Goal

I am a critical person-I am sure a read back in time will show this. I don't really think this means I am a negative or mean spirited. It does mean that I look at stuff with a critical detailed eye and try to figure out the effective areas and the room in which improvements can be made. This is probably why I do the job that I do.

All week you have seen the whining and the analyzing as I work through this life I am trying to figure out as 'goal' or above 'goal' or whatever. What follows are, I am sure, the beginning of a few ramblings about living goal.

1. A goal is something you hit..not necessarily someplace you stay. I have decided that my weight has never been stable. Expecting it to hit 264 or 263 and stick there forever is a tad unrealistic. Then the question that follows in my head is..what is realistic? My husband and kids and friends all say that if anything it looks like I have lost weight not gained the five pounds the scale tells me is hanging back on my carcass. Do I care...well I am critical so yes..yes I do care. I can feel a few difference in my clothes. I don't know what realistic is. I do know that going over 170 freaks the heck out of me (I stepped on the scale fully clothes last night and it read 171..I am about lost it. I quickly stripped and it dropped to 169..sigh). So 170 is an upper bound. I imagine 164 is a safe bound but heck...163 was a low point so I am not sure that is realistic.

2. I know exercise is key but Winter is kicking my ass. I have been listening to my body and trying to convince it to exercise and eat better. I am sluggish and craving carbs like crazy...Is this a Winter problem? A fill problem? A lack of vitamin D problem? My body fighting to get fat again? Probably all of the above.

3. I have hooked myself back onto the coffee train..it is time to get off and start drinking the tea set up I have ready to go at work. My little un fill episode over said tea has had the effect of causing me to avoid it (after all it is not really as tasty as the evil caloric coffee I drink).

4. This new phase is more about balancing than pushing to lose. in a way it is just as difficult as losing because although you get the really great aspects of feeling like you look good and buying new clothes all of that comes with change. I had the pushing down the scale game mostly figured out...but maintaining takes finesse and a changed strategy. I obviously don't know what that strategy is and I didn't plan ahead for this.

ON a side note I had a friend invite David and I to a Valentines weekend dance. It will be my first real opportunity to dress up post band. I need a dress! For the first time ever I am kind of looking forward to this shopping trip. I think my first stop will be some new skin holding spanx...After that...well I am not sure if I should go for color or black, long? short? swirly, figure hugging? eek :) I Will keep you posted
xxxooo