As you all know I have been down in the dumps..Ok really down. Medically down :). The meds are really kicking in now and I am feeling more like myself but I have been thinking and reading stuff that prompted this post.
First of all yesterday it was Chronicles from Band-Land's post. She wrote about how the lapband and losing weight has made her happy and does feel like a magic wand. I agree with this post to a point. I know that being a normal weight does make me happier with my weight. The world reacts to me in a much better way but has it solved all of my life's problem...no. I still have annoyances, bouts of depression and regular old stress that I had before. On top of this I no longer have the coping mechanism that I used to have to deal with it (feeding frenzies!). So I honestly feel that I, in the past, used food as a drug. Now that I cannot my recent stresssors sent me into a tail-spin. I am slowly trying to figure out how to do other stuff and address the issues head on (no counselor as yet but I will work on that one).
As far as the magic wand thing goes...I kind of agree. I failed miserably without the band and man oh man that circular wand around my stomach sure is magic. It managed to bring me back to goal despite my desires and urges to drown my sorrows in food. I think I could undo things a bit and of course I could create such issues that i would require an unfill but so far...fingers crossed. I have behaved despite my mental desires and listened to my band when she says..woah there.
Then today...Read has posted this . She is asking for advice. I am not sure I can really give it but what I can say is that at goal- away from goal- on our way to goal we all fuck up. It is a matter of degree and, I think, working out what triggers the things. Is it some life long brain groove of behavior? is in a food as drug effect? is it hormones? Even after you figure out what the trigger is you might not be able to stop it but at least you can work towards improvement. I think that our biggest challenge with the lapband and with weightloss in general is getting over the feeling that we have to be perfect at it..or even perfect for a time. It is all a learning process that we hopefully improve at but never perfect.
This is all where I am at today anyway :)
xxxooo
Living with a lapband after seeing goal is just as much work as getting there. This blog chronicles my journey to qualify for band surgery, my work to goal weight and now living with the band long term. Weight will always be an issue but there is a whole lot of living to be done.
3 comments:
I think you're right. I think that the average obese person has spent a significant portion of their lives feeling ashamed and guilty and non-perfect about their weight that it's easy to convince themselves that to be less than perfect with the band is to be a failure. Complete black and white thinking, brought on by the fact that we have lots of real life experience with non-perfection and failure.
It takes a lot of mental work to get ourselves cooperating with the band most of the time, and cutting ourselves a freaking break the rest of the time.
Interesting. I want to say I'm glad your meds are helping...I hate that feeling of desperation before they kick in.
I'm now just catching up on blogs and I wanted to respond. I don't think that the band is a total magic wand, but I do credit it with giving me a new life which I embrace every day. I feel so much better and my self esteem is much higher. That being said, I still have my issues and the band can't cure the hyperfixation my mind does on a daily basis. I still fixateon my 'flaws' and although I know I look better, there are many times where I still feel like the old me. I'm hoping that one day, I can and will get past this...It is definitely a journey!
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