Friday, July 27, 2012

Ok..I am now doing the 'crazy' stuff.

When I was first banded I used to judge..yup..me..

I had my band.  It worked.  I would get a fill.  I would lose..that lost would taper off and I would get another fill.  what I didn't account for and am still having trouble coming to terms with is this place I seem to have wiggled into where my brain is now overpowering my tool.  I am working things and not in a good way.

So today..I am going down the trail that I once considered crazy.  I would read a fellow bandsters blog who was 'doing' the 1 week pouch test, or going back on liquids, or going high protein only or some other 'crazy' non-normal diet-y thing and I wold say..well why would they do that when the band is doing the job.  Yeah well  see me over here..I am now eating crow and I am living in a great big old glass house.

This 20 pounds is driving me INSANE...not enough to avoid Ben and Jerry obviously, not enough to stop eating f-ing cookies, not enough to get off my arse and get on my bike again but...still INSANE.  Before on the way down it was kind of easy to find a bit of resolve and DO something about my bad habits or stop doing the thing I knew was a problem..or start doing the thing I was supposed to do.

Now...I am abusing my poor band and for some reason I am failing to find the resolve to do what I know I need to do.  What is the deal with that anyway?  Is it because I am bored with it? Is it because my brain is messing with me?  what????  So...today I am going to visit crazy land.  I know that if I make a bold statement that says I am going to do x for a week that I will fail.  I can however commit to today..just like those old AA rules say..one day, hour, minute.   So today..Tina is visiting crazy land and I am going to fast.

I have a non-banded friend who did it.  He recommends fasting as it helped to clear out his bad habits, made him feel energized and so forth.  He managed to keep his fast up for 9 days.  I am going for today and will revisit this tomorrow.

Now let me tell you how difficult this is going to be.  I have NEVER fasted...ok let me revise that.  I have never fasted in an unsupervised setting.  I fasted in the hospital after I had each of my four children for a few days (cause they don't let you eat after c-sections) and I fasted for two days when I got the band (day before surgery and day after).  That is it.  I have tried several times for weight-loss efforts and failed.  Usually not past lunch frankly.

Today..just today..I am going to stick to water..lots and lots of water..and perhaps a beverage with caffeine but NOT a frapp.

So..chime in?  Am I going down the crazy path?

12:00 and all is well..but I am   HUNGRY!!  Ignoring with water.

5:37 pm and I have only had water and some flavored stuff (yup fake sweetener).
I think I am ready to go to Starbucks and get another berry thing just to feel like I am getting something besides water.  Besides..break that habit?? crazy :)

I might have a cup of hot tea before bed.  Funny thing here-my arm is killing me like I have had an eating fest.  It is kind of annoying.

10:40-I held out until 10:06.  I made a protein smoothy...I am going to call it on target and see how far I get tomorrow.  I was feeling a little faint around 9:30 and decided the protein drink was in order.  I am not even sure if it was real..could have been my little stupid mind messing with me.  I do feel better now though.

6 comments:

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

I have been in the same mind set as you for about a year, and it's so hard to break the cycle. I finally have my mojo back, I'm on my third week of Weight Watchers and down 5 pounds. It's been tough, but being accountable is so important for me. I finally had a moment when I realized, if I could do this without dieting...I wouldn't have needed WLS! Duh! I say do whatever it takes. To me...sugar is the devil, and second in line is the artifical devil. I'm rooting for you!!!!

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

YOU GO GIRL! I have seriously never thought of fasting cuz I know I couldn't do it BUT I have always wanted to do a detox because it's sort of the same. I think you can do this...I think you can do anything. I'll be looking for your posts to see how you do!

o.c. bandster said...

I will be thinking about u in the next few days. Good luck with the fast. I wouldn't do more than a day or two b/c you don't want your metabolism to go into starvation mode.

I have been thinking crazy too...got to break my sugar cycle I am in right now.

Ronnie said...

Whoo, you're brave, Tina! I would never be able to fast, I love eating too much. How's it going today? :)

CeeJay said...

I hear ya! Do whatever you need to d to get your head clear. If something isn't working, try something else...even if it seems a bit odd. Lol. Just find your happy place again.

CeeJay said...

I hear ya! Do whatever you need to d to get your head clear. If something isn't working, try something else...even if it seems a bit odd. Lol. Just find your happy place again.