The dog was missing

On Wednesday I went in for my second Psych evaluation meeting. I found out that my doctor is a psychologist (as per her business card). I was instructed to take an evaluative test for weighloss surgery patients. It was a really bad test as far as I could see. One of those true/false things created by the evil test companies who also own the text book companies written with the express purpose to make as much money as possible-arghghgh. I did it though-went through each of the 100 or so statements dutifully with the number 2 pencil marking false false false false false-i think there were maybe 5 statements that I could even remotely mark as true. It was really a test to see if I was certifiably crazy, had huge eating disorders etc. Not subtle at all. I took it in about 10 minutes while the psych left the room (she said she would be gone for 20 min to make phone calls but really she ran down to the local coffee shop for a quick cup of jo-came back with it in her hand). I spent the rest of 20 minutes reading my book (Karen Armstrong..hmm up the spiral staircase i think??) It was really a good read! Anyway back to the topic.

the psych asked me if i wanted to say anything more-I didn't. She tried to call the drs. office to find out exactly what they wanted her to do. She got a receptionist on the phone and asked the following questions: We are done what do you want me to do with this information and what format would you like it to have? The receptionist could not comprehend the questions. When the psych asked to speak to her superior the receptionist freaked out, put us on hold for a very long time and the psych finally hung up the phone. It was both surreal and typical of my experience with the practice of medicine in the big city. Once a medical practice gets too popular the attitude shifts from one of welcome and patient centeredness to one of filtering. The staff around the doctor or doctors become more and more a shield and the patient gets little information until they are allowed through the shield to the inner sanctum. I feel that I am basically a well educated, proactive person but there are times when i am ready to say screw it I dont have time for all of this testing, reintroductions phone calls, demanding answers crap. The problem with this attitude is that I really want to get the band! and hope with all of my fibre that it works and that I can work it. sigh....

Well after my psych gave up I called them back and played a little phone tag until I got hold of the person in charge of scheduling (I think this is her job anyway). She curtly answered my questions (I just asked the same ones as the pscyh-what does she need to send to you). This person said a letter stating your suitability for the surgery. I answered that is all? she does not need to include some sort of psychological work up? Then the person said oh yes that too. I said and what form is this supposed to take? Do you have a desired format? She said no just a letter. arghghghhggh So I called my psych back leaving her a message that said. They want a letter stating my suitability for the surgery and to then write a report that looks like a pcyhological evaluation. I told her in the message that I did not get a clear answer as to format but that the best strategy in my mind was to wing it!!!

arghhhhhh So after all of this testing crap I find they dont really know what they are looking for?

So now I wait. Im not sure what I'm supposed to do. Will they call me? should I call them? the clock ticks. I would really really like ot have the surgery before Christmas but Im not holding my breath.

Am I psycho?

so yesterday I did part one of two visits to to a psychologist or psychiatrist (not sure which she is-she is a Ph.D. on her card). It was ok. Now im not a hater :) as my 18 year old daughter would say but can someone please explain to me what the implications are for a psych professional who spends all day with her dog in the office? Im sure old Sigmund would have a field day :). Is it a deep sense of lonliness and inability to spend time all alone? does the dog not deal well alone? I have to say it is a tad annoying as I am not a dog person myself. I dont have a personal hatred of the canine species but i would prefer that my hand remain unlicked and bits unsniffed when I am in a place of business.

so back to business-she asked me to tell her my 'fat' story. She didnt say those words I put her longer more sensitive question into the nutshell. So I went through the whole i was always big. Mom sewed my clothes because there weren't any that fit right or Husky sizes were too expensive. Of course I wasnt all that big looking at the pictures today but like most people my personal fat feeling was well in place quite early on. Soooo the medium chubby slightly overweight child hit adolescence and remained chubby until adulthood when I met a man and blossomed into a bit chubbier adult. Finally drum roll-the children and nursing F***** up my weight in a big way (or weigh) as the case may be. I went through my dieting history-the unhealthy high school starvation diet. Weightwatchers times 3, high protein yada yada yada. Then talked about my most recent diet. Again it was weightwatchers with a very successful friend who exercised her butt off and worked the program to a loss of 90 pounds. I lost a respectable 44 and stopped dead, gaining about 10 back before I gave up after more than 2 years of trying. Part of it was my sad ability to work the program while the other half was my inability to resist the deeeeeeep hunger that devleoped over the period of time. At one point i felt like-oh my I am going to use a dog comparison maybe I am all wrong about the psych lady :)-Those starving dogs who sit next to your table watching each morsel as it is carried to your mouth and then drooling all over the carpet. Well that was me. I craved foood, any food and i lost it sliding back to my high school crazy days of binge eating.

Ok so after the first meeting she wrote as I talked. In two weeks I will take some sort of a survey that they give to weight loss surgery patients that will either reveal my dieting and eating profile or allow me to pass onto the the long awaited big daddy appointment with his highness the drum rolllllll please.... surgeon. My big worry is after all of this the great and mightly OZ will say....holy crap what if he is behind the curtain! :) ahahahahah.

Getting a grip now- that the OZ will say..whoops sorry you failed the Upper GI or your insurance coverage changed in the last 3 months and you no longer qualify , or you dont qualify for lapband but we have this nice liquid protein diet you can try....the list goes on.

of course I would like to think that I would have a hissy fit if this happens, stand up for myself and demand that they treat patients with more respect and kindness and that they should have never let the tests continue if I was no longer qualified. However I know my real response would be blubbering bawl fest with red nose and puffy eyes even though I was really mad as Hell.

Slowwwww Poster

A lot has happened and not so much has happened. Since my last post I have passed (I think) three more testing hurdles in my quest to meet a real live surgeon.

Test #2-met with the Nurse Practitioner. She was very nice and thorough. The main purpose of this meeting was to document my medical history and tell me about all of the remaining tests to be completed.

Test #3-Upper GI test. This was not very fun. First I had to drink liquid poprocks (the most pleasant part of the test). I then had to swallow the foulest tasting shamrock shake :) not really a shamrock shake but very similar in its nastiness. I got to drink the magic milkshake in thick form, medium and even runny while standing up, laying down, spinning in circles etc. The technician found a haital hernia (small). I wasn't and am still not sure if this is a deal breaker but they have continued to call me for more tests so I am assuming it is not. I also popped in for some blood tests.

Test #4-Motility and acid test. All I have to say is pray you never have to do this test! They snake a tube up your nose and down your throat. I do have a pretty good gag reflex and it went into overdrive as they slide the tube down my throat while swallowing water. I puked every bit of water that went in back out again three times. After they finished the motility test they pulled the tube back out again and joy of all joys-they pushed another (although smaller) tube back in its place. They attached a computer monitoring devide and I had to wear it home (soooo beautiful and attractive!). I would highly recommend bringing someone to drive you home if you ever have to have this test (the drs office said i would be fine to drive. I could drive but I was not feeling good) It took everything I had to keep that tube in for 24 hours and click the little button everytime I ate, drank or reclined. I did it though and 24 hours later they yanked the thing out and I was tube free again.

Soooo I have only one test left-The psych evaluation. I have an appointment for Tuesday and then again the next week i believe. After this I have nothing left but to meet with the surgeon. Hopefully I have really passed the tests-If I find out that I went through the tube and they arleady knew I didnt qualify I am going to be totally mad but I am hoping against all odds that No news is good news at this point.

I will try and post again after my psych appt. on Tuesday-hmm do you think she will think Im crazy? :)