Chaos

My hell week has launched.

I really enjoy teaching and we had a great time today in class but the week could not have been at a worse time.

We found a condo we love on Sunday and made an offer. David worked on the paperwork and bank stuff today.

We found out that David's passport is at least 4 weeks out despite our tickets that say departing on Saturday. We have to sit and wait until someone (from a black hole that we cannot call) will call us and let us know how we can go about getting an emergency passport. FYI-apparently paying more for an expedited passport has no impact on the speed your passport is processed. It is really just a UK government scam.

Worrying about all of this last night meant I didn't sleep very well and when I don't sleep and then spend the day on my feet I swell up. I bloated up so much today that I had to change into a pair of yoga pants when I got home because my skirt was digging into my waist (and this was a size 10 skirt not even an 8). I might have to crack out the water pills again.

xxxooo

B12 webpage and top 50 blogs?

I just went to look at the top 50 weightloss blogs some of you you have been mentioned on.

I was hoping that the webpage would be a good one but did note that someone mentioned that the webpage looked somewhat anti-weightloss surgery while still listing these blogs. I was not impressed.

1. The title does not match anything in the article. All of the listed side-effects (except maybe the respiratory and post surgical infection ones) had nothing to do with lapbad surgical complications.

2. I am also suspicious of the webpage itself-it appears to be a b-12 webpage. Isn't B-12 a supplement needed by gastric bypass patients and not usually lapbanders.

3. I am a little concerned that liberal use of blog headers were sprinkled all over the page. Did they ask you bloggers to be allowed to do that? As the reference to your blog is there I supposed it is Ok but I think I would be asked to be taken off it (thankfully I am not on it) as it doesn't seem to be a very good place.

4. I will, however go look at everyone's blog as I might find some fun new ones :)

xxxooo

Sometimes Liquid Lunch is Bliss

I am as I type sitting in a bar while My daughter and two of her friends play golf outside the window I can look through. Yes girls it is SUMMER!!! and Grace is at golf camp. She LOVES golf camp and I am sooo happy about this as I have finally had a daughter who likes to golf. This means that I might actually have someone to play with! I have not played golf in more than 10 years. David hates it, my friends don't like it and my dad lives far away. I am too crap at it to go hang out at the club and find golfy girls to play with but I am about good enough to play against my 9 year old :)

Ok back to the bliss and liquid lunch part. at this bar (which is not that exciting to look at) I have nursed one vodka and orange juice and am nursing my second while I surf the blogs and eventually get some work done (note eventually). Life is GREAT and here is why:

1. the drugs are working can you tell?
2. I am not hungry at all
3. I have a nice mellow vodka buzz
4. It is a slight overcast but no rain in sight and sun promising to peek out
5. I am alone sitting at a table with free internet and in a room with only adults.
6. did I say vodka?
7. This morning the scale read 162.0 an all time low (tomorrow I am expecting 161 unless the vodka intervenes).


I just tried to take a picture for you but alas a little mar to my day..my phone battery is low...Happy Wednesday.


xxxooo

Where has the time gone?

Man this spring has gone quickly and Summer is upon us. I am quickly getting ready to teach a workshop next week and then on Saturday we fly out (either Grace and I if David's passport is still absent or all three of us). I really do not feel much like seeing Iceland alone with Grace. anyhow...the rest is going to be listed as its sleeping time and I have a bunch of unrelated stuff to say:

1. My followers number has been rising of late and welcome to you all!! I promise to get around to searching out your blogs while on vacation in July. Some of you do not have a blog or I cannot find it. If any of you want me to come over and say hello just drop a link into my comments section and I will be able to find you much more easily. I even promise to leave a comment for ya.

2. David's vacation starts next week while I teach my workshop. That means he will be in charge of packing...Im breaking out in a sweat as I type.

3. Oh..did you catch that little hint up there? David's passport is still missing. In the time it went off in Feb. it expired, it was rejected (partially his mistake and partially theirs). He reapplied with an expedited fee. Still no passport. Part of his job next week will be to go downtown and see if there is an embassy rep. he can talk to about finding the damn thing. Right now if the passport has still not arrived Grace and I are going alone and David will follow when it does. We cannot afford to pay three changed flight fees but could swing one.

4. I had a freakish vomiting episode today. These meds have given me some issues with dizziness. This dizzyness happens when I get up rather quickly or move after standing or have food issues. So anyway...I was standing at a workshop and had chased a large frappacino with half a bagel (chewed quite well and has not been a problem in ages). About an hour later still standing at the back of the room and leaning against one of the table I had a surge of stomach pain (not normal stuck or pb messaging). I have had this pain before. A long time ago when I was doing my exams for my Ph.D. and had major stress issues I suffered from it fairly often. I went into my semi-biofeedback mode that I sorted out during this period (after drugs and all kinds of other doctory stuff didn't work) but it didn't help this time. Finally the message made its way through my foggy brain that I had better go looking for a toilet because stuff was going to make a reappearance. I walked out of the room and down the hall but in my increased anxiety I could only find the men's room. This huge wave of dizziness came over me and it was either slide down the wall and have a sit or fall so I sat on the floor for a few minutes (if any of the students looked out the door they saw me...feeling like a major idiot). After the dizziness passed I turned around and looked at the door behind me...you guessed it...the girl's bathroom. I got up went in and tossed up a bit of coffee and a bit of bagel (quite forcefully) and felt perfectly fine after (toooo weird).

5. I skipped solids for the rest of the afternoon and tried to drink a bit here and there. It all seems OK but my stomach is definitely a bit tender after the episode. David took us out to his favorite Japanese place for dinner I tasted a bit here and there but took it easy on my poor stomach.

6. I think we may have found a house we like. We really like living in this neighborhood. It is walking distance to shops and coffee and parks and we have gotten quite comfortable with it all. At this point living small is the direction we might take. It is also quite close to light rail for me to go to work on and close to David's work.

7. UK people. I can totally get to the mall in Bristol(we go to John Lewis each time I come over and would have gone whether we had a meet up or not). if the rest want to arrange a meet up in London or someplace let me know. I don't drive when I am there but get driven :) and we will rent a car for sure (without my sitting behind the funky wrong side of the car wheel) :) I tried once...scared the beejeebies out of me.

8. Note the ticker..I am losing weight like crazy. I like it but it is kind of weird given the weight gain and open-feeling I had over the last few months. I haven't canceled my appointment yet with the surgeon's office but I guess tomorrow I will do so. I guess I should see my regular gal instead and ask her about the dizziness?

I guess that is enough for now...Happy first day of SUMMER!!! Long may it last.

xxxooo

Calling on UK Bandsters

We will arrive in London on July 6 and stay over for a few days. Does anyone want to meet up for coffee, lunch or dinner? Email me and I will be there.

I will also spend a few weeks in south Wales (Newport area) and a couple of days in Chelmsford.

I can't wait to meet some of you!

xxxooo

Ouch!!

Today at work I was typing away with my leg crossed and hooked around the back (because it still gives me a thrill to be able to do that). I probably sat there for more than an hour in this position when nature called. I got up to go the the bathroom. I quickly unhooked my leg (it felt a little numb). I got up out of the office chair and my foot refused to hold me up. I went crashing to the floor in a skirt!!

My colleague said she got quite the view of my white cotton undies as I sprawled on the floor. I have never had this happen before and although it hurt a bit going down to the ground I know that it would have hurt a hell of a lot more had I still weighed 304. Once on the ground the pain in my ankle set in and I felt a little nauseous. I laid down to get my head below my heart (that is what your supposed to do right?). Ultimately I had to pee (what got me out of the chair in the first place) and hobbled to the bathroom. I was OK until I sat for another few hours at my desk and then walked across campus to my car and then drove home :)...turning purple. Cinda (my daughter in nursing school) made me lay down with it propped up and put ice on it. It did help the swelling go down a bit and feel better.

This evening I showered and went out with a friend to happy hour to sit and talk and celebrate the last day of school for the kids. while my foot dangled under the table it swelled up into huge proportions and hurts like a M#$%$ Now. I might actually have to go get an xray tomorrow.

ON a happy note...the conversation was good. They had peppermint schnapps and orange juice and the cheesy spinach dip was divine (not in that order).

xxxooo

Weekend In Review

The new clothing size victory could not have come at a better time as I had a houseful of people to celebrate my oldest daughters graduation. She completed her Master's Degree in Mathematics (yup I am proud).

In attendance were my parents, daughters, ex-husband and his sisters. What in the past would have been a pretty stressful event was relatively calm. David went above and beyond the call of duty and stayed home to do all of the cooking and arranging for the after graduation party. He barbecued salmon and hotdogs. He fried a chicken, cooked rosemary potatoes, made two cakes, a batch of home-made ice cream and bread. I only prepped the potatoes in foil and threw together a caprese pasta salad before I left for the graduation ceremony.

The only down-side to the day was the stupid rain! We were stuck indoors in our much smaller house. We did manage to seat everyone but it required all of our dining room chairs into the living room as well as our lawn chairs.

Nichole's picture was snapped by the official photographers (she is in the center of the picture with dark curly hair.

xxxooo

http://www.flickr.com/photos/portland_state_university/5826785964/sizes/o/in/photostream/

Size 8!

I am back down at goal and have been just hovering at cracking back down to 163. I noticed that the jeans I have been wearing for the past few months have developed a small hole right in the middle of my backside. At REI I flicked through the sales rack and found a pair of zipper pants (long pants that can be be turned into shorts with the pull of a zipper around the legs. I took them out of the size large section and took them to the dressing room (I always wear at least one size bigger at REI). I tried them on they fit slightly snuggly but were short. Grace looked at the tag and said well mom they are size 8 petites..no wonder they are too short! I actually put on a size 8 petite and zipped it. So I went out and rifled through the rack and found a size 8 regular pair of pants and a cool skirt from the same company. Hell yes I bought them!!

Still on my size 8 high I went over to Macy's and tried on replacement jeans (the 10's were too big and I got another 8). plus several blouses in size 10 (I have worn 12 on top). and lovely pair of baggy linen pajama pants that I have always coveted and now own!

Oh...like is juts dandy :) and I am ready to pack my bags for Europe in a few short weeks.

xxxooo

My First Support Group Meeting

The hospital where I had my surgery done had a support group meeting today and for the first time ever I had/made the time to attend. As was an issue for me when I got my lapband surgery most of the attendees were rny patients. There was only one other lapband person. The topic today was how to avoid regain after bariatric surgery. The group leader was a dietitian but the session was pretty good.

Amazingly good despite sticking up my nose in the past about mingling with the rny patients (not because I am stuck up about it but the office seemed to think we needed exactly the same after care). Anyway I was by far the longest post surgery (followed by another guy who had had rny). I actually had quite a bit in common with the second longest since surgery guy. He had regained 20 pounds and felt that he needed strategies while travelling. I could relate quite a bit to some of the problems he had. He mentioned that he had trouble with the fact that he for so long could not eat so many things and then all of a sudden could eat anything and the boundaries were difficult to maintain. He also had trouble shifting from being unemployed to employed and traveling quite a bit.

Another interesting tidbit is that I had lost the most weight and was the only one at the normal bmi range goal. Some were quite early after surgery but most were already regaining some of their weight after hitting a plateau. This was especially interesting that the other lapband person was regaining and did not seem to understand that she could go get a fill. The dietitian said after I introduced myself and provided my stats- "wow that is a lot of weight for a lapband patient"...definitely some reduced expectations in that office for us lapbanders.

One of the activities the dietitian had us do was to brainstorm and write down some of the behaviors that helped us in our weightloss and then some of the behaviors that hindered it. Finally she had us pick three things that help to support our weightloss effort (the three legged stool thing). As a group it seemed that most of us agreed on exercise, eating mindfully and finding support.

The group was mostly good-with the odd strange person (it is funny isn't it how there are just some very strange people in the world).

I did leave valuing this blog community even more than I already do because we have the best support group right here online!!. I also left after thinking about what I need to do to keep this weight off and keep the bouncing range below goal instead of right at the top end of my tolerance levels. Speaking of which..those magical mood enhancing drugs are also having a magical effect on my restriction. The acid reflux has disappeared. My energy has returned and best of all I am not hungry. wahooo :). Long may it last.

xxxooo

Being Skinny Solves All?

As you all know I have been down in the dumps..Ok really down. Medically down :). The meds are really kicking in now and I am feeling more like myself but I have been thinking and reading stuff that prompted this post.

First of all yesterday it was Chronicles from Band-Land's post. She wrote about how the lapband and losing weight has made her happy and does feel like a magic wand. I agree with this post to a point. I know that being a normal weight does make me happier with my weight. The world reacts to me in a much better way but has it solved all of my life's problem...no. I still have annoyances, bouts of depression and regular old stress that I had before. On top of this I no longer have the coping mechanism that I used to have to deal with it (feeding frenzies!). So I honestly feel that I, in the past, used food as a drug. Now that I cannot my recent stresssors sent me into a tail-spin. I am slowly trying to figure out how to do other stuff and address the issues head on (no counselor as yet but I will work on that one).

As far as the magic wand thing goes...I kind of agree. I failed miserably without the band and man oh man that circular wand around my stomach sure is magic. It managed to bring me back to goal despite my desires and urges to drown my sorrows in food. I think I could undo things a bit and of course I could create such issues that i would require an unfill but so far...fingers crossed. I have behaved despite my mental desires and listened to my band when she says..woah there.


Then today...Read has posted this . She is asking for advice. I am not sure I can really give it but what I can say is that at goal- away from goal- on our way to goal we all fuck up. It is a matter of degree and, I think, working out what triggers the things. Is it some life long brain groove of behavior? is in a food as drug effect? is it hormones? Even after you figure out what the trigger is you might not be able to stop it but at least you can work towards improvement. I think that our biggest challenge with the lapband and with weightloss in general is getting over the feeling that we have to be perfect at it..or even perfect for a time. It is all a learning process that we hopefully improve at but never perfect.

This is all where I am at today anyway :)

xxxooo

BYOC

It’s FRIDAY – which means it’s BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy…around these parts. We answer a couple of questions to get to know each other better and to give our blog brains a break. Copy and paste to your own blog if you so desire…and ENJOY!!


1. If you could pick any name on Earth for yourself – would you change yours and what would it be?

I was supposed to be called Jesse but my parents changed it to Tina. I kind of like my name now and all of the Latin-ness in it. I have always wondered what life would have been like as Jesse. I love my middle name. Louise. My great, great aunt had it for a middle name as did my grandmother, mother, me and my oldest daughter. I like the roots and tradition.


2. If you’re a worker-outer…what time do you partake in such activities? There are SO many theories about when it’s best and not best to work out….like the morning is better since you have an empty stomach or the night is not good because you won’t be able to sleep…etc, etc. – so I’d like to hear your theories.

Whenever I can shift my arse. Most often it is after dinner. We have been taking a walk to get the mail and then do a loop around the neighborhood.

I have gotten back on my bike a time or two but that is usually right away in the morning.


3. If you drive a car – what kind is it and if you could drive any car – what would it be?

i drive a Mazda 5 (mom-like van thing). I like it but got to drive a small zippy car in California and quite enjoyed it as well. I guess if I could choose any car it would be a volkswagon bug or some other small Mazda brand car.



4. Can you be totally honest in answering this next question and tell me what you think of tattoos? More importantly – what do you think of the people who have tattoos – specifically women?

I have a tattoo on my foot and love it. Each of my adult daughters also has a tattoo on their foot. I think Tattoos are cool and quite like them. I prefer understated more than full on tat sleeves or anything too huge but hey..whatever floats ones boat. Our bodies are a sort of canvas and each person has the right to do what they want with it.


5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

I have been crap this week in blogland (you all seem to be doing well but I am a bit crap). I am still not feeling fully up to par and want to sleep a lot. I have barely checked blogs, not commented, not written on mine since Saturday and been stressed out at work. I will probably up my med dose again. I am percolating on a post about things but not ready to write it yet.

Today there was a turn int he weather and the sun came out. I hope a few days of sitting in it will turn things around here. I am trying to read and did a scan of blogs tonight. No comments but I read.