Friday, March 6, 2009

Crappy Day and My Crutch is Gone

Today I probably had the worst day teaching since i left the K-12 classroom. In fact it might be worse because at least when I was teaching those hard headed students in middle school there were fairly good reasons why they were rude, would act out, would walk out of the classroom. These kids you see had been through three teachers in three months. Many were in and out of foster homes and jail and had spend a lifetime in the low class where they were treated like they were stupid and incapable.

In contrast today I taught a math methods class to 28 budding teacher educators. This group is in a special program where they take all of their coursework in one year. I try to be an understanding teacher but the behavior of a few of these students today was just as bad as their much younger counterparts. Only with far less reason to do so.

I have seen this happen before (although never been the brunt of it) Student teachers get through a portion of their classroom or on-site experience and in their path to autonomy seem to become derisive of all other instruction but their own. I cannot figure out if this is the result of fatigue, a requirement for independence or what? When I discussed this issue with my older daughter after I came home moaning about my horrible day she said --hunh sounds like what happens when we leave home (we have discussed how we fought more in their transition from living at home to being independent).

Regardless of the reasons why, some members of my class today really pissed me off and further deepened my growing feelings of depression. I don't know if this depression is the result of Winter, of my job, of the chaos that is this house, of my own feelings of crapiness or what. I do know that I came home from work in a severely depressed state.

In the past I have dealt with bad days and bad feelings by bellying up to a nice bowl of ice cream, a big old piece of chocolate cake or even a bit of chocolate candy. Well the band severely hampers this strategy. and I have to say it made me feel even more depressed :( What am I supposed to do to feel better? drugs? counseling? shopping therapy?..My friend switched to exercise. I cannot say I'm ready for that at this point but maybe it is the healthiest answer.

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