Hormone Hell

Apparently my body forgot that I already had my period this month. Instead of ovulation I am apparently having another. Goodness knows what is going on but on one hand the 5 pounds I gained over Christmas are quickly dropping again with some of the water. On the other hand...I am tired because I rolled into horrible sleep patterns while on vacation. I did not eat properly and am worn down and am now full on back to the crazy work schedule an don't have time to deal with the added fatigue, grouchiness, band tightening, and pre-planning a period brings. ....I cannot decide if a series of cuss marks or self-pity is more appropriate here.

On a good note I had a bit of a NSV today..only I am not sure if it is related to my weightloss or if it is related to my continuing maturity or if it is related to the shot of testosterone that i am sure is hitting my system (given the wacky period thing). I have been working on conference presentation proposals for one of the grants I work on at the university. My science counterpart wrote a third one. We spent all day today finalizing the work and doing the always required cutting to make it exactly the right length to fit in the proposal formats. I have put forth at least two full days work on these things. Right before we went to upload them to the system we found out we needed to register for the conference first.

My colleague called our boss to tell him that we would need to register and to make sure that was OK. Said boss told her that there would only be room for one of us to go to the conference because he and the other lead organizer for the grant would need to go and one of our other (pain in my side irritating colleagues who rarely does her job) colleagues had already (without permission) registered herself to go to this conference. Well..the two of us were the only two flipping people who had done any work to earn a trip to this conference and we wrote the proposals with quite some effort. Needless to say we were fuming mad.

OK now here is the NSV part-instead of being upset and crumbling into a crying mess or avoiding the whole confront the boss scenario I got mad too!! like really mad..not mad crying or mad sad..really angry mad. My colleague and I marched over to our boss's office and pulled him out of a meeting (I did that part) and I forced him to made a decision. He sent the offending colleague over to check the budget and I responded by saying I could not wait around for that to happen and needed to go off to my other job but if I was not registering to go I would not be uploading the proposals I had written..(like all firm and clearly in one of those I am in control and mad as hell at this ridiculous situation)...

I am sure that many of you will think this is a perfectly appropriate and normal way to handle this situation....but this...was huge for me. I do not and have never confronted well or been able to handle any feelings of anger well. I have ALWAYS cried when I was mad....Whatever the reason...whatever the cause I have been wishing to be able to do this my whole life and hated the old crying thing. 47 has been a very good year for me....:).

wow it just occurred to me that this huge event even happened while having my period and super tired and sick...it was the perfect storm of danger and I did not crack. It has to be testosterone don't you think? Maybe I am growing man bits down there even :)hehe

Crazy...

xxxooo