Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Fill Emergency

Oh my goodness I have not been this hungry since very early on in this lapband journey. I was hungry all day. When I ate it slipped through my band quite quickly. and while I was eating I struggled to slow down enough while I was eating. I probably should run out right this minute and get a burger and fries because if I ever was able to relive my old experiences with food today would have been that time.

Apparently there was one perfectly placed glob of fat between my band and my stomach opening that disappeared when I dropped back down to this 166 pound mark. Today has been a very difficult struggle (that I largely failed) and it is a fine example of why I failed to lose weight all of the times I tried before.

My morning started out at a meeting where bagels and fruit were available. I attempted to get my hands on a cup of tea but only weird herbal varieties were available so I took a pass. My stomach was making loud noises and I was starving so I took a bagel and carefully cut it in half. Put some cream cheese on it and thought..right then. I will be loose enough to manage this beast but it should do the trick until lunch time. umm that would be a NO...I ate half and then 10 minutes later my stomach ramped back up again and I managed a second half. Yes you have just read correctly..I ate a whole bagel with cream cheese this morning (a real full sized one..we are not talking about a mini bagel here).

After my morning meeting I popped in at home needing caffeine badly. I quickly drank down a diet coke (something I have not been able to do in months) and then hoped that a greek yogurt would fill my hunger. That quickly slipped down and within 20 minutes I was hungry again.

I stopped off for a coffee on my way to my second meeting of the day and was hungry by 4:00. I went to dinner with a friend and ate a taco. A chicken taco with cheese, beans and sour cream and a corn tortilla in 4-5 bites.

While eating the bagel, the yogurt and the taco I had a really hard tome taking small bites and also a difficult time chewing once the food was in my mouth. I had to physically stop after my bites and mentally say..chew chew chew....to remind myself while eating. My appetite was screaming at me to eat and eat fast (the screaming comes from my head but also from my stomach). This part was quite surreal at times really..so compelling and loud (not physically loud but compulsion loud).

Finally this evening I went to my neighborhood bunco group and again failed to keep my mouth off of the table snacks. Usually I have very little difficulty limiting my table snacking to just a few samples. Tonight I was an eating machine. scarfing stuff from each table. It was CRAZY and so compelling ....and so very out of ordinary for me these days.


My body is screaming for me to keep this last bit of weight on...

I acted quickly today and called my surgeon's office to make a fill appointment. Thankfully they can get me in on Friday for a fill. Now if I can just stop myself from rocketing back up to the low 170's (because I know at this weight I will tighten up again). My deep hope is that this is the last real fill I need. I hope that this one does the trick in getting me down to the 164.5 I want for goal weight. I also hope that the band of stabilized weight with this fill stays around the 164.5 number instead of closer to 170.

I have noticed that with all of my fills there is a bottoming out and bouncing around effect. In more detail what I mean here is that when I get a fill there is an initial drop in weight. Maybe 4-6 pounds will be lost and then my band loosens and I bounce back up a few pounds. I then tighten up again and do the bouncing thing again and again until I get another fill. This fill got me down to 166 then the scale bounced back up to 173-ish. I then dropped up and down around 169-171.

xxxooo

5 comments:

Justine said...

Do you almost feel like you really want to enjoy being able to eat "normally" again?! Especially when you know there's an end to it all tomorrow when you get your fill? I think that's how I would feel - condemned man's last meal and all that.

amandakiska said...

Wow! I haven't been that hungry in months and months. I know what you're talking about though. I have chosen some rather high-cal foods in the past knowing I could only eat 1/4 or 1/2 and then been so hungry two hours later that I finished the whole thing. Hope the fills takes care of it for you!

Sandy Lee said...

I know how you feel. I'm on my last 10 pounds and it's agony trying to even lose an ounce. I have to remember I have the rest of my life to do it. Hope you get a fill. Hunger sucks.

Lynda said...

Wow! You had me on the edge of my seat! I am so jealous that your doctor's office can get you in so quickly. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the fill does the trick.

I had my orientation @ the Botanical Gardens today. I'll be volunteering Tuesdays 10-12 to start. I think I'm really gonna like it there.

Read said...

Oh man!!! I hope this fill totally does it for you and I'm so glad they were able to get you in so quickly.