready to give up my carbs completely yet :)

Of course my scale is in a down cycle (finally). Hormones are so huge in this whole weightloss and gain thing. I have been having some wacky monthly cycles lately and my period snuck up on me this month. I tightened up a few days ago and the scale has been dropping since. I am back down to 167 and still really tight (in a good way). The problem with this is that for a week or so I have perfect restriction (even on the tight side) and then for the remainder I am a touch too loose. The dilemma is to I have great restriction for most of the month and then risk being too tight for this week. Alternatively I can settle into this 165-170 range and just cycle between too loose with a short period of great restriction. Sometimes I wonder if this is the key to all our success? What about those who have really wide ranges of restriction during this month. Is this what makes some who aren't doing so well with the band have trouble?

I have a bunch of stuff on at work (still). I have really been having trouble working on the tiny screen of my mini-laptop (my old eyes are getting even older). I bought a larger screen to run my computer through this weekend and a new desk (I have been eyeballing a cool one from Ikea with wire legs and a large printed glass top with black leaves and bugs on it. I have coveted this desk for a couple of year snow and what a better time to invest in even more furniture when one is about to pack it all up and move to a smaller place right? :)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


It is funny how the lessons have to be repeated over and over before the sink into your head. Or is that just me?

I had an unusual day today as first thing this morning I had to run out to a school to help with some paperwork. I finished sooner than I thought and on my drive home I made one of those mental lists one makes..what should I do with this extra time? Go to work? no...go home? I stopped off at the car dealer to make an appointment to have my car in for a recall fix. I then stopped at our local mechanics to make an appointment to have a funky sound looked at (don't you just love strange engine sounds?). So that killed all of 30 minutes at I was on my way back home. On this leg of the trip I thought..Oh I could go for a long walk or workout or take a bike ride or something..No I have too much work to get done. I had better just go home and get started on it...

What did I do? I sat down. I read some blogs. I read some email. I turned on the TV!!! I then put on my slippers pulled on a blanket and took a freaking two hour nap!! Now..I had time for this nap but I did not have time to exercise for what an hour? I know darned good and well that if I had taken the time to go do some exercise I would not have gone all sleepy nor would I have wasted so much time NOT WORKING.

I also figured something else out..sitting on the couch is not a good place to digest food. I had a little scone this morning with the teacher and then suffered from acid reflux on the couch while napping because...tadah..when I am reclining like a lazy ass on my couch the food cannot move through like it should.

Before I got to goal I used to get up and move around after meals. I cleaned the kitchen, I went for walks, I puttered in the garden, I cleaned up other rooms or did laundry. Since hitting goal for some reason my brain has decided that it is OK to sit more..sit right after dinner in fact. I think these two epiphany's are worth remembering...


Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Sitting Pretty Today

Today was lovely! Springy in fact. I also miraculously had my hungries go a little quieter. I do not know if it was in my head or hormones or just what I ate but we seemed to be a family in the groove this morning.

I had some victory over the acid reflux last night...surprise..I did not eat!! :) Tonight I came home and had a cup of greek yogurt with honey and then 1/2 a bottle of water with special K protein mix in it. At 10pm I had a cup of tea with milk and honey. I can feel one empty stoma and I like it!! :)

Fingers crossed I gain a second night of pain free sleeping.

To wrap this whole thing up..I saw this really cool video about the place I live..Portland Oregon. It really makes the place look good. The book store scenes are of the store where David and I did a little shopping on our Valentine's day dates.

Happy Spring!!!


Monday, March 7, 2011

Night Time Eating

I am having a huge problem with eating. it is like this band of mine has gone and changed the rules on me of late. I am hungry in the morning and then not as much during the day (although that comes and goes). I seem plenty tight enough but am missing the nice lack of urge to snack. The real trouble starts in the evening when the 8pm cravings hit me with full force. I have always had a treat when the kids go to bed. I didn't think this 27 year habit was a problem until the acid reflux started at night. I know I should not eat at night but every evening the cravings hit me full force again and more often than not I buckle.

Last night I tried out an orange smoothie and although it went down in a lovely fashion it did not make my tummy happy once in bed. I had less reflux than when I eat something solid but It still posed a few problems. At several times in this journey I had what I consider the perfect zone...all three components converged and I was in a happy place. 1. I was hungry two or three times a day and was satisfied quickly for a long period of time. 2. I had energy to buzz around the house getting things done and getting on my bike. 3. I had no reflux and reasonable amounts of sticking or PB'ing (and could pinpoint my choices that caused it).

These days I am totally still living in the third area but parts one and two have slipped. I am thinking this is because now I am in the process of perfecting how to eat around my restriction. Not in the sense that I am eating chocolate ganache with a spoon but that my brain seems to have figured out that I can sneak in more calories if I snack and being tired means I need to rest when in fact it probably means that is the time I really need to go work out.

The sun is shining hear today. I think Spring is finally around the corner. I hope my maintenance zone drops back down to where I am happiest and the great weather brings on new bouts of action in our house.


Sunday, March 6, 2011

New Evening Treat...Hopefully Acid Reflux Safe

I have been having trouble with not eating in the evenings and then my consequence is night time acid reflux. It is funny how I can quickly be brought into good behavior with a good stuck episode but a little acid reflux and I soon forget the pain come 24 hours later.

So tonight I am trying an alternative food but mostly liquid option. I put some Orange juice, some 2% milk, 3/4 of a scoop of muscle milk vanilla protein powder (really good I might add!) and about 1/2 of frage fat free greek yogurt into my blender. I am now sipping away on a giant smooth protein drink that tastes like a creamsicle . If I froze the OJ I bet I could make it more like ice cream (or better yet in my ice cream maker...yummo.

For now it is going down in liquid form and tasting plenty good enough.

Today was a very weird food day. Yesterday I ate plenty but today my non-hungry self returned.

Wish me luck that I sleep tonight instead of perching myself up on a steep incline to keep the acid at the bottom instead of top of my tummy.

UPDATE: I went to read Ronnie's blog and it has disappeared??? Is it my stupid computer or do others have the same problem? Do we need to find Ronnie? Sounds like the makings of a good mystery :)

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Oregon and Washington Mini-Boobs Meet Up

After I found the right place (because I am a dork!) the four of us had a great time talking band and life. from right to left are:

Jen, Me, Frito Bandito, Lapband Gal

We missed Amanda :(...feel better.

Eugene bound

Off to meet the Washington and Oregon Boobs. I will take pictures!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Crazy Life

I had a conversation with my bosses wife this week. The topic of conversation was how we had in past periods of our lives avoided dealing with issues by filling our lives with work and other stuff. In general my issues were strongly related to my inability to develop boundaries. I have talked about this problem before but this week I have done some more thinking about it and, I think, clarified things for myself a little more.

One of the boundary issues I had was that I did not recognize or set boundaries of behaviors with others before they had crossed too far into my unacceptable territory. The result of this was that I would provide those closest to me with no indication that I was really bugged until I blew up. In my professional life or with friends or extended family I would go to upset and cry past this tolerance thresh-hold.

Another was that in order to avoid dealing with things i was uncomfortable with I filled my life with work and activities so that I did not think about how I felt. In all of this avoidance I did some other avoiding. I did not consciously attend to taking care of myself.

This included my eating and drinking. While I was avoiding looking at my life and boundaries I excused my fly by drive by's through McDonalds as a necessary reward for the crazy life I was living through work. I rewarded the end of a long day's work and child-caring or afternoon or even morning with a constant stream of 'rewards'. They might be a diet coke, a candy bar, a cake a cookie, ice cream, fries etc.

I never rewarded myself with time or exercise or just a break from it. Perhaps this is linked to my lack of awareness of the boundary line? I don't think I even knew where that line was. I knew when it had been crossed but I did not (and maybe still don't) know where the line needed to be in order to prevent the cross over problem. I wonder now..if that is the same problem I am just now thinking through with my eating.

Yes I am at goal. Yes I have obviously done some changing in my eating habits. Yes I can now recognize that I have boundary issues. but I am not sure that knowledge has yet transferred over into my eating. The band has done its job. It physically restricted my ability to shove food down before I think. It has forced me to eliminate some of the foods that contributed to my obesity (including that McDonalds crap). This bounce back up the scale however has either caused or coincided with this recognition that I have not completely licked my boundary issues yet.

I chose a very good time to quit my last job and take a small part time employment break from the crazy work life I had the opportunity (or was forced to) take a look at what my life has become. Did I really need to work so hard all of the time? Sure I always considered that I was doing good work and that the people I touched were impacted by my presence. Was this really true? They are coping just fine without me. Someone easily took my place. No one ever emailed with a question or need. So..why? why did I feel the need to work day and night, weekday and weekend? I can only conclude that it was my doing and my avoidance of other stuff.

Last Spring and Summer impacted this pathway to health a lot. I increased my exercise, starting eating more cleanly by growing and cooking wholesome foods. I had plenty of time to make sure this got done. Now that I have picked up this second job I feel myself slipping back into my old ways. I am working more and more evenings. I am working on Sunday night. My one clear 'me' day was Friday. I have not taken a 'me' day in months as I am spending parts of it running to meetings or from school to school picking up paperwork. A consequence of this slipping back into old habits has been accompanied by compulsions to eat McDonalds but starbucks pastries and protein boxes or fish and chips and 'treats' such as ice cream and candy from machines. I no longer have 'time' for exercise.

I have obviously failed to notice a boundary line again. The line between the time I need to keep myself healthy and the line where I fall back into the whole mess of problems I had that contributed to my pathway to obesity in the first place. I am not the only person who works more than one job. I am not the only person who does what I do even. They cope...I really need to figure out what my boundary lines are so that I can continue on with this healthful pathway and not allow myself to be derailed back into my old life.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Today is Tighter

Those of you in the cottage cheese/tuna is a slider camp might just be correct. I do know that removing bread/carby vegetables did speed up the rate of food pass through. The lunchtime portion seemed to hold me a little better. I had a cup of tea in the afternoon ( I wonder if those liquids between meals are important). I then had a burrito for dinner (fresh cooked costco flour tortilla and home-made chili with some cheese. After dinner I had a protein smoothie and some bagel chips...I should have skipped the chips.

I had acid reflux issues last night for the first time in ages (sucks for the fill idea!). I shouldn't have eaten them so late and I was a tad stressed about work the next day.

I am at work now. I had a morning protein smoothie and an afternoon diet-coke and one piece of fish and some potato chips (naughtily purchased from the fish and chip man) at2pm. I have just finished a cup of tea with milk at 3:30. I am planning on drinking a bottle of water with special K protein mix poured in.

Notice the pump up the protein techniques and increase the between meal liquids. I do not know if it is helping or if this whole endeavor is effective. If nothing else however it is making me very aware of just how much I am eating and drinking and how much more of both there is than I was eating before. The acid reflux is a red herring that I am a tad worried about.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I Think Fill?

This Tina pouch test thingy has finally made me realize that the problem might actually be that I need a teensy fill. I was starving this morning. Hoovering scraps while making Graces lunch and then at work gulped down a bottle of water with protein mix and ate my full 1 cup bowl of cottage cheese and tuna with gusto. On my way back home I stopped off for a grande coffee. I sucked it down and am now sitting here starving and ready to go get some lunch. I have more cottage cheese and tuna in the fridge to eat.

On one hand it is quite refreshing to have no trouble chug a lugging down water but on the other the screaming hunger is crazy. I am going to give it another day then call in for an appointment.

I am making a habit shift (or trying too). I found Pandora radio and bought a set of head-phones for my phone today. going to listen to radio while I move around and work in the hope that it will keep me more focused and less distracted. The music is helping with my poor mood too (so far). I am a little worried about my hearing though :)

Looking up Wednesday!


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Bad Moods

There is an air of foul moodiness in the Portland area..perhaps it is in your area too? We have had too much bad weather. We have not had enough sunshine. I am joining the region in said foulness...If yesterday was the worst day of the year it is time for things to look up.

I think Tessierose and her crew in New Orleans are onto something with the Mardi Gras gig...the most depressing part of the year needs a good party to lift the gray.

On the food front..I was a bit better today but had a bit of a bender this evening after work (a controlled bender because there was limited access now in the house..but still not in complete control).

Can Winter depression actually manifest itself into joint pain and overall feelings of illness?...I haven't felt this bad..well since before the band. grrrrrrrrrr.

I am searching for a silver lining...looking really hard. I will let you know when/if I find it.