New Year..Again

The big picture:

Health:  Better than most of the rest of my life.  size 12, weight in the 170's, feeling mostly good.
Relationships:  Married to best friend, daughters are all doing well and are happy.  One in adolescent angst but coming through OK thus far.
Work: I have plenty of work available to me.  The store is above water, Teaching and tutoring gigs are great and going well.  I do not have the Tenure track job I dreamed of having but I am kind of sure I wouldn't be happy in that slot.  This hooking together of jobs that are almost completely in my control are more my style.  I still suffer from work obsession and need to learn how to relax better.
Leisure:  What is that?  I got a taste of it over Christmas.  I know I need to incorporate physical experiences back into my leisure life.
Money:  Oh hot diggity..we are crap at this.  This along with exercise are the areas of most need.  We do fine over all but planning ahead?  making long term goals and saving up for those goals????  no..not happening.  I know we could do so much more with what we have and we just don't.

The little picture:


Health: Life is good but my place in it has been a bit flat lately.  I think it is due to the fact that I am just bumping along with this whole diet and exercise gig.  I am sort of sick of the coffee and sugar habits I have hooked myself up to.  twice now, in the morning, after coffee and before any food I have had this nauseous feeling come over me along with a little dizzy spell and my left eye goes out of focus.  The feeling lasts for about 10 minutes or so.  I don't know if this is a blood pressure thing? a blood sugar thing? or something else.  I told my nursing school daughter about it yesterday and she flipped out on me.  Suggesting I should get into the doctor ASAP.  Sigh..I guess I will but I guess I feel like the lack of breakfast might have a little something to do with it.

Relationships: One can always improve on the time, the quality and the properties of interactions with loved ones.  I need to send more cards on time for distant family members, spend regular one on one time with my girls and just do fun things that cost nothing with them.

Work:  Stay organized.  Keep books up to date, shelves cleaned and stocked prices on items and in system accurately entered. I also need to get this dang store online.  David and I talked about two-three books we both have sitting in our heads that need writing.  I never start nor does he.  We really should carve out time and get going on these things (is this a long term goal? probably).

Leisure: When?  What day?  Starting Jan 7 I will be working 7 days a week with three jobs.  I do need to figure out how Grace is going to get home from school on Friday's.

Money:  One of my daily expenses is the flipping coffee habit it that unhealthy for me and I could solve tow problems with one change (hmmm  am I strong enough to attend to that elephant in this post?).   Planning? paying off cards and stuff...Fiscal mindedness needs to get our time.


Yesterday and today  Triumphs.

1.  Fast food?  I had a Wendy's hamburger a few weeks ago (well 1/2).  It was not worth it.  It was not good.  I feel like I have finally really put an end to any desire to eat, buy or have a relationship with fast food.  This is huge as I used to call McDonalds my boyfriend.

2.  Active?  Pre-band I was tired.  Moving was an effort.  At the end of the day I would fall down on the couch exhausted.  I still sit down at the end of the day tired but there is still plenty of energy left to get up and run downstairs for food, pop out to get the mail, have a quick clean in the bathroom etc.  I still enjoy sitting on my arse watching a bit of TV but now my butt isn't glued to the chair unable to move..it is there for a brief time of respite before it is off again to go and do something else.

Activity sometimes brought on fear..what if I was asked to do something I could not do.  Hike, climb stairs, walk all day in  the mall.  I am not not afraid of anything now.  I might have to train but if needed I can do what I want, where I want and if I want.

3.  Portion?  What I thought was a reasonable serving size has really changed.  This has also impacted my family.  We do not eat much.  It is OK.  I eat only a small amount at a time and that is OK.  Our biggest problem now is keeping our cooking sizes down so we don't end up throwing food away.  We use tiny ingredient bowls and lunch plates to eat off of (all of us).  It is OK and we are happy this way.  The only fly in our ointment is that others seem to be offended by our choices at times.  It is sometimes difficult to live with.  I have had people actually say in my hearing that we don't eat enough or that not having cereal in the house for breakfast or stocking bread was somehow unhealthy.

4.  Life ?  I am so much braver than I was before.  I now have the confidence to choose how I want to live my life..No more how I should live it, how I was able to live it.  I used to choose clothes based on what was OK..what was not hideous or what I could get on without looking too bad.  Other parts of my life were impacted with this attitude.  big girls cannot stand out too much right?  or be looked at too carefully.  Well now...

I have a style and I follow it.  I know what colors I like, what cuts of clothing and I choose them and not others.  Not because they don't fit or don't look good but because I don't like them and don't want them.  I can smile and nod to perfect strangers.  I can be friendly and smile at people and they respond in kind.  I think this is some to do with my advancing years but also because people treat you differently when you are of normal size than they do when you are not.  One friend calls this conspicuous invisibility..it is the reaction people give to others with a handicap.  I choose how I live my life now.  My size in this world does not.

5. Low Carb? David has been doing a whole lot of nutrition research.  Between his switch to low carb living and my band we have decided that carbs are a touch evil.  He is much more passionate about this than I am but on one thing we have come to agree.  pasta, bread, wheat products and sugar do not help any of us stay healthy.  He takes his low carb living a long way more than I do.  I still sit down to candy, cookies, etc. I battle the sugary coffee.  None of use need daily cereal, none of us need days filled with sandwiches, pasta dishes, or food that is mostly carb and embellished with protein, vegetables and fruit.  Grace, David and I at times crack, we have dessert, we eat a short bread cookie, we eat a good slice of bread at a restaurant but we do not need any of this stuff sitting around the house.  We do not need it on a daily basis and I definitely do not need to get a regular dose of sugar in my coffee.

So..next year.  There is always progress to be made.  more movement less carb.  I think January is the month to kick Starbucks to live with McDonalds...

xxxooo