Monday, July 5, 2010

Moving Forward/ Looking Back

I have read on several blogs and probably even posted on my own about how compared to 'before' I eat much less food. This got me to thinking about how I had to change at periods over my weightloss journey. I did a lot of comparing--I eat less than I did kind of stuff. I would look at my meal at restaurants or watch others eat and feel very good about what I accomplished.

At some point I had to let go of what was and think about what was needed. I could only do so much patting on the back without getting stuck in a loop of I am better. Eventually that 'better' isn't enough and yet another change needs to be made. Several times I have found myself in a stalled weightloss cycle. I have looked at my weightloss record and graph and can almost see where those places were. The weightloss stalls and I went into a flatline (no weightloss but passing time). During these time I have posted about the decision dilemma. Do I need a fill? what am I doing wrong? why has the scale stopped moving? Is this a plateau? In almost all of these occasions I eventually needed a fill. sometimes, however I needed to alter some of my behaviors.

Honestly I have used a new fill on most of those occasions to prompt my behavior change. Fast food went when the band forced me to throw up that food too many times. Eventually my pattern of driving up for food ended. Too many instances of ice cream eating was put to a stop intentionally (to some extent I traded ice cream for coffee) and to some extent the band helped as I hit my sweet spot three meals a day was plenty and I was so concerned about getting in enough protein and liquids that I no longer had space for too much ice cream. This was kind of a background decrease in food quantity until I hit an optimum fill level. After that I needed top up fills in order to keep my at that optimum level.

Also in the background was an ever increasing implementation of small exercise steps. I took stairs, I walked I stopped being able to sit for long periods of time so I cleaned house more, walked around more and even changed my activities more. I attempted to introduce real exercise but have not been completely successful with that.

Which brings me to now...I hate it when someone posts something where you can clearly see their problem and start to tell them what you think is wrong..and then your own flaws slam you in the face :)...It is time for me to reevaluate what I need to do.

My fill is good. I clearly do not need another and in fact if I'm not very careful I might be facing the need for an unfill. The problem is my weightloss has slowed down to an unsatisfactory level. so looking over my habits and food intake what is left to change? Now I can turn to what I have already done..

I can compare the fact that the old me would have eaten a cheese sandwich for breakfast, a latte and pastry at mid-morning, a two cheeseburger meal with a large diet coke for lunch, a decent snack of whatever was left in the fridge and then dinner off of a large plate or pasta or some other high calorie item. This would then be followed by an evening snack. Ice cream or a bowl of cereal at night.

Now it is a skim peppermint mocha, tea or a diet coke for breakfast. an ounce or two of cheese for lunch with a few crackers. another coffee or some other small item for a mid-afternoon snack and finally some 1/2-1 cup sized item for dinner (usually meat, veg and maybe pasta or rice). Tonight it was about 1/2cup of home-made fried rice.

I have gone from mostly eating out to mostly eating in. I have gone from a lot of food to a small amount of food but that isn't enough. If it were I would still be losing. Although I hit 180 a few days ago I have had a bounce back to 182. That means that I have lost 2 pounds this month. It is think about what more I can change.

the 'What' has been screaming at me for weeks or even months..but I have quietly turned my head away and avoided it. I played with it for a month of so a while back but as has always been my way...when it got tough I shied away and slipped back to my old ways. What is the 'what' you you might be thinking..or most of you might already know. Exercise!!!!! I need to get off my arse and really MOVE. I know exercise will get the scale moving again I just have to actually do it on a regular basis. Yes the little stuff is great and good but I need to look forward not continue to pat myself on the back for how far I have come.

Tomorrow...I get back on my bike and make another change to get off the last 15 pounds.


THE DASH! said...

I truly loved what you wrote. I have hit the point where I am maintaining now - and not having had a fill in months are quite happy where I am. I love the fact you are introspective and look at the big picture. That 15 pounds will go.. it will. Especially with a great attitude like you have.

THE DASH! said...

Ok thats weird.. where did my comment go on this one? I wrote it, it showed up and now I've come back its gone :( Sheesh these comps are fickle.
I was going to ask about your story : you know the one Gen hosts when you hit 12 months or goal. I cannot find it anywhere and would love to read it. Can you give me the link please? lol thanks. xx Im logging out to see if my original comment is here. ack.

TJ said...

Starting the exericise routine is so hard. We find excuses and heck they might even be valid excuses, but they don't help us get moving.

What I found to be helpful (even though I refused to admit it for a long time) is to start small but often. For some reason it is actually easier to do 5 days a week than 3 (from a mental and physical point of view).

I started small - 10 minutes. Once I could go all five days at 10 minutes I went to 15 on a couple. Then all days at 15. Then a couple at 20, all days at 20, a couple days at 25, etc... I found that if I started small my excuses just weren't valid. I knew I could fit 10 minutes into my day. I knew I could actually do almost any form of exercise for 10 minutes. By the time I got to doing 30 minutes each day I found that I felt so different I wanted to exercise. I still have days that I have to force myself, but the struggle is much easier since I know how great I will feel.

Ashley said...

I definitely get into a cycle of patting myself on the back when I compare my plate to other's plates. But you are right--sooner or later my behavior has to change again! For example, I got my third fill on Thursday. On Saturday I tried to eat ribs with my family AND drink a beer at the same time. Can we say "STUPID"?? Lol. I think sometimes I just like to test my limits. So of course I threw up and now I am re-evaluating everything I eat again.

The upside of fills is that it is like a check-in point to re-evaluate what we're putting into our bodies and how it affects us and the band.

I, too, avoid almost all fast food now (except for a parfait from time to time) and am very careful when we go out to dinner (minus this past Saturday).

amandakiska said...

I rode my bike to work today and will again on Thursday. The weather is so beautiful, although it is getting hot!

Enjoy your exercise. I would love to be at 180. I also like your new photo banner. I'd not seen "before" pictures of you before. In my mind you've always been a skinny-minnie!

Sandy Lee said...

Exercise is the best! I feel so much better after only 1 month of going to the gym. But you are right-we all need to get off our arse. You go girl!

CeeJay said...

Found your blog through some other WL blogs. What an awesome story! Congratulations on your hard work and best wishes on meeting your next goals! You rock!

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