Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Still holding off from Goal and Emotional Crud

The scale has removed its favor but I am satisfied with just hanging around down here at my lowest weight since 7th grade age 13 for all of the international followers. I am experiencing a little bit of a bounce effect but only 1-2 pounds this time. definitely not the full 7 pound bounce I had with the last round.

I have decided (whether right or wrong) that the key to my getting a weight drop requires a quick and radical cut back in my food. After reaching the bottom of a drop I can then up the food a bit and eat more normally again. My last drop was the result of my unfill day (one partially returned tea with milk, one orange/peach juice and about 1/4 cup of cashews and goldfish crackers). The next day I had 1/2 cup of soup for lunch and 1/2 cup of soup for dinner with a few bites of solids in between. Those two days brought the drop to 165. I have since returned to solids on a reasonably tight band. I have not eaten anything out of the ordinary nor have I had any one meal that was any larger than 'normal'--1/2 a cup or so. There have been snacks during the day but no food at night.

I added in a bit of exercise this week with a couple of bike rides and a couple of manic cleans. Yesterday my exercise was a marathon nap :)..OK not really any calories burned on that one.

Something I have not really talked too much about is the relationship stuff with my husband. He does occasionally read this (although I am never quite sure how much). Things from my perspective are different post weight-loss. I married a guy who didn't really care about my body (I was at my highest weight when we met and married and was quite pleased that he was not the shallow type). He loved me for my mind :)...Now that I am down here in this much better and I like to think more attractive looking place his preferences haven't changed-he is still a brain guy. The problem with this is that I would occasionally like to have more conversation/grabbing/noticing of the physical changes. An occasional wow you look great in that or something?? I am not getting this response from him. I am not even sure if I am expecting too much to get it.

Last night I asked him what he felt was the role of partners in a relationship in terms of each others emotional needs. As with all 'feelings' kinds of questions he dodged and weaved and avoided an answer. What do you all think partners should provide each other in relationships? Are your partners emotional discussion avoiders? Have your expectations changed? has your partner rolled with the punches and changed with you?


amandakiska said...

You gotta love those unemotional Brits! I saw a study years ago about various cultures and how much touching and affection they show and they ranked lowest on that scale.

The nice thing about that, as you know, is that your husband is very accepting, but the downside is, well, where you are now.

Not sure what the answer is, but I think with most men you have to be very specific about your needs. Tell him that you need him to notice how you look and compliment you. He can do it by text message or note or even email if he just can't bring himself to say the words. And of course you need to accept and recognize the ways he does show his love. Whether it is going antique shopping with you or watching your choice of show or whatever little ways he is comfortable expressing himself.

It's always SOMETHING, isn't it?

Colls said...

Hey Tina! First, I am so bummed I didn't have a chance to meet up with you when you were in NYC.

Second, thanks for always leaving me such great comments!

So, now onto the partners topic. My husband is actually really good with compliments and noticing. However, he got sick many years ago and lost about 80 lbs and has managed to keep it off. So, I feel like he knows what it's like to hear compliments.

Overall, I just think you both need to be on the same page. It is really good that you brought this up with your husband. Too bad he avoided the topic, though! Maybe you should try again and just keep trying until he can't take it anymore and is forced to speak! <3

Something About Kellie said...

This is a really interesting post for me as I have been wondering about how my relationship with my man will change as this weight journey begins.

I, like you, only have questins at this point but would be very interested if anyone would share their own experiences in this area.


Lynda said...

we've talked before about how Darrell is so much like your husband in this regard. But, he's making progress. I finally just told him that I need him to notice these things and comment on them. I know it's not important to him, but it is important to me. He listened and even complimented me on how nice I looked in a "new" sweater last night (a sweater that I bought last year but never wore because it was too small).

Having a husband that doesn't care about the way you look is truly a double-edged sword.

Lyla said...

I think communicating about your needs is important, but I also think it is important that you don't expect a drastic change from him to match the drastic change in you. It seems fair to ask him to open up with the compliments in moments when he thinks them.

I would also say this (as a psychologist, and one who works with couples on sex quite frequently)-- be open to the idea of a few couples counseling sessions in the future, IF your discontent grows. You don't have to be in super major divorce-type distress for therapy to be helpful and you both are going through a big life change right now. Life changes are ALWAYS stressful, even when they are good life changes.