crappity

1.  Grace had a little accident while horseback riding on Monday.  The horse started running.  Grace tends to hunker down when that happens.  That is not what one is supposed to do (and she freely admits that).  The horse took that as a message to go faster.  He took a corner and she came off.  The horse was between me and her body so I did not see exactly what happened but there was a horse turn, a kid sliding off the back and an almighty thunk.  The horse moved and my child was laying on the ground.  I at first thought she was passed out but the instructor got over to her quickly and she was awake but had the wind knocked out of her.  She moved (yup..pretty relieved from my position).  She got up and said that the noise was the horses stirrup (with her foot involved). I would like to totally believe her here but a tiny bit of my worries that she might be stretching the truth because she does not want to lose horseback riding.

She got back on the horse and rode for most of the rest of the lesson.  She walked to the car.  Came up stairs (would not eat dinner).  Tuesday-she stayed upstairs and crawled between our two rooms, a TV and the bathroom.  She said she was sore Tuesday night (neck and ankle). Her ankle and foot were very swollen.  I called an orthopedic doctor to make an appointment.  The swelling is down but her foot still doesn't look good.  She has an appointment for tomorrow.

She knows that if it is broken she is off horses for 6-8 weeks.  She knows that if it is sprained badly she might be off for longer.  She is not very happy.  Part of me is relieved with the idea because she is at a place in her riding that gets more and more risky (learning to jump in competitions).  The other part is sad because I know she loves to ride and is rather good at it most of the time.

2.  Scale?  I am hoping that it stays but I have not had a chance to get on it in a few days.  I am a hungrier girl again (hormones..i love them and hate them at the same time).  I have seriously got to get off my arse and figure out some exercise..any exercise. Right now I am getting a fair bit of exercise running up and down three flights of stairs to check on Grace and then run back down to the shop.

3.  I made and felted a crocheted snowman today.  His body parts are stuffed but still in body parts..kind of fitting I think for the last few crazy days..head and body are connected.  Arms and legs are not :) bahahaha.

xxxooo

Finally Another Drop

Wahoo..The major drop in food consumption has finally showed up on the scale.  I hit 177 today.  Man this old age or ruined metabolism or whatever the heck it is- bites.

Other than my two coffees (and even they are drastically reduced) I basically eat a small dinner and that is all.  If I get hungry in the evening I might add in a protein smoothy.

Normal:  1 tall peppermint mocha, 1 tall peppermint mocha frapp, 2 oz meat, 2-3 bites vegetables.  If I get hungry later in the evening (and this is not very often anymore since the last fill).  1/2 cup milk, 1/4 cup OJ, 1 scoop sugar free whey protein powder, and 3/4 c ice whirred up in the blender.

exercise-still not doing it.


xxxooo

Sometimes a Little Cold is Welcome.

This week has been the best of times and the worst..but all in all I will take it.

1.  Busy busy week at the store! up side-money and lots of yarn going out the door hooray-down side is I am soo tired.
2.  I caught the cold that is running around town. Lots of snot, off and on slight fever etc. -up side I am not hungry!!  The 3 pound loss is holding steady and I have to force down dinner.  I just don't want to eat.  Everything sounds blecky.
3. The fill is working great and many of those bad habits I had developed over the least year are fading again.  I am sticking to the no food after 6ish-7ish.  If I am hungry later I make a protein smoothy.  Down side...nope even with less food in a sitting I am not feeling a down side to this one.
4.  Menopause bites.  No period for 2-3 months (cause I cannot remember exactly) but this week..lets just say the one from hell with no warning. Eeek.  This, the cold and the busy work day adds up to Tired with a capital T.
5.  Dinnerland's post of frustration was a real eye opener to me.  I love it when someone vents and it is exactly what you need to hear at the time.  We all get frustrated at times and ready to throw in the towel.  Downside-I really had/have to do something about it.

What I love most about hanging with all of you bloggy peoples is that very often one does not realize the things one needs to do, pay attention, change or even think about until you see someone else talking about it, complaining about it or even succeeding from it.  I do not know if she realized it but she wrote down some of the same feelings I have had at times in this journey.  Sure there are the polly Anna people among us bloggers but I think each and every one of us have good hours, days, weeks and months and we have bad, frustrating or just downright hopeless times when we worry that this is it.  The difficult part but great part is that in watching/reading about someone else go through it is that suddenly you know what you need to do.  It is all easy to respond with sage advice and say this is what you need to do but when you realize that if you know what they need to do you had better apply it in your own back yard :)

Well Dinnerland...your post helped me finally see the 2x4 in my own eye (if you know that biblical verse about judging others).

This evening I am:  going to eat a nice but very small high protein (steak sounds nice) dinner.  I am going to Costco to pick up a cedar garland for my front porch (yes I will show you pics when it is decorated).  I am going to knit up a lovely sparkly cowl for my bunco group Christmas party next month.

xxxooo

There is a post over  at Dinnerland that got my response juices rolling.  Here is my long-winded response.  Stuff from Dinnerland's place is in italics.  My responses are in normal font.

1. Losing weight is hard.  but..easier with the band. Will everyone get to goal-the research at least in the study I remember:  10 years after surgery the average lapband patient has lost 50% of their weight.  That is some lose it all and regain, some never lose etc.  After a discussion with my surgeon who is a big wig researcher and research reader I found that the reviews of lapband surgery are mixed.  There are plenty who find success with it.  Those who do manage to somehow listen to their stop signs and manage to not overfill their pouches.  The surgeon also said that the sleeve seems to be better at triggering your brain to stop desiring food (triggers the satiation button that they think is located past the stomach).

2. What is success?  goal? what you weighed in high school?  what you wish you had weighed when you were 30?  My goal shifted. It was 200, then 180 then 170 and then when I made it to 164 and then 160 of course I shifted my brain and my clothing sizes.  I want that 160 damnit.  Can I have it as a 48 year old menopausal woman?  maybe not.  Of course more importantly am I willing to sacrifice what needs sacrificing to have it?

3.  What are you willing to change for the above?  You have to.  Some people record what they eat.  I do not. Some give up foods or food groups.  I have given up wheat most of the time.  I sometimes give up my precious coffee drinks (oh this one is so hard).  Some exercise more (what I totally need to see 160-164 again but not sure I am up for the challenge).  How little are you willing to eat?  I am down to a VERY small amount.  Much less than I ever thought I could bear.  I am totally OK with that these days but I know others who cannot.  I do know that I have to or I have to give up my low goal and go for a higher one (like 180)  Only each person can decide between the changes and the results.

In reponse to Dinnerland directly:

1) Seems like many successful bandsters measure portions-I do but not overtly.  I eat out of a coffee mug and fill it half full.  I eyeball my meat portions and stick to a size that is about half the size of my hand and then very carefully listen to the feelings in my chest and throat.  I can feel when I am getting to the point that is full for me these days.  It feels different than the old full  it is definitely a pressure in my chest not a painful one just a feeling.

2) Seems like many successful bandsters follow more rules than they break. What rules?  I really feel like I have one.  Do not drink when you eat.  Sure I do other things like usually eat my protein first but not always.  Don't drink my calories-nah.  If I feel like I need a drink I have one (unless food is involved).  Exercise-well not so much but I do try to walk further and take the long way around when faced with the option.

3) Seems like many successful bandsters listen to their bodies, but don't eat beyond measured portions most of the time (even if still hungry.)  Nope not me.  I listen to pouch.  My tummy dosn't tell me hungry or not these days.  If my pouch gets full I stop (or pay the consequences and this just does not happen often anymore).  If I am hungry and I still have food I can eat I go eat it until my pouch is full.  Of course I will try and pick something fairly good for me. If I feel like my pouch empties too fast or holds too much I try a fill.  The worst case scenario is I have to get some back out.  but without trying I will never know.

4) Seems like many successful bandsters weigh in regularly-- though perhaps not daily.  I weight most days.There was a time when I didn't weight myself.  When I went from 250 to 300. never again on that one.

5) Seems like most successful bandsters eat the sames things daily oftentimes.

Good lord all mighty no...This is actually what I used to do when I was at my old weight.  drive up window a few times a week.  eating out others.  Now food is an adventure to be had.  I have vowed to eat two bites of anything I have never tried before.  If anything is normal it is my morning lack of breakfast replaced with coffee.  and in a pinch I go for cheese. I never have the same thing two days in a row and frankly leftovers scare me a bit ;)  

6) Seems like there are more 'struggling' or 'getting there' bandsters than perfect success stories...Well..again does one expect this to be magic?  Nothing worth getting ever is.  The band makes it doable for some-many??  but by no means is it a free ride. It takes work, change, and figuring out the things that one can sustain for the long term not a week or a month or even a year.

From the comments:

Seems like many successful bandsters do not have other people to feed every day, like kids and a husband-I have a husband who has weight issues.  I have four daughters one of whom still lives at home.  We have all changed how we eat and for the better.  having kids around the house isn't easy but eating healthy is good for everyone.  No one should eat pizza and fast food or carb laden meals or processed meals all of the time.  I did this to set good examples for my family.  If I do not change and then change what they are served what is the point?

 

Seems like many successful bandsters did not spend 30 years dieting-I spent 44 years fat and probably 36 of them dieting.  I was that fat kid everyone made fun of in P.E.

.

Seems like many successful bandsters are like, 2% of total bandsters.-this one loops back to how do you define success.  My doctor said i was success at 200 pounds.  I say success or where I want to be is 164.  I am at 178...is that success?  the game isn't over because one day you stand on the scale and it says what you want.  The scale moves and changes. How much one eats and move changes from day to day.    Even the skinnies of the world have weights that vary they just don't stress over it so much.

 In other words, extremely unusual and "results not typical." 

Seems like there really are not that many successful bandsters, if success means 90% or more of excess weight lost. Go ahead. Count them. On one hand. 

Seems like there are many successful bandsters, if success means 60% of excess weight loss. 





-yup..one does have to look at this part :)

And...Forget about becoming someone completely different. Many "successful" bandsters already had the personality traits in place to make this work.  hmm  I don't think I did really.  So you are saying one can be born to be a successful bandster?  Sure I have seen that many online bansters are go-getters with jobs, families, travelers etc.  but...is that just why they are online and the quiet ones aren't that way?? or did we just have the guts to go take care of the problem with surgery?  I don't think anyone knows the answer to this one.  I do feel VERY different.  Sure my morals are the same.  I still love my husband and kids.  I do live in the world differently.  clothing and shoes and beauty is fun now-it was not before.  I am more adventurous now.  I stand up for myself now.  I flirt.  People look at me and I smile and greet them.  Those are all very different parts of me than before.

 They were born this way and lived this way. If you think you can change your entire personality at this point, forget it. 

I think you are great and beautiful the way you are. I think you are a successful woman, a good mother, and a good wife. I think you need to celebrate your successes. 

If you have been around the same weight for over a year, chances, are, this is it for you and the band.-I agree than you can look at what you have and how far you have come and celebrate it.  but..I disagree that just because it has been a year you need to give up.  What do you want?  what are you willing to do to get more weight off?  You will have to change something.  What is it?  If you are than go for it.  A fill might be involved.  an alternative method might be involved.  Write it down..try it out for a good long while and see.  Question whether you can do it long term or not?  if not..then are you OK with here.  If not than try something else that you think you can sustain.  That something else might be small like a food change and/or exercise.  It might be medium like a fill or it might be big like a change to an alternative weight-loss surgery.

 I

Slow but Moving

Apparently November is the yarn month of the year.  The shop has definitely been busy.  As usual much of my time has been spend over in that internet world instead of this one.  On the diet/weight front things are looking up (or down rather).

My clothes-fitting better.
My scale-batteries fixed weight down to 178.0 from on a bad day 182 so 4 pounds.  I am not going to complain.

My hair is shedding again.  I am assuming this just happens to be how I lose weight...My hair is really thick and made of lead.  No not really but apparently when I cut the calories back enough to actually lose weight my hair seems to exit with it.

I can eat plenty but I do not desire much of anything.  Really little bits of food here.  I don't really want lunch and sometimes skip it.  If I do eat it it is very small like a couple slices of cheese or yogurt.

I usually eat dinner (and a reasonable amount for a bandy like myself).  On days when I work and do not get a chance to get up stairs for dinner I do not crave a big old ice cream face plant.  I do want food sometimes but if I eat that food I risk acid reflux from hell so I just make a smoothy and call it good.

My lesson from this:  if you are going to do something about your weight do it well before menopause because it SCREWS with your metabolism BIG TIME.

Now to be honest I have not done a whole lot about exercise.  David and I are doing some plotting because we know it needs to be fixed.  Grace also has asked that we work out some plan as her horse back riding teacher said that if she picked up another fitness activity it would help with her posture and stuff on the horse.  Anyone who says anything will help Grace with her horseback riding (seriously if they said jump off a bridge because it would help)  She would do it.  Our tentative plan is to move our treadmill (collecting dust in the storage garage) and stationary bike (bike is in the front gear to make it stationary is probably also in storage).  Now the plan was made last week and nothing is yet put into the back room/garage.

Other stuff:  I got offers to teach a couple of classes in Jan. at my old Community college job.  I took it (This girl cannot pass up steady income).  I have had three new students sign up for math tutoring up until January.  I am still working the store all of the time but will probably hire someone to pick up a day or at least a few hours each week.

so...slow but moving is good enough.

The Fill Works-The Scale not so much

I have now had this fill for a week. It is definitely working.  My hunger is gone.  I am back to my old days of a really small meals and it leaves my stomach very slowly (at times almost too slowly really).  A couple of days I even went all day without a meal (just wasn't hungry).

Now to the $@%$#@# scale.  Thankfully today the darn thing had dead batteries because I am about ready to chuck the thing out.  I have not lost a single pound.  Not even a partial pound.  I used to have such a healthy relationship with my scale (ok sort of healthy anyway).  Now the thing has become the bane of my existence.

The up side:  Small meals, no hunger, No evening munchy breakdowns where I dive into ice cream or some other equally hideously bad for me foods.  In fact any eating after 6pm or so causes me to have some pretty horrible night-time acid reflux.  When I do not attend to this I pay the price.

I made the mistake twice-I will not do so again.

I am by no means giving up but...disappointed at this point.

xxxooo

A Visit to the Surgeon

I finally called, made the appointment and went in to have a little chat and possible fill with my surgeon.  I am going to bullet this because it is a bunch of random stuff.

• His nurse practitioner is out on maternity leave.  He only has office hours on Tuesday! WTF?  The rest of the week he is doing surgery.  My question is...how the heck can proper follow up happen with that sparse of a followup schedule?  Of course he had no one in the office when I went in so perhaps he is not doing much of anything or doing a lot of researchy kinds of stuff???
• we talked about my weight gain.  He discussed the fact that over time I might get smarter at eating around the band (duh I know).  He said that he didn't want me to develop an pouch in my esoph.  I asked him how I would know..he said that the biggest sign would be reflux that was not acidic.  Well thus far any reflux I experience is definitely acidy..so..I guess I am good there.  
• He gave me a 0.2cc fill.  I had all of my 7cc's in the band still so no leak.   It really had little effect when I drank my post fill water but I can feel a little difference this week.  
• Down 2 pounds so far.
• We talked about the sleeve.  He says research is finding that that band seems to work best for patients who learn to listen to another kind of satisfied (not the brain kind but the feel of their food in the pouch).  He said that the sleeve seems to work much like bypass surgery in that the food empties from the sleeve-like stomach faster than it would have with a big one.  The food then more quickly triggers nerve endings that send a message to the brain for satiety.  From what I gathered this means that thus far the sleeve shows promising results much like that of a bypass but without the nutritional issues.
• He definitely said that I am a successful band patient and that whether I carry these extra 20 pound or not I should work hard to keep my band and work hard at avoiding 'packing' food in.
• He said that if I feel the need for another fill he will first schedule an upper GI to make sure I do not have problems before doing another fill.
• The difference:  I have dropped back to tall coffees and also drinking tea at home.  No ice-cream cravings so far.  My meal sizes are similar but I stay satisfied much longer.
• Still a struggle:  Eating in the evening.  On evenings where I don't take the time for dinner (night classes or group nights)  I pay because I come upstairs at 9pm or later and forage for food.  It has not been ice cream but even a cracker or two, cheese etc.  sits in my stoma for a while and then I have to wait quite late before going to bed or pay with reflux.  

xxxooo