REBOOT 2014

Last night was not pretty.  I developed some sort of freakish pain in my side and shoulder.  I have had this before but never has it lasted so long or hurt so much.  I called first thing this morning to see if I could move my appointment with my nurse practitioner. up.  Thankfully she did.  I did not eat or drink anything as I was pretty afraid to.  Of course one has visions of slipped bands, an exploding esophagus etc.

The office called back at 10am and said come in right away.  I jumped in my car and drove straight down there (with knitting in bag).  I sat in the waiting room until 1pm.  Maggie (I have seen her before but she is my new band person) decided-after a cried a little and explained what happened that it was a good idea to empty the band----COMPLETELY.  I cannot say that I have not thought about this, or even desired it as I was writhing and walking the floor in agony last night.  When she said it though and those nebulous thoughts became a reality is scared the bejeeebies out of me.

She did it-took out all 7. something cc's of fluid and of course i started crying again.  Visions of the 300 pound me that used to be came flooding into my head.  what if…She calmly handed me tissues and went through the following list:

• I needed to go up for a barium upper GI to have a look at the gear
• This might not even be band related but until we pull out the fluid we won't know
• All my gyno issues need to be in hand and having some space to eat better sources of iron would be a good idea.
• If the barium upper GI shows nothing we will do a scope at the same time we do a colonoscopy (saving me a round of anesthesia.

All of these were of course correct but it doesn't make it any less scary.  I went downstairs for the upper GI.  They got me right in and I even SAW the doctor while the procedure was being done.  The results were explained AT THE SAME TIME I had the procedure.  She did say that Maggie needed to make final assessments but she saw nothing bad on any of the scans.  At one point the doctor even handed me a horse-pill sized chunk of barium.  This scared the shite out of me but..I took it, swallowed with a swig of water and viola not only did the pill go right down but it beat the camera!!!  

So it is official.  I have a wide open slippery stomach opening again.  I drank water.  A full 8 ounces of it.  It went down but didn't feel that easy at first.  I then stopped off at the downstairs cafeteria (it was 3pm by this time) and had a look.  Sandwich? Yogurt?  a baked good i figured was a known entity.  I got a scone and a cookie (rationalizing to myself that I would share what was left with Grace when I got home)…Um no..I drove…I ate both baked goods on the drive home.  NO problema.

This scares me even more to a certain extent.  There are some REALLY bad habits I have adopted because i could not eat much.  The biggest of these is the sugary coffee and lots of slidy desserty items.  These MUST StOP….What I can now have is salad, veges, fruit.  I am going to have to take full advantage of these and reintroduce them after I cut out the bad for me stuff.

Now..back tot he pain thing.  It isn't gone.  my side still hurts off and on and I keep having shoulder pains.  The difference now is they seem to dissipate a whole lot faster and often with a quick little burp or change in body position.

So..with my new open band I decided dinner should be a celebration of sorts and boy did I live it up:

Pot roast, a bit of bread, asparagus and potatoes.  I had at least half of what was on my plate.  then home I had a small half cup serving of vanilla ice cream with blackberries.  I am now enjoying a small version of hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps.  I am working really hard to shrink the sweet stuff or eliminate some of it as the healthier stuff expands.  

I am also going back to a daily weight in..it might kill me to watch but I am going to try and keep the same weight as much as possible.

As far the the gyno issues go I had a bit of a break through there too.  Yesterday I was feeling really down and the tummy pain issues were not helping.  I decided to just let the whole bleeding problem go and forget dealing with the gynecologist issue entirely.  One of those ostrich in the sand decisions.  Well I felt pretty good after the whole band issue decision when the gyno called (finally).  I did not lose it and start bawling as I feared.

I firmly told her about my displeasure and indecision as to how to proceed.  She is willing to give me a hysterectomy but she is also now well aware of the cock up her office and even she herself made of the whole biopsy thing.  She frankly has done so many damned biopsy's that it did not even occur to her that I was worried about results BECAUSE no one would leave a message and then when I spoke to receptionists who could not even find my results at all that I had just had a week of unnecessary worry..she seemed clueless.

I left the conversation with..instruct your receptionist who was unwilling to make the appointment I requested at the beginning of the week to allow me to make one (if I decide to) tomorrow.  However..I might just look for another gynocologist.  She ended the conversation by offering to help me find someone.

So..on the band front I am starting back at the beginning- 2008 (eek) and with the Gyno..I found a back bone instead of a shepy crying angry phone call.  Not bad for a days work.