Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Balancing My Behavior vs Judging a Fill

This on again off again restriction and snacky behavior over the last couple of weeks have started me thinking and analyzing things (am I the only one who thinks things to death?). Today my conclusions are as follows:

My Behaviors: I have taken to snacking. A snack for breakfast, a snack for lunch and then a while later, and a while later...and so on until dinner when I eat a more mealish amount. This holds me for a while and then I am looking for another snack in the evening.

I have taken to eating foods that are easy to eat when I have 'cravings'. These foods allow me to eat more...and then slip down my slippery slope to weight gain instead of loss or even maintenance. Some items on this list are candy (4 bars of Cadbury's chocolate since Sunday); corn chips; cheese.

Judging a Fill:

I need to eat proper meals and then see if they hold me. In the past the urge to snack has been driven by the need for a fill. There were however one exception. At one point I used ice cream to fill my urge for quantity. At the time I had a perfectly acceptable fill level but was having difficulty letting go of the food. At one point I had to take a hard look at what had become an almost daily habit of stopping for one form of ice cream or another. I recognized that I was sabotaging myself and put a stop to it---dropped the treat to once a week only.

Other than the ice cream incident I have always been right about the need for a fill. As the band has gotten tighter and tighter my I begin to question my judgment more and more. The consequences of calling a fill when I don't need one before always felt minor-needing to go in for an unfill. At this stage in the game I am afraid that I will screw things up more permanently if I judge wrong. I do not want to end up with acid reflux issues or damage to my esophagus...especially since I would be perfectly happy if I didn't lose any more weight. On the other hand there is this little voice in my head that says I should go for the real goal...Normal BMI..and not short change myself.

I was hoping typing the thought rolling around in my head would help me make sense of them. I think they are going to continue to roll around for a while.


THE DASH! said...

Oooh, jeez. These are all questions I have been asking myself too. The urge to just push that last bit of weight away versus being happy where I am. It's a conundrum for sure. And no, you don't want to push that fill further if you're in a good spot right now. The reflux would be a nightmare.
Good for you for pulling back on the icecream (if that's what you had to do.) I haven't found myself in that spot yet, but it might happen. Esp if I had more fill. Hope your Thursday was a goodie. xxx

Gen said...

Same questions here! I am snacking more, and for me too it is a sign I need a fill. But I sort of like being able to eat a decent amount...on the other hand I like losing weight even more, and that is not happening now!

Feel free to keep analyzing, I like to hear your thoughts!

Jennifer said...

I have no advice for you, but I know what a dilemma it is. Keep sharing your thoughts, you will figure it out.
I constantly worry about being too tight or too lose. Will it ever end? It sounds like maybe...No.
The ice cream thing was interesting to me because I feel that I did the same thing.

Nola said...

I think things to death too! lol lol I think you should go for gold...keep plugging away and keep normal BMI in your sights....I will try too:)