I am much better today-thank goodness as we had a real estate agent call to show people our house. We had to do a rush clean up job in preparation by noon and then went out for lunch (Vietnamese). Just across the street from our Vietnamese place is a Starbucks...I really wanted that for lunch but I am the only one satisfied by a peppermint mocha so I resisted and went with David, Grace and grandson Grant. Grant had chicken and rice (a whole large plate of the stuff). Grace had a large bowl of beef meatball soup and David had Chicken fried rice...I ordered nothing and ate of their plates. The servings are really too big for everyone but the two boys chowed down on their own food while grace and I shared the soup. I don't know how a 2 and 1/2 year old can eat SO Much!
After we got home Grant went down for his nap and I did a little work while Grace watched TV. At 3 just as my oldest daughter got home, David left to get some stuff out of storage and Grace and I prepared to go out to a girlscout event we had a couple of people come to the door asking for a house flier (ours have apparently run out). I offered to just show them the house so they came in and looked it over. This is odd because it has been kind of dead in the housing market for us. Sure on open house weekends our agent has several people go through (12 a couple of weeks ago) but we have so far not had to vacate in the middle of the week ever. Today was odd that way. Hopefully one of them liked the place.
After the house-showing Grace and I went off to her girlscout event. It is called Thinking day and it is a day when girls are supposed to experience other cultures. Although it was a touch trivialized the girls had a great time this year. The organizers set it up as an amazing race themed event and the girls had tasks to complete as they visited several countries. our troop went from the Democratic republic of Congo, Greece, Yemen and Bolivia. Grace is still talking about it and the fun she had.
A funny thing happened at the event...a dad came in whom I have not seen in at least a year if not longer. I used to be the troop leader but when I went back to work I left it to another mom. So he stood near my while I helped his daughter make a God's eye. He said something to me about the craft and then as we walked off to another event I told him that we were planning on visiting Wales this summer (he is also from Wales). At the same time Grace walked up to me and grabbed my hand. I could tell that he didn't recognize me until then. He was very subtle but there was a facial expression change that was obvious.
This is the second failed recognition I have gotten this year and it is cool in some sense but kind of weird in another. This next bit is kind of hard to explain but I am going to try. (Ok I have deleted and retyped this about 5 times now)...So there is this conflicted part of me that misses being recognized as that old person. I had someone say to me its a good thing you are so small (we were discussing the British habit of calling someone a silly cow). I wanted to say..but I am not..well was not and I know what it is like to have all of the difficulties and attitudes people give you when you are fat. Today when this person didn't recognize me it felt a bit the same...kind of one of those..hey it just me I am not different just the shell has changed (although so much more has but not the important parts of me). This is so hard to put down into words but it is a very conflicting feeling to be happy with this new body of mine, the health and freedom it provides but sort of miss the old me as a reference point and me who was for so many years.
I wish I could say this better...and if you can say it better please help me by posting about it or adding a comment or something.
xxxooo
Living with a lapband after seeing goal is just as much work as getting there. This blog chronicles my journey to qualify for band surgery, my work to goal weight and now living with the band long term. Weight will always be an issue but there is a whole lot of living to be done.
8 comments:
Glad you are feeling better. I hope all the new traffic means the market is picking up and offers will be made soon!
Looking forward to meeting you!
Tina, I think you felt awkward by the lack of recognition because you felt that you were being defined by your weight; when in reality you are the same person just in a different shell. I've seen your inner beauty through your blog and your comments; I know that has probably always been there. Your journey to better health has probably season this beauty and made it richer though. Thanks for being there for a Newbie now a Mediumbie...I appreciate you so much and your messages that end with xoxox
Good news on the house viewers. I kind of understand how you feel about the comments on your new appearance, although I have a long way to go I feel sad for the old me when someone comments on how much weight I've lost.
I remember the flip side: someone saying to me at a party years ago the classic painful remark - Oh my God you've put on so much weight I didn't recognise you. And I said 'I'm still the same person inside' - to which she didn't reply. We had got on well when we worked together years before, and I suppose I was appealing to her to remember that I was no different. But I had 'lost' her.
I think people basically don't want the world around them to change, and they don't know what to do or what to say when it does. So in reply to your conundrum I would say that whatever happens to us externally, our inner core remains the same, and we want people to treat us for what we are inside. But only people who care about us do that.
Caroline
I think maybe it comes with having liked yourself all along, in spite of the weight.
It's thrilling when people don't recognize you, until you wonder if it's because they didn't really look at you and KNOW you when you were fat. Like, I look different but I'm still the same-- I should be recognizable! I've sort of started to think it says more about the other person's avoidance and disregard of fat people, of whom I was(am) one, than it has anything to do with me personally.
Kind of flattering, in a way. But sorta crappy in another. I mean, not to say you look the same, but you have the same eyes and smile, all that. It's just more "emerged" now, if you will. You were still beautiful at your highest. I don't see why some people are so surprised at how good we look when we lose weight. I know I'm beautiful now, and I will be then, too!
I think you are bothered by the superficiality of these acquaintances. People are (or were) seeing you as what you look like rather than as who you are.
What it tells you, though, is about their short-comings. It is not a reflection on you. Nonetheless, it is hard not to take that personal.
Your true friends, those that know you for you, they are the ones that show you the image of who you are to yourself.
That would be my take on it, from what you said...
I think I know what you mean. My dad got married in October and his new wife has two daughters. One of them is pregnant and we were talking at Christmas about gaining weight while pregnant. I told her I gained about 70 lbs. And she said it looked like I had no trouble losing it. I think it made her feel better and I didn't say anything about having WLS to lose it. She's only known me thin. I don't know. You're right! This is hard stuff to discuss.
Fingers crossed for offers on your house!
Are you bringing Grace to Eugene? I think my kids will be with me.
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