Thursday, February 10, 2011

Is it Hormones or Thin Confidence.

I held my ground today in another work related....'discussion'. My colleague was controlling how I handed off some data. I tried doing a little problem-solving and she rolled into a phase of defending and then criticizing. A few short years ago my irritation would have quickly gone from irritation to a surge of feelings of unfairness followed closely but a welling up of tears and upset. Today the irritated feelings swelled up and I voiced them. I requested (probably tersely) that she inform me of the process so I was not constantly asking her to take my data and transfer it. I requested that I be given the file saving format. She defended again...i responded with..teach a girl to fish as I am tried of feeling like a data mule and that is a waste of everyone's time. I did this in front of our boss. Our boss responded with a light joke...it depends on what you are transferring (which I was too irritated to get at the time)...anyway.She continued to defend and do the ..its not my fault it is yours game when I interrupted her and said, "this is not a discussion about fault. This is a request that we solve the problem." Again...having another moment of awe at this change in my emotions...

Those upset feelings do not well up anymore? Why? is is menopause? or did the lost fat reveal some kind of a stronger me? I never did feel like it was in my control before..the upset teariness just washed over me..where did that go? why did that go?

I am glad..honestly but figuring it out would sure help my daughters learn how to stop the crying when mad/upset scenario as I passed the 'skill' onto them.

I really think it is hormone related..mine are soooooo screwed up right now..but for once a positive symptom.

xxxooo

6 comments:

Rachel said...

This is great...I almost wanted to weep when reading this...I too feel like the band repaired my ability to interact more effectively at work...I'm so grateful...I'm grateful to you for writing this because I know exactly what you mean...x0x0x0x

Shannon said...

I am a weepy one myself and long for a moment to just tell people how it is instead of getting overly frustrated and break down. I hope I have that moment

Lonicera said...

I've always thought that the overweight we carry isn't just outwardly visible, it's also a heavy mantle weighing down on us, making us bow our heads as we try not to be noticed. I was surprised to learn when I joined the NHS about the policy of zero tolerance to discrimination, and how fiercely it's enforced. I like this, it has the effect of giving shy people confidence. You also get the other end of the scale - there are various large female colleagues I work with who are aggressive as hell!!
Caroline

tessierose said...

I think it's a combination of age, hormones (perhaps) and increased self confidence. I've always been a very emotional person and the tears would appear at the most inopportune moments, robbing me of credibility. Now, I have a much better handle on my emotions. Sometimes I still get the tears, but generally I'm able to articulate my feelings without them. Bravo Tina!

Ronnie said...

That's an AWESOME reaction. I also have always responded with tears, but I find lately I'm slowly getting my voice back. :) Isn't it great?

Jen from Oregon said...

crying is my stress response. I HATE IT! I can be so pissed off and wanting to scream and yell but instead I cry and shake and lose my voice. GOOD ON YA!!!!!

Let me know via email jenisgonnaloseit@gmail.com when you are headed south.

Lap Band Gal and I were just bouncing around the idea of a mini-meet up sometime. would you be interested?