SO Boring...Not

Hidy ho.

shhhh...come in a little closer....total weirdness...kind of fun and flattering but still...since I lost weight I have noticed that I get a little more attention from ehem..men who are not my husband (Ok make that any attention).  I was introduced to this 'guy' the other night at our local wine bar.  We chitty chatted.  He moaned about his search for a good woman.  I told him he missed my friend who was looking for a good man but she has returned home to the UK.  A week later David and I are sipping another glass and relaxing when 'guy' comes out to say hello with a little banter about my searching for a good woman for him.  Ok..I might have crossed some sort of flirting line when I asked him if he biked earlier in the day and that I saw him and he was looking good in his bike wear. I was only sayin it because i like a good bikers calves you know..artistically speaking.  There was further light discussion about riding bikes (cause I used to and he does and David was involved in this conversation the whole time).  Now fast forward to today and....guess who came into the shop in his bike wear all sweaty to sit down for a chat???

um..if I were not a happily married woman..Im just saying.  Very flattering for ones ego.

Aww I Love a Day Off

Monday is the new Saturday for me.  The store is closed and Grace and I get to leave :)

This week is a touch different in that I have a kids camp this week with two students.  This morning I helped two girls (one was a no show) learn a little bit about different kinds of fabrics and what was best for doll clothes (print size and weight) and what was not so good.  They each picked out some fabrics for their 18" doll wardrobe and then did very well making each of their dolls a skirt and got half-way through a simple tshirt.  They even had enough time for a short 'coffee' break of water and cake.

At noon Grace and I bundled up a bunch of packages that have needed mailing for ages. Went and had lunch at a local sandwich place. Found grace some shoes (she didn't outgrow them this time but made them STINKY..pewww.  We then went down to a local plastics place to get a magazine rack for the shop, a fold-up sign holder for the front sidewalk and looked into having inserts made for my yarn shelves (I have so much yarn I need to organize things better).

This weekend we discussed how/what/if we were going to try and do any vacationing.  We have decided to keep it conservative for this summer.  We are going to try and fit in one over-nighter on the coast in the next few weeks and then stay home for the rest.  We have a kitchen remodel thing happening in the next couple of weeks (new bar put in and door separating our living space with the shop).  We have to be home for that as well as make sure we pay for it.

Foody news:

I am a touch tight today (happy about that one).  The scale dipped down a pound today (about damned time) and I have not had any frappy just my berry breeze blended tazo thingy (I really don't eve  know what to call it anymore).  I am still kind of puffy with water retention and am hoping that starts to drain off soon.

We walked a bit last night (not enough but some).  I really need to get back on my bike or some other exercise related activity to get my metabolism turned on again.  I do at this stage think....well..I might..try this day of fasting again next week.

xxxooo

Day Two

I am not sure this really constitutes as a fast exactly but it is by far the closest I have ever come to on my own steam. I am feeling a little foggy today (kind of like I have a hangover)...The question is whether that is a detox hangover or a lack of food hangover (bahahahah).

Ok so to recap yesterday:

two venti berry breeze with hibiscus tea at Starbucks (2 X 140 calories)
two bottles of water
one pineapple coconut juice drink thing (0 calories)
one protein smoothie ala Tina (1/4 cup of cream, 1 cup of water, 1/5 cups of crushes ice, 1 teaspoon of cocoa powder, 1 scoop vanilla whey protein powder, 2 teaspoons PB2)  I have no idea how many calories here.

A little story-I was so distraught watching the girls eat ice cream and gummy bears in the kitchen that I almost lost it last night.  My hand was literally itching to eat a gummy bear.  I couldn't touch the bags to put them away and had to call Grace into the room to get them.  When I cracked and decided to have a protein smoothy I went to the fridge for the milk and it was freaking gone (almost dropped on the floor and had a little temper tantrum).  I took the cream and watered it down (yes it didn't taste very good and yes it was worth it).

Today I am going for day two:

The scale did not move on tiny little bit (i usually reserve the f word for pretty strong emotions...I called my scale a f-wad out loud this morning.

I am having my initial starbucks venti breeze thingy.

update:

Ok I am going hour to hour here now.  I had a minor melt down 14 minutes ago and stated to David and Grace that I didn't think I was going to make it.  Since there wasn't a food item immediately at hand (I am down in the shop and a customer came in) I have now made it through and am feeling somewhat confident that I can make it to dinner.  Still seething about the scale though.

update 2:  I cried uncle.

This is probably the part where I should have held strong. I am sure it was some sort of a hurtle or something.  Word to the wise:  Never try to fast on a weekend.  David and Grace were spreading messes and the lack of food impacted my patience.  I seemed to be coping with customer service but family was just too much.  I send David out for a small Caesar salad with chicken.  I had four slices of chicken from the salad (about 2-3 oz I would say) as well as a teas. of Parm. and three pieces of lettuce (i know this because I eat lettuce with caution).  I am good now..feeling kind of queasy in fact.  bleh..It was DELICIOUS while going down and I am really happy my hearts desire was a salad after this.

Ok..I am now doing the 'crazy' stuff.

When I was first banded I used to judge..yup..me..

I had my band.  It worked.  I would get a fill.  I would lose..that lost would taper off and I would get another fill.  what I didn't account for and am still having trouble coming to terms with is this place I seem to have wiggled into where my brain is now overpowering my tool.  I am working things and not in a good way.

So today..I am going down the trail that I once considered crazy.  I would read a fellow bandsters blog who was 'doing' the 1 week pouch test, or going back on liquids, or going high protein only or some other 'crazy' non-normal diet-y thing and I wold say..well why would they do that when the band is doing the job.  Yeah well  see me over here..I am now eating crow and I am living in a great big old glass house.

This 20 pounds is driving me INSANE...not enough to avoid Ben and Jerry obviously, not enough to stop eating f-ing cookies, not enough to get off my arse and get on my bike again but...still INSANE.  Before on the way down it was kind of easy to find a bit of resolve and DO something about my bad habits or stop doing the thing I knew was a problem..or start doing the thing I was supposed to do.

Now...I am abusing my poor band and for some reason I am failing to find the resolve to do what I know I need to do.  What is the deal with that anyway?  Is it because I am bored with it? Is it because my brain is messing with me?  what????  So...today I am going to visit crazy land.  I know that if I make a bold statement that says I am going to do x for a week that I will fail.  I can however commit to today..just like those old AA rules say..one day, hour, minute.   So today..Tina is visiting crazy land and I am going to fast.

I have a non-banded friend who did it.  He recommends fasting as it helped to clear out his bad habits, made him feel energized and so forth.  He managed to keep his fast up for 9 days.  I am going for today and will revisit this tomorrow.

Now let me tell you how difficult this is going to be.  I have NEVER fasted...ok let me revise that.  I have never fasted in an unsupervised setting.  I fasted in the hospital after I had each of my four children for a few days (cause they don't let you eat after c-sections) and I fasted for two days when I got the band (day before surgery and day after).  That is it.  I have tried several times for weight-loss efforts and failed.  Usually not past lunch frankly.

Today..just today..I am going to stick to water..lots and lots of water..and perhaps a beverage with caffeine but NOT a frapp.

So..chime in?  Am I going down the crazy path?

12:00 and all is well..but I am   HUNGRY!!  Ignoring with water.

5:37 pm and I have only had water and some flavored stuff (yup fake sweetener).
I think I am ready to go to Starbucks and get another berry thing just to feel like I am getting something besides water.  Besides..break that habit?? crazy :)

I might have a cup of hot tea before bed.  Funny thing here-my arm is killing me like I have had an eating fest.  It is kind of annoying.

10:40-I held out until 10:06.  I made a protein smoothy...I am going to call it on target and see how far I get tomorrow.  I was feeling a little faint around 9:30 and decided the protein drink was in order.  I am not even sure if it was real..could have been my little stupid mind messing with me.  I do feel better now though.

10 things Thursday cause you know sometimes its nice to follow :)

1.  Thursday is a long work day.  I open at 10am and have a bunch of knitters, tatters, crocheters and so on in from 6:30-9.  We talk, and count and drink (sometimes water sometimes wine) and have cookies.

2.  One of my regulars brought in some yarn she dyed with KOOL Aid..so completely nifty and I so want to do this.

3.  I have a problem with food rewards.  Tonight..I have a little menage with Ben and Jerry :)  I don't feel guilty yet but I am sure that will change when the scale doesn't move down in consequence.

4.  I am almost done with a stuffed bear I have been knitting since June...so happy to see it finished.  This will leave me open to start something new.

5.  I have sooo much work to do.  ( I could list way more than 10 but they are all knitting related)

6.  hmm is my life so boring I cannot think of anything more than 5 things to say???????

7.  I have been playing phone tag..ok she emails and I phone for two days with a friend in the UK..Time zones suck sometimes.

8.  I do like having my own business even though the hours are kind of long.  I do not like being trapped in a store all day though.  I hope things work out so that I can pop in and out more (like enough money to hire an employee!).

9.  Ok a bit of a dilema..my 30th high school reunion is next weekend.  I was going to go but I have concert tickets that I have had for ages to go with a friend to Seattle.  I have David to man the store but he does not do knitting.

Should I try and stretch it to going to the other side of the state after the concert or just give it a miss.  I wasn't really close to any of my high school colleagues.  I didn't go to my 20 year reunion.  At my 10 year everyone was way more excited to visit with my ex husband than me (They didn't really know me as I started in the middle of 10th grade and was super shy).  Here is the thing though..Facebook...I have friended some of them and we have had a few interesting interchanges.

If I go I have to leave David alone at the store for Friday afternoon, Saturday and Sunday or close (bad practice for sure)..ahhhg

10.  Right now my stance is concert yes..then come home pretty quickly on Saturday.  There is a little piece of me however that wants to go.

Posting While Drunk

4 glasses of wine-That is all it takes.  

I taught a crochet class tonight:  two glasses of wine.  We did have a good time though-but-why is teaching someone how to do something physical more difficult than teaching them math? ...............(yes these are for you.........do you know who I mean? :)

Yup..definitely a little too much wine.

After class ended (crochet and I was teaching) I realized that David and I were home alone.  Grace went off to a sleep over.  We decided to take a walk...right to the wine bar around the corner.  We had two more glasses of wine and visited with neighbors.  Did I tell you I serve wine at many of my knitting and crochet classes? I love this neighborhood.  You go around the corner and there are good people with whom you can visit.  

One our way back home David and I discussed why this neighborhood is so good.  He decided it was a mis-management of zoning policies in general-Everyone in suburbia should live in places with places to eat, drink and be merry within walking distance.  It is good for the business, good for the neighbor and good for the police.  business-gets more because nipping out for a quicky is just that.  Good for neighbors because we go and actually talk and visit at these places.  and good for the police as we are WALKING instead of driving home.  I am not sure why suburbia hasn't figured this out.  My old neighborhood-we could walk to church but not to eat or drink (we didn't).

um..weight? what weight?  I talked to my neighbor about my lapband and found out that another friend was looking into getting one.  I talked to another neighbor who is looking for a good woman..little did he know that I have another friend who is looking for a good man.  um...

I am still moderating my Starbucks obsession..sitting at one berry cooler (140 calories) and one frapp (400 calories) a day for two days.  I was a bit PMS-y and feeling sorry for myself.  I was also tight-I wonder if there is a connection?

yup well..will see what the scale says over the next couple of days.  OH..I did make a pact to walk three days a week with a neighbor while at the bar :)

How are you?  How is your drinking life going?  Can you read this?  I have never written a blog post under the influence before..ummm at least I don't think so....Happy Wednesday everyone.

xxxooo

No Comment

I refuse to answer under that grounds that my words might incriminate me..yup...I craacked  but but but..only once ;)

I was having a personal pity party (nothing bad exactly just craving and wanting things faster than they can be)

I only cracked for one-this morning I was all good but then I have a friend come over who cracked on a non-smoking thing.  and then pretty soon..I cracked too.  wow now I sound defensive.

The rest of the day was good.  decent lunch, OK breakfast..just a berry cooler thingy to drink.  The evening stretches ahead of me but I will be careful.

xxxooo

Oh the Wisdom in this Little Group-

The thing about bad relationships, is that the all have their great moments that make you believe it will all be ok (the skinny latte). Then the bad bits sneak up on you one at a time until one day hitting you with the mocha cookie frappaccinos without you even blinking twice. Sara at Skinny on the inside

This is exactly why I love blogging.  Every single comment brings support, gems of wisdom, friendship, a kick up the backside..you name it.  I cannot take any of this from my family or probably not even face to face but here..in this place where we follow each other it seems perfect and so obvious right?

Day 3 of the no peppermint-

This morning-venti 100 calorie berry cooler blended with ice., the oatmeal with nuts and no sweetener this time (it wasn't bad actually).  The shop was slammed back to back with BUYERS!!! :)  Yippeeee I love Thursday.  So..breakfast was actually the drink and lunch has become the tepid oatmeal and it is totally decent tasting.

The scale is an evil bastard but I will try and be patient.  It hasn't moved at all!!!  All this sacrifice even and it is just sitting there like a lump...pht...

The funniest part in all of this is:  I am hungrier but tighter at the same time.  Kind of weird hunh?

Hang on--Get a Mental Image

Start with picturing me in my work uniform (printy skirt, t shirt and cardigan that are getting TOO tight) dangling from a loose window screen in mid air...For some reason I have enough fingernail to hold myself onto the screen like a cat (I don't really) and my legs are flailing to keep my balance.

That is what today felt like in my battle against habits.

Day two of the Starbucks step back-What the bloody hell was I thinking when I hooked myself up to that place in the first place?

A few years ago I confessed my break up with McDonalds.  I used to love McDonalds.  the band..forced the break up.  Well my lovely addictive self plopped me into a new bad relationship with a new boyfriend and his name is buck.

I repeated the plan from yesterday.  one plain old tall latte (150 calories) in the morning and one container of oatmeal with just nuts.

in the afternoon I had a venti berri cooler.  Today I asked them to whir the drink up in a blender into a slushie-It was really good.

I had a smallish lunch (that included 7 tortilla chips) and a small dinner on the fly (had to teach a knitting class tonight).  At nine I wanted some Ben and Jerry's REALLY bad.  I had a home-made pumpkin muffin that Grace made while I was teaching tonight.

So..not a great day on the food front but a really good one in my break up with the peppermint frapp.

xxooo

Indulgences Gotta Go

I calculated the number of calories I ingested yesterday.  It wasn't pretty.  It is amazing how many calories you can get from a couple of frappachinos and ice cream.  Really you ask? has she really been doing that?  yes..yes I have.  It is definitely time to get a grip.  My will to work on this diet-y gig has slipped of late but I am more tired of most of my wardrobe sitting unused in my closet.  I want those 4 inches off my midriff and even those extra inches that weren't measured by the doctor.  I will eat food for calories not liquid.  I will drastically cut out the sugary snacks.

Today:  2% latte no sugar, 1 bowl of oatmeal with nuts and dried fruit.  No sugar.  Must..keep focussed :)

Some stuff I knew before but conveniently forgot duh...Venti peppermint mocha frapp no whip-400 calories.

Tall 2% latte-150 calories.
Venti berry hibiscus cooler-100 calories
Venti lime cooler-80 calories.

Goodbye frapp..I will miss you.
I have also taken on a kinship with Ben and Jerry's peanut butter cup ice cream-400 calories per half cup...Goodbye Ben...Goodbye Jerry..I just cannot be trusted with you.

xxxooo

The Fix Up Tina Show-

Today is my only day off from the store.  I have come to really appreciate this day off (I know..Tina opens a store and then goes all whiny about how she doesn't have any time off..um yep...hand raised..let the whining commence and I want that with cheese please).

Anyhow..my campaign to help with this supreme agony of working too hard for now is to make sure and do a bit of pampering and turning away from all things worky on Mondays.  Today Grace went off to a technology camp from 9am-noon and I had my hair cut by my lovely and oh so talented next door neighbor (in her shop downstairs much like mine).  I then walked over to my local nail lady and had my first facial.  I have always heard mixed reviews about facials.  Some people think they are great while others say they are a waste of money when you can spend a comparable amount and get a real massage.

Of course what does a blogger do while getting her first facial..well craft a review of that facial in my brain so as soon as I got the chance I would blog about it.  Here is the crazy crap that when through my head:

My nail lady is very nice and just what you would want a nail lady to be like. She is a touch wild (good conversation about men...sex...jealousy and business).  I think her business is hurting a bit as she has recently upped her extras for no cost (massage after each nail treatment, drinks offered etc).  She also installed a religious shrine right up front.  Today right after I came in and asked for my facial she ran quickly back to her back room and cleaned up the room (that I secretly think has become a store room instead of a treatment room because no one ever gets a facial or waxing treatments (more on that later).  She came out and said she was letting the steam machine warm up and would be just a few minutes and then promptly grabbed a pillow and had a quick prayer (not sure if she has had some religious awakening or if she was thanking the powers that be that finally a customer was willing to pay for a facial).  She finished her on the floor kneeling prayer and then went back to prepping the room for my facial.

When she was ready she took me back.  She had a steamer thing going and had me lay down on a massage table.  The table itself was quite comfortable but for some reason I expected more of a dental chair set up.  She aimed the steamer at my face and let me sit for about 15 minutes.  This wasn't really comfortable.  I am not sure exactly what the steamer is supposed to do but I had trouble breathing with all of the steam blowing in my face.  I spent the next 15 minutes shifting my mouth up and down sucking in non-misted air.

The salon woman came in and wiped off the steamy sweat with a tissue and then started slathering one potion after another.  She pulled out this massage thing that looked like an electric razor.  it had different tips and she swapped them out between layers and did a few rounds wiping off my face with a white towel.  One weird part was this 'massage' device thing.  As far as I could tell it didn't vibrate, it didn't put off heat or anything really except beep.  at one point I asked her if the beeping was because of a battery problem and her response was..that is showing it is working.  If the beeping is all it did it was quite effective at annoying the hell out of me.

After we were done she made me look at how my wrinkles had improved after the treatment...pht..I don't have that many wrinkles anyway.  I was really looking to reduce the black heads on my nose frankly and just plain old relax.  both of these were a facial fail.

Have any of you had a facial?  was it similar? did I just get a bad one?

xxxooo

Holy Mackerel I Found Some Mojo-

I had a tight yesterday and had an awesome eating day (I love a good tight day).  I served up this tight day with a 3.5 mile walk with David.  Wahoooooooo....The scale responded in kind showing me a long time low of 176.6 .  There is nothing like a little dip on scale to motivate a girl.

Happy Wednesday.

xxxooo

Hi-dy Ho neighbors-Four Year (I think) check in.

I had my four year research study check in yesterday.  As usual arranging the appointment, fasting until the time needed (this year it was an ungodly noon!) and getting to the appointment offices was a big old pain int he backside.  As always, however, once I get to the thing I am so grateful for the information I get by checking in each year to monitor my progress.  this years stats are not stellar but not bad either.

1.  I am up 10 pounds from last year (apparently I have not made it to one of these annual events at goal or during my brief trip below goal).  the good news is that I only gained 10 pounds for the research study instead of the almost 20 from my lowest low that I am carting around.

2.  This weight gain happened right where I suspected it did.  My waist and belly (ahhh us fat tummy girls..all gut and no butt).   I increased my waist by 4 inches but hey..my neck is still as slender as ever (pht..like I care).

2.  All of my weight gain came on as fat..of course I expected this since it is largely due to my drastically cutting down on exercise.  I know I need to do it..but so far I have had no gumption to really get out and take action.

3.  My blood pressure was improved even from last year!!!  small miracles eh?

4.  My recovery from the 1/4 mile walk they put us through was even faster than last year.  I made a better than pre/pulse recovery after two minutes.  I guess this means despite the fact I have turned back into lazy girl I am still heart fit.


Other news:

The shop is doing a brisk business.  Not paying rent worthy but definitely better than I expected a month into things.  I am hardly getting any knitting time in :).  This is a good thing.

My mother in law who was visiting for the last month went home today :(...we will miss her.

OH..for some reason after yesterdays 1/2 day fast I have tightened up like notbodys business.  So much so that I feel a weight-loss coming on.  Now if I can just bring myself to get off my arse at the same time I would be sitting pretty.

Deep thoughts:  the band is still the best decision I ever made.  this 10-20 pounds is doable and I just need to get my act in gear.  When it was 150 pounds to lose it was just too daunting to contemplate.

love you all..and miss this cool supportive place.  I will try and pop over on schedule again soon.