Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Never At Goal-Always Learning

There is a lot of talk on the blogs this week about recommitting oneself to reach goal. Some have gone to what they feel is only partway to where they want to be and somehow feel stuck on the pathway. Others feel like they have somehow failed. Still others have gone to goal and bounced back up to a weight that is not acceptable.

I have frankly at one point or another been to each of these places. I also contend that they are all just places along our personal pathways to fitness. These places are not good or bad-just places. Places that we are working on and deciding whether we will stay at them or whether we will move on to another location. There are consequences and benefits to each of these places but not good or bad.

For example:

Destination 1-I lost weight to 260. At this weight the band slowed me down. I had pretty much given up bread but I could eat a cup or so of dinner, wait a while and eat some more. I circled around this place for a while. It was comfortable. I was four pounds lower than I had ever managed with diet alone. I felt some sense of control in that I couldn't really eat bread but I had a sense of freedom in the fact that I could eat slowly and then eat more.

At some point or another I figured out that I could stay at 260 or I could push things a bit more and lose more weight. A fill followed and some more changes in eating were required. The bread was still off the menu and I could still eat a meal but with this fill my meal size shrunk and stuck in my pouch for a longer period of time. There was no second round of a meal on this pathway. There were times it was difficult (of course I wanted more and sometimes I really missed the bread--and sometimes I ate it anyway and paid the price). The benefit was a new destination to a lower weight. The consequence was facing a bowl with food in it that I knew my stomach could not hold. Eventually this destination became more comfortable. My weight stagnated and it was time to think about new destinations, What changes would be required of me to get to them and how willing was I to cope with those changes.

This happened time and time again from destination to destination, fill to fill and change in eating to change in eating. All the way to what I thought was a destination. Goal...Sure I got to where I wanted to be. the magic weight of 164. For a while I pushed things to 162. I sacrificed more. I ate less and have fewer meals. The consequences at this place showed up too-In order to maintain my weight at 164 and keep my exercise level where it is (active lifestyle but not hardcore exercise regime) means that I couldn't eat much. Adding to this the fact that I like my sweets sometimes the nutrition level of the small amount of food that I ate was not of the healthiest composition. After all when you eat shortbread cookies for lunch one does not get in the appropriate amount of protein or vitamins and minerals in the long run.

So here I sit at what I thought would be goal..and it really isn't. I just found one more pathway to explore. I am not sure if this new pathway will lead me back to the same place (164 or 162) or somewhere else. What I do know is that there is no goal and even when I master what I think is this piece of the thing there will be something else to work on and I will make new goals to meet. I also know that I can choose to stay in this place and work on more vitamins and minerals (by picking the healthiest foods instead of crappy ones) or at a higher weight but in either case there are benefits and consequences no matter where I choose to stay. To some extent I choose this place because of complacency or fear or satisfaction and in some sense I still believe there is an inner part of me that fights to stay at some unknown weight that my body wants to stop at. How much I am willing to sacrifice and how much I am willing to fight that physical part of me will always remain unknown but an ongoing decision making process.


Ronnie said...

I know what you mean about being comfortable at a weight at one minute and loathing the number later on. It's really interesting how on the way down 199 is AMAZING, but if I were to gain my way back up there at this point, I'd be beating myself up to no end.

Scary thought.

Ronnie said...
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Tina said...

I guess it is all perspective Ronnie-but I agree with you. 260 was heavenly..and now I would be in the depths of depression to even contemplate it.

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

I always get so much from reading your blog. You've got such a good perspective on things.

Michelle H. said...

It is amazing how excited we are to get one goal weight, and then damn that weight when we hit the next.