Tuesday, September 28, 2010

2.5 Freaking Pounds Left....Unimaginable Ground Here

This morning my beautiful...wonderful...scale gave me another pound. 166...If that scale had lips I would kiss it. I think I have said it before but anything below 170 is gravy for me. It is coolarific beyond my wildest dreams territory that I have only reached once..one brief week at the age of 16 when I ran each day during lunch and drank a pint of milk for lunch. I then picked at dinner and attempted to eat nothing else all day. I credit this year of eating dangerously with setting up most of my binge and purge eating issues that followed. This was the first time I really dieted and set up the "perfect on" or "just plain off" diet behaviors that followed.

During this dieting period I reached an all time low of 165 and then If I remember correctly ended the week (yes I held this weight for about that long)with a binge. For this week my size 14 A-smile pants became baggy on me and I probably could have fit into a size 12 (remember the size scale has changed since then so that 14 is now a 12 and that 12 would have been a 10 by today's standards). Anyway I did not have the chance to go look for a smaller pair of jeans because I broke the diet one day after school when I took out a bag of instant pancake mix and proceeded to eat 4 very large pancakes with ice cream on top. I quickly regained the hard earned 5 pounds and rolled from 170-175 until I graduated from high school.

Today..my beautiful scale read 166 only 1 pound from that all time low. This time for the first time I am not worrying about a regain or even the loss of a thread of control because my friend the band helps me feel satisfied. Binges are a thing of the past. deep mental and physical hunger are mostly gone as well. I get hungry yes but it is a hunger easily satisfied by a small meal. I have learned to enjoy my flavors in small bites but savored thoroughly and completely in each bite. I view variety as my joy when sampling food. Before quantity is what it was all about.

2.5 pounds until I can say I am normal but really I feel normal now. Normal in that food is a part of my life that I enjoy but not a part that is wrapped in a roller-coaster of joy followed by self-loathing and fear.

2 years and 38 days from surgery and I have lost 138 pounds. that is about 5.2 pounds a month. So...Slow and Steady DOES win...and Patience and slow plodding is possible. xxxooo


Lonicera said...

Congratulations Tina - an inspiration to all of us!!

Justine said...

That is just fantastic! Well done!! And, as you say, slow and steady really does win the race - you have the winning line in sight.

LDswims said...

Awesome progress and such an inspiration for me. What a great post!!!

Allan said...

First, Congrats. In response to your comment over in my blog, I am not sure what the question was. Email me please, so I can understand. Again, a great accomplishment !!