I am good today. I am still a little achy in my chest region (The only time I remember this kind of ache is after the one time I had food poisoning and after a particularly horrendous stuck episode (Roast Beef anyone?). I have not yet had my morning tea but I had a couple of nibbles of my husbands bagel and cream cheese and it has happily gong through my little band. Other than my two nibbles I am going to stick to known safety items today (soups, tea and maybe a coffee).
Jen sent me an awesome header!!! I have no idea how she managed to get the resolution so much better than I could but THANK YOU JEN!!! I fiddled and fiddled with the last one and although I liked it better than my first one this one is wayyyyy better.
xxxooo
Living with a lapband after seeing goal is just as much work as getting there. This blog chronicles my journey to qualify for band surgery, my work to goal weight and now living with the band long term. Weight will always be an issue but there is a whole lot of living to be done.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Band Trauma
I had a delicious enchilada concoction I put together last night for dinner. It was soft, it was moist but it had some left-0ver roast beef in it. Apparently my band has developed an even more serious aversion to all thing beef than I realized. I ate my meal with no problems but it sat in my pouch for hours and hours. I went to bed and was still burping through dinner from 6pm. I had a cup of tea hoping that it would help to finish cleaning things out but apparently I was wrong.
This morning I took my nice cup of tea to work with me sipping away. around about 9:20am I had to excuse myself from a meeting and return a bit of said tea. My response to this event was WTF? its tea for goodness sake. I racked my brain for some offending food that might have passed my lips this morning..did I pop a nut in my mouth while making Graces lunch? nope a goldfish perhaps? no again. Just the tea went down and just the tea was returned. I have never thrown up a simple liquid before (except in the surgeons office testing a fill).
I worried but stayed calm. After our morning meetings were done a few of us went off to chipotle for lunch (well the others had lunch). I had a bottle of peach orange juice (hoping that this liquid would stay down). I nursed the drink until 3pm (yes three hours) and got it down but it was not comfortable at all. At 3 I called the surgeons office and got an appointment with my favorite nurse at 3:30 (There was a bit of a nail biting moment when they hinted that I would have to wait until tomorrow).
Maggie gave me a bit of a hard time about needing and unfill. After our discussion she thought that the enchilada might have irritated my band (just a bit of an understatement). She took out the .2 cc's i got put in last week.
The details are interesting...
so we were talking away and I did the stream of consciousness blather i sometimes do about what all of the reasons might have been and all of my fears about what I did to my poor band. While talking we covered a lot of ideas but a couple of important ones are: I told her that I was concerned that my pouch doesn't protest as much as it used to and just lets stuff sit in it instead of gagging and pbing the food back. She agreed that yes my pouch might have become used to the food being there and more tolerant. She also had me drink a cup of water with no fluid in my band (holy shmoly...i gulped it down and it was FINE...Felt pretty nifty after so long a time of being a sipper).
-just a note here-I would never give up my fill. I enjoyed reliving my old gulpy habits for a moment and I talked about getting a burger when I felt really open a few days ago but being a size 10 and having the energy that I do...it is worth every missed burger and every lost gulp that I will ever have.-Ok back to the story
She then asked me what the heck a pb meant (made me feel a tad stupid for even using it really). I said productive burp and then proceeded to describe to her the difference between being stuck and throwing up and throwing up after eating too much. I told her the term productive burp and compared it to a baby urping up too much milk. She then said..is that what all of those online banders call it? (in a slightly mocking tone)...Ok I might be sensitive to it (and don't get me wrong I still like her) but...she needs to do some research about actually living with this darn hung of plastic in our bodies.
I really don't think she (or any of the surgeons for that matter) are doing studies about living with a band. They just do their quantitative blinded crap and are muddling around in the dark as far as the actual details of the experience.
It is highly annoying really..
but...the un-fill provided relief. I can drink again and had a few goldfish and a cashew on my way to work and on my way home. Things are A-OK my inner chest area (I am assume stomach) feel a little sore.
Tina
This morning I took my nice cup of tea to work with me sipping away. around about 9:20am I had to excuse myself from a meeting and return a bit of said tea. My response to this event was WTF? its tea for goodness sake. I racked my brain for some offending food that might have passed my lips this morning..did I pop a nut in my mouth while making Graces lunch? nope a goldfish perhaps? no again. Just the tea went down and just the tea was returned. I have never thrown up a simple liquid before (except in the surgeons office testing a fill).
I worried but stayed calm. After our morning meetings were done a few of us went off to chipotle for lunch (well the others had lunch). I had a bottle of peach orange juice (hoping that this liquid would stay down). I nursed the drink until 3pm (yes three hours) and got it down but it was not comfortable at all. At 3 I called the surgeons office and got an appointment with my favorite nurse at 3:30 (There was a bit of a nail biting moment when they hinted that I would have to wait until tomorrow).
Maggie gave me a bit of a hard time about needing and unfill. After our discussion she thought that the enchilada might have irritated my band (just a bit of an understatement). She took out the .2 cc's i got put in last week.
The details are interesting...
so we were talking away and I did the stream of consciousness blather i sometimes do about what all of the reasons might have been and all of my fears about what I did to my poor band. While talking we covered a lot of ideas but a couple of important ones are: I told her that I was concerned that my pouch doesn't protest as much as it used to and just lets stuff sit in it instead of gagging and pbing the food back. She agreed that yes my pouch might have become used to the food being there and more tolerant. She also had me drink a cup of water with no fluid in my band (holy shmoly...i gulped it down and it was FINE...Felt pretty nifty after so long a time of being a sipper).
-just a note here-I would never give up my fill. I enjoyed reliving my old gulpy habits for a moment and I talked about getting a burger when I felt really open a few days ago but being a size 10 and having the energy that I do...it is worth every missed burger and every lost gulp that I will ever have.-Ok back to the story
She then asked me what the heck a pb meant (made me feel a tad stupid for even using it really). I said productive burp and then proceeded to describe to her the difference between being stuck and throwing up and throwing up after eating too much. I told her the term productive burp and compared it to a baby urping up too much milk. She then said..is that what all of those online banders call it? (in a slightly mocking tone)...Ok I might be sensitive to it (and don't get me wrong I still like her) but...she needs to do some research about actually living with this darn hung of plastic in our bodies.
I really don't think she (or any of the surgeons for that matter) are doing studies about living with a band. They just do their quantitative blinded crap and are muddling around in the dark as far as the actual details of the experience.
It is highly annoying really..
but...the un-fill provided relief. I can drink again and had a few goldfish and a cashew on my way to work and on my way home. Things are A-OK my inner chest area (I am assume stomach) feel a little sore.
Tina
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Rocking It Today
We are having a beautiful fall day here in Oregon (the temperature is already 69 degrees f. I forgot to weigh myself today but my jeans feel loose so I am figuring that I would have been pleased with the dial. I was hungry this morning but had a small breakfast followed by a partial cup of tea.
I am even spending some knitting time with public television. I am not hungry for lunch so am giving it a pass until I get hungry.
Tomorrow will be a juggle and hectic but just now...for now...I am stealing a little leisure time.
I am even spending some knitting time with public television. I am not hungry for lunch so am giving it a pass until I get hungry.
Tomorrow will be a juggle and hectic but just now...for now...I am stealing a little leisure time.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
The Right Path is Back in View
Today was better. After a third night of horrible acid indigestion because I ate crap into the evening and did not give my tightened band a chance to push it through before going to bed I finally decided that it was time to fly right.
This morning it occurred to me that over time my little banded tummy has become less sensitive. At one time I would have taken credit for this by saying that I had merely figured out that chewing more and eating less was the trick but I am now not so sure. Yesterday I ate two muffins (not huge but not small either) during a morning meeting because I was hungry. I do not think that my chewing or stopping before I ate a whole one can be attributed to this. On the other hand however my evening food sat for hours in my stomach and did not go through until a couple of hours after I was up and running around. In the past that muffin would have lunched back up in no time and now..it goes it stays and it goes through eventually.
As most of us do- I have a little fear (hence my well-behaved behavior today) is that I have done something like stretch my esophagus and there is just flat out more room in there. Who knows if this is the fact. I am always honest at the doctors office and she didn't seem concerned at all but then I am miss golden band child in their office and I think that fact has earned me a golden ticket to whatever I want. I am going to be a model bandster for the next few days and monitor that night acid reflux issue.
I have also come to the conclusion, after a conversation with my daughter that this is enough. Whether I Lost another pound or not I am happy to be a size 10. This last push has made me a little crazy and it is just not worth it. I will carry on with the fill, do what is right food-wise, and get back onto my exercise. If I lose more great if not-this is good enough. I will not get another fill with losing weight in mind. It will only be to maintain.
My next goal is family fitness. These last two years has been about getting my own fitness shit together. Yes we have all learned and changed. Yes they have gained benefit from our turning away from fast food and toward home-cooked healthy meals but still. We can slip back so easily and have lately. My 9 year old needs more than an example from me. She needs someone to help her navigate her own eating and exercise goals and someone to exercise with her.
xxxooo
This morning it occurred to me that over time my little banded tummy has become less sensitive. At one time I would have taken credit for this by saying that I had merely figured out that chewing more and eating less was the trick but I am now not so sure. Yesterday I ate two muffins (not huge but not small either) during a morning meeting because I was hungry. I do not think that my chewing or stopping before I ate a whole one can be attributed to this. On the other hand however my evening food sat for hours in my stomach and did not go through until a couple of hours after I was up and running around. In the past that muffin would have lunched back up in no time and now..it goes it stays and it goes through eventually.
As most of us do- I have a little fear (hence my well-behaved behavior today) is that I have done something like stretch my esophagus and there is just flat out more room in there. Who knows if this is the fact. I am always honest at the doctors office and she didn't seem concerned at all but then I am miss golden band child in their office and I think that fact has earned me a golden ticket to whatever I want. I am going to be a model bandster for the next few days and monitor that night acid reflux issue.
I have also come to the conclusion, after a conversation with my daughter that this is enough. Whether I Lost another pound or not I am happy to be a size 10. This last push has made me a little crazy and it is just not worth it. I will carry on with the fill, do what is right food-wise, and get back onto my exercise. If I lose more great if not-this is good enough. I will not get another fill with losing weight in mind. It will only be to maintain.
My next goal is family fitness. These last two years has been about getting my own fitness shit together. Yes we have all learned and changed. Yes they have gained benefit from our turning away from fast food and toward home-cooked healthy meals but still. We can slip back so easily and have lately. My 9 year old needs more than an example from me. She needs someone to help her navigate her own eating and exercise goals and someone to exercise with her.
xxxooo
Monday, November 1, 2010
Doing a Bit of Spinning
The sense of control that I have always resurrected with my previous fills is not happening this time. I am feeling a tad frustrated. I need to get my head on straight but am having a hell of a time getting it done.
Now I am not a total negative thing. This last fill is keeping my weight right at 166-68. I am happy about that. I have clothes that fit comfortably and nicely. The food however is not good. I am not eating meals but instead snacking on sub-optimal foods. It is weird really because my old no-go foods or foods that have always been limited by the band seem to have now changed.
I can eat cookies, muffins doughnut holes, and candy with no ill effects. It is more difficult to eat 'real' food than it was before my latest fill. For lunch I only managed 1/2 a chicken taco and dinner was tuna salad with sweet pickles. I have been compelled to then eat a plethora of snacks in between these small meals. Today I was decent until about lunch and then lost the plot.
my lightbulb moment-In the midst of all of my cocky self-patting and being high on success I forgot one little thing. The weight will not stay off effortlessly. I will need to pay attention to nutrition and healthy eating for the rest of my life. I have learned that food is not really that important. a skipped meal is meaningless but what I choose to put in my mouth when I choose to put it in there is very important. That food needs to be nutritious, delicious and of high quality. Failing to plan for that and think it through is failing myself. In failing myself I will not only fail to keep the weight off but I will also fail to nourish myself and risk osteoporosis (that bit is a direct quote from my nurse) among other nutritional deficiencies.
I am currently spiraling out of food control because I am not attending to this importance. Man where are you boobs when I need a good slap on the back of the head.
xxxooo
Now I am not a total negative thing. This last fill is keeping my weight right at 166-68. I am happy about that. I have clothes that fit comfortably and nicely. The food however is not good. I am not eating meals but instead snacking on sub-optimal foods. It is weird really because my old no-go foods or foods that have always been limited by the band seem to have now changed.
I can eat cookies, muffins doughnut holes, and candy with no ill effects. It is more difficult to eat 'real' food than it was before my latest fill. For lunch I only managed 1/2 a chicken taco and dinner was tuna salad with sweet pickles. I have been compelled to then eat a plethora of snacks in between these small meals. Today I was decent until about lunch and then lost the plot.
my lightbulb moment-In the midst of all of my cocky self-patting and being high on success I forgot one little thing. The weight will not stay off effortlessly. I will need to pay attention to nutrition and healthy eating for the rest of my life. I have learned that food is not really that important. a skipped meal is meaningless but what I choose to put in my mouth when I choose to put it in there is very important. That food needs to be nutritious, delicious and of high quality. Failing to plan for that and think it through is failing myself. In failing myself I will not only fail to keep the weight off but I will also fail to nourish myself and risk osteoporosis (that bit is a direct quote from my nurse) among other nutritional deficiencies.
I am currently spiraling out of food control because I am not attending to this importance. Man where are you boobs when I need a good slap on the back of the head.
xxxooo
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thank Goodness it is Almost Over and a Trip Down Memory Lane
I have just experienced a Halloween of old. I have eaten enough candy these last few weeks to sustain a small country. Thankfully the neighborhood kids came in hoards to our house and cleaned us out of the evil stuff. I now only have to struggle with the small bag-full that Grace went and collected in her horse-back riding costume. Hopefully that will disappear in a few days and we can return to some of our normal abnormality.
I feel like a bloated, sugar fueled walrus right now.
After putting this up and got curious as to how I felt on this date during each of the four years I have now been blogging (I can hardly believe it has been that long!) In 2007 and 2009 I did not bother to even mention Halloween (how odd). In 07 I am sure it was a similar sugar-fest as that was my common mode of practice for years. Binge on the candy and then regret my behavior for weeks on end after. In 2008 this is what I had to say about Halloween:
Well i have said this before but this fill seems to be great! For the first time ever I can count the number of pieces of halloween candy i have ingested. I know exactly how much food I ate today because there was so little of it. I have already lost a pound since Tuesday. Yipppeeeeee
I apparently had a fill right before and all was tight and working well. In 2009 as I have stated I skipped Halloween and instead talked about my trip to San Francisco. All I can imagine is that it was not too difficult. I know I was in a decent losing phase at the time. Now this year-I am struggling a bit to bahave myself. I think I have learned how to eat around what I am supposed to.
Candy and chips and other naughty crappy crap food are easy to eat and I do eat them to my peril. This Halloween has been especially difficult.
On a more positive note, I got a little implement to attach my bike to a stationary trainer in my garage. I will now have no excuse not to get myself out for a spin and keep my butt callus from going soft.
xxxooo
I feel like a bloated, sugar fueled walrus right now.
After putting this up and got curious as to how I felt on this date during each of the four years I have now been blogging (I can hardly believe it has been that long!) In 2007 and 2009 I did not bother to even mention Halloween (how odd). In 07 I am sure it was a similar sugar-fest as that was my common mode of practice for years. Binge on the candy and then regret my behavior for weeks on end after. In 2008 this is what I had to say about Halloween:
Well i have said this before but this fill seems to be great! For the first time ever I can count the number of pieces of halloween candy i have ingested. I know exactly how much food I ate today because there was so little of it. I have already lost a pound since Tuesday. Yipppeeeeee
I apparently had a fill right before and all was tight and working well. In 2009 as I have stated I skipped Halloween and instead talked about my trip to San Francisco. All I can imagine is that it was not too difficult. I know I was in a decent losing phase at the time. Now this year-I am struggling a bit to bahave myself. I think I have learned how to eat around what I am supposed to.
Candy and chips and other naughty crappy crap food are easy to eat and I do eat them to my peril. This Halloween has been especially difficult.
On a more positive note, I got a little implement to attach my bike to a stationary trainer in my garage. I will now have no excuse not to get myself out for a spin and keep my butt callus from going soft.
xxxooo
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Not Sure If This Is Working Yet
Today was filled wtih crap crap and more crap. Popcorn for breakfast, a cookie or two for lunch, two candy corns, a brownie and finally a small piece of fish with tea (not in that order) for dinner.
Today was busy and I used it (as I have done in my previous pre-band life) to eat crap.
The onslaught of crap leaves me wondering if this latest fill is going to be the last or if I am still a tad loose. I really need to straighten out my act over the next few days and see if this latest fill is indeed going to work as my 'last' fill to goal or whether I might need another.
I do very much suspect that I am afraid to finish this weight loss game. Just as my old fat self and free eating ways clearly defined who I was this newer long term weight-loss game has become who I am. I am constantly chasing another five pounds and I really honestly do not know how I am going to deal with being at the finish line. I realistically know it shouldn't be that different from what I have done but it still scares me. I have always lived my life with a new goal to take on. If this one has been met what do I shoot for next?
xxxooo
Today was busy and I used it (as I have done in my previous pre-band life) to eat crap.
The onslaught of crap leaves me wondering if this latest fill is going to be the last or if I am still a tad loose. I really need to straighten out my act over the next few days and see if this latest fill is indeed going to work as my 'last' fill to goal or whether I might need another.
I do very much suspect that I am afraid to finish this weight loss game. Just as my old fat self and free eating ways clearly defined who I was this newer long term weight-loss game has become who I am. I am constantly chasing another five pounds and I really honestly do not know how I am going to deal with being at the finish line. I realistically know it shouldn't be that different from what I have done but it still scares me. I have always lived my life with a new goal to take on. If this one has been met what do I shoot for next?
xxxooo
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