Thursday, September 16, 2010

Food Porn? With and Update

I am eating the most delicious juicy turkey reuben sandwich right now. Luxurious toasted bread with caraway seeds, delicious fresh tasting sauerkraut, fresh turkey, tomato, very thinly sliced red onions and exquisite thousand island dressing that drips out with every bite. The bread is the perfect amount of toasted crunch coupled with slightly soggy mush from the sauerkraut juice and dressing....

in contrast I am scared. With every bite I am trying to quell my excitement at such a delicious lunch. My mind and body are screaming at me to take very large bites and swallow quickly so that I can take a another. while my common sense is screaming..don't forget you have a band and if you don't chew the pain will be horrible and if you eat too much you will have to run out of your office and down the hall to a public restroom to PB. My fortitude is being tested...can I listen to my common sense? Can I balance the pleasure with the requirements that my band makes upon me?

After three luxurious bites and as much chewing as my excited senses will allow I forcefully have had to put the sandwich down and push it away....I HAVE to stop and listen....am I full...I knew that I would not hear with that gorgeous sandwich in my hands....it is on the corner of my desk. it still smells so good. I have opened this post in order to occupy my hands so that I do not grab at the sandwich for a few minutes (you cannot type with greasy 1000 island dressing hands)....breathing now....the sandwich is sitting OK. I can feel it in my stomach but I have not over eaten nor, I don't think, have I failed to chew an errant strand of onion or kraut. ahhh my comfortable burps. That means my food has hit band...and better yet is going through.

Ok...I think I have some control again. I think it is important to realize (hence this post) that just because i have had my little band for more than two years does not mean that I have a good grip on food. It is still there. Sometimes the desire to plunge myself into my old friend is very strong. Since my fill last week the desire has resurfaced with a vengeance.

As I have said in other posts I truly believe this is my body weight thermostat fighting to hold onto my weight. This morning I was back down to 172. My clothes have loosened up considerably and I am headed into a huge milestone. I am about to forge all time lows in my weight. From the age of 12 until I was 19 I weighed 170 pounds. Briefly for one week when I was 17 I dropped to 165 pounds. My goal is 164.5 I am in that zone. the stuff of only brief fleeting moments of my life. My body is still fighting..it fights through all of my senses not just my stomach. Right now it is tapping in my mind; screaming at me to wolf some food down and chase down high carbohydrate, high calorie items. My band...my friend...is helping me at least keep the demons at bay. 7.5 pounds to go.

Update-I ended up managing two more bites before I called it quits. It was delicious in every way and 5 bites were enough. I then walked across campus to a meeting and stashed the leftovers in the fridge there. I stayed so full for the next hour and 1/2 that I couldn't really even drink anything. I ended up forgetting the leftovers and came home remaining full (but could sip water) until 9pm. I just finished aobut 3/4 cup of chicken curry soup over the last 30 minutes. My total food for the day:

Breakfast-tall skim peppermint mocha
Lunch-5 bites (focusing on getting mostly turkey)of my sandwich
Dinner-3/4 c chicken coconut curry soup

As a side note-I did not push away that sandwich. It was pure band delivered fear that did it. If my stomach could have taken that bad boy in I would have wolfed it down. Just 5 bites was probably a better experience than the whole thing would have been. It was as close to an orgasmic experience as I have ever had with food.

5 comments:

tessierose said...

Great post Tina, you're a super star!

Linda Kay said...

Keep up the good work!

Gen said...

Wow you are so close to breaking new territory. Awesome! And WTG on pushing away the sandwich.

amandakiska said...

Love this post!

I thought you were going to BOOBS? If you're around, please come to Eugene on Sunday, 9/26 at noon for lunch. I think it will be me, Janelle from Lap Band Living (Salem) & Debi from Hawaii Bound Bandster as well as Debi's husband and maybe Janelle's mom. Email me if you can make it amandakiska@yahoo.com

Lonicera said...

Wow, that was powerful! (Except the raw onion, couldn't cope with that!) This is also my experience, if I could only confine myself JUST to this sort of meal...
Caroline