Finally on Monday I will get my fill. I called way back at the end of Jan/first of Feb. and have had to wait a month to get in. I am going to give him a hard time. From what i gather my surgeon is a bit of a control freak. Now I understand that as I lean that way myself but when you are so controlling that you are not meeting the needs of your patients it is time to let go of some tasks. For starters I would like him to let me come in to see a nurse practitioner for fills.
I have lost all of the Florida weight, regained part of it again and then today I am down again to the 263. I have my TOM to thank for that...I tightened right up!! If my fill works the same i should soon be below the frustratingly sticky 260. if and when i get to 256 I will have lost 50 pounds from my all time high. I welcome celebratory ideas (my first instinct of course is to go out for dinner!! I know this is not what i should be thinking).
Living with a lapband after seeing goal is just as much work as getting there. This blog chronicles my journey to qualify for band surgery, my work to goal weight and now living with the band long term. Weight will always be an issue but there is a whole lot of living to be done.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
more yoyoyoyoyoyoy
I have been to Florida-
We got home Thursday night. It was glorious! I am sick to death of winter and the heat and sun was wonderful for a week. I did not want to come home. I went for one of my math ed conferences. It was as usual very good and I came away all enthused to get to work-get a job, write, etc. Then for the rest of the week my parents, middle daughter, youngest daughter and hubby did the Disney thing. It was fun! I think the best trip to Disney ever.
Now the bad news-I am on a weight upswing. This is occurring exactly as it did the three times before. I ate well at Disney-couscous at the Moroccan rest. in Epcot, Vodka laced drinks, Ice cream, cookies, fish and chips several times, one hamburger without the bun and little to no vegetables. I did fit in a protein bar or two but largely it was unhealthy to the max (and I have to say I had a great time doing it).
When I got home I was back up to 269 tight as tight can be (I was 263 the day i left for Florida). I tried some left over roast beef that my daughter cooked and spent lunch hurling repeatedly (i think it got stuck in my stoma as I finally hurled food from my lower stomach and I was done). I decided a protein shake was in order for midafternoon. I got a peanut butter squared one (a full 40 grams of protein) I could not keep that down either. I finally gave up and stuck to water for a few hours and then managed to keep down some tomato soup for dinner. Today my stomach is working ok (I am already down 3 pounds from yesterday) I had about 3/4 of a grilled cheese sandwich, a frozen yogurt, a protein bar and am debating what i'll get for dinner.
The kitchen was put on hold while we were gone. The stove and fridge came the Friday before we left but we did not get the cabinets installed well enough to have them measured for countertops. They are coming on Tuesday and I will hopefully get them in the next week. Following that I get my sink and dishwasher back!!! I cannot wait.
Today tadahhhhhhh I am 45 years old. I have to say I was hoping I would be further along on the weight loss thing. Now one might ask..gee valentines day how romantic-yeah well no. Men are crap at romance-at least mine is. He took my daughter out last night for last minute shopping. She picked out some flowers. They left them out of water all night and they were wilted by morning.
As far as unromantic though- I guess i did get a really good present. I have a brand new HP mini-computer. It is about the size of a large paperback book. It is going to take some time to get used to the smaller keyboard and get all my files transferred over but so far i like it. It is very small and light-will be able to fit the thing in my purse!!!
We got home Thursday night. It was glorious! I am sick to death of winter and the heat and sun was wonderful for a week. I did not want to come home. I went for one of my math ed conferences. It was as usual very good and I came away all enthused to get to work-get a job, write, etc. Then for the rest of the week my parents, middle daughter, youngest daughter and hubby did the Disney thing. It was fun! I think the best trip to Disney ever.
Now the bad news-I am on a weight upswing. This is occurring exactly as it did the three times before. I ate well at Disney-couscous at the Moroccan rest. in Epcot, Vodka laced drinks, Ice cream, cookies, fish and chips several times, one hamburger without the bun and little to no vegetables. I did fit in a protein bar or two but largely it was unhealthy to the max (and I have to say I had a great time doing it).
When I got home I was back up to 269 tight as tight can be (I was 263 the day i left for Florida). I tried some left over roast beef that my daughter cooked and spent lunch hurling repeatedly (i think it got stuck in my stoma as I finally hurled food from my lower stomach and I was done). I decided a protein shake was in order for midafternoon. I got a peanut butter squared one (a full 40 grams of protein) I could not keep that down either. I finally gave up and stuck to water for a few hours and then managed to keep down some tomato soup for dinner. Today my stomach is working ok (I am already down 3 pounds from yesterday) I had about 3/4 of a grilled cheese sandwich, a frozen yogurt, a protein bar and am debating what i'll get for dinner.
The kitchen was put on hold while we were gone. The stove and fridge came the Friday before we left but we did not get the cabinets installed well enough to have them measured for countertops. They are coming on Tuesday and I will hopefully get them in the next week. Following that I get my sink and dishwasher back!!! I cannot wait.
Today tadahhhhhhh I am 45 years old. I have to say I was hoping I would be further along on the weight loss thing. Now one might ask..gee valentines day how romantic-yeah well no. Men are crap at romance-at least mine is. He took my daughter out last night for last minute shopping. She picked out some flowers. They left them out of water all night and they were wilted by morning.
As far as unromantic though- I guess i did get a really good present. I have a brand new HP mini-computer. It is about the size of a large paperback book. It is going to take some time to get used to the smaller keyboard and get all my files transferred over but so far i like it. It is very small and light-will be able to fit the thing in my purse!!!
Monday, February 2, 2009
up and down up and down-im going for a fill
Ok so the yoyo did not stop. I did not manage to remain full and my restriction sucks. I am calling this morning for a fill. I doubt I will be able to get in for a couple of weeks. I hate it that the wait time is so long. When you finally figure out you need a fill it is like being hit on the head and you want to immediately take action. However then you have to give it two more weeks before you can take care of business. arghghg.
On a good note-I am behind in laundry again and was forced to rummage through my closet for clothes. Again i found jeans i had outgrown and can now fit into (these ones were on the big side already!!). I tried on my little black dress-it fits again, a dress i wore in 2006 that did not look very good on me and now it looks so much better. woohoo a whole new wardrobe. I desperately need to dig into the mess and chuck out the stuff that is big. There are a few shirts (God knows why i saved these things!!) that are short and wide! They obviously got put into the dryer and because they were cheap pieces of crap from Target or some such equivalent store shrunk up in the most unflattering way (big belly hangs out but shoulders are drowning in fabric). I chucked two of those on the floor in front to remind me to haul the off to the garbage can or Goodwill.
Work, Work, Work-
Work is killing me right now. I like to teach and sitting at home reading papers from an online posting is boring-I know the students appreciate the feedback but the social interaction is lacking. I am teaching another class where we get to meet a few times and then do part of the work online. It seems a better configuration. I was ready to quit last week and hobble together some one on one tutoring jobs, subbing at a high school and teaching the combo face to face and blackboard class but the sub job had already been filled and we got our tax information. I am going to owe money big time!! eek.
For all of you Brits (and perhaps Aussie's-Do you have socialized medicine??). We pay a 40% tax rate and get nothing to show for it (well maybe some damn bombs!!) My husband paid the same amount in the UK and at least had free medical care, and relative assurances that he would have some sort of retirement money coming in. He does have a higher income here but the tax thing is crazy. I'm hoping that Obama comes through and cuts our taxes a little (i have in the past been a pro-tax girl. I am always ready to support the fire, police, schools, library etc. but 40% is a killer when you have two daughters in college, another living at home while she pays for her own college, a 7 year old, a grandchild at home, a ripped up kitchen that is sucking money like no tomorrow and a commute to work that is and 1.5 hours away....I shouldn't complain i guess we both have jobs...ack but i don't like mine! (put in a whiny voice here) I want a real job!
The kitchen-
it is still ripped up. There are assembled Ikea cabinets everywhere (littering the kitchen, in the living room. There is the debris of cardboard in the entry way, the living room, and kitchen. All of my kitchen goods are all over the dining room, living room and bathroom (our kitchen sink replacement). it is like a war zone in here!! My goal was to work hard this weekend and help my hubby get the cabinets in so i could call the countertop people and get them to come measure. Well one hairy electrical outlet later (some hacked together garbage disposal, dishwasher switch in a funky place) and all of Sunday was gone and all of the cabinets remained. My husband can move from a good pace when he is sure of himself to a snails pace when he has a hairy problem to work out (this one must have been extremely hairy!!) It took all day Sunday!! I could not help because he gets irritated when i try to help and he is thinking things through. I gave up and got some work done far away in my bedroom. I am calling the countertop people today and then tonight when he comes home from work we will have to put them in place.
I think this is enough for one morning-i wish my writing would go this fast for work!!
On a good note-I am behind in laundry again and was forced to rummage through my closet for clothes. Again i found jeans i had outgrown and can now fit into (these ones were on the big side already!!). I tried on my little black dress-it fits again, a dress i wore in 2006 that did not look very good on me and now it looks so much better. woohoo a whole new wardrobe. I desperately need to dig into the mess and chuck out the stuff that is big. There are a few shirts (God knows why i saved these things!!) that are short and wide! They obviously got put into the dryer and because they were cheap pieces of crap from Target or some such equivalent store shrunk up in the most unflattering way (big belly hangs out but shoulders are drowning in fabric). I chucked two of those on the floor in front to remind me to haul the off to the garbage can or Goodwill.
Work, Work, Work-
Work is killing me right now. I like to teach and sitting at home reading papers from an online posting is boring-I know the students appreciate the feedback but the social interaction is lacking. I am teaching another class where we get to meet a few times and then do part of the work online. It seems a better configuration. I was ready to quit last week and hobble together some one on one tutoring jobs, subbing at a high school and teaching the combo face to face and blackboard class but the sub job had already been filled and we got our tax information. I am going to owe money big time!! eek.
For all of you Brits (and perhaps Aussie's-Do you have socialized medicine??). We pay a 40% tax rate and get nothing to show for it (well maybe some damn bombs!!) My husband paid the same amount in the UK and at least had free medical care, and relative assurances that he would have some sort of retirement money coming in. He does have a higher income here but the tax thing is crazy. I'm hoping that Obama comes through and cuts our taxes a little (i have in the past been a pro-tax girl. I am always ready to support the fire, police, schools, library etc. but 40% is a killer when you have two daughters in college, another living at home while she pays for her own college, a 7 year old, a grandchild at home, a ripped up kitchen that is sucking money like no tomorrow and a commute to work that is and 1.5 hours away....I shouldn't complain i guess we both have jobs...ack but i don't like mine! (put in a whiny voice here) I want a real job!
The kitchen-
it is still ripped up. There are assembled Ikea cabinets everywhere (littering the kitchen, in the living room. There is the debris of cardboard in the entry way, the living room, and kitchen. All of my kitchen goods are all over the dining room, living room and bathroom (our kitchen sink replacement). it is like a war zone in here!! My goal was to work hard this weekend and help my hubby get the cabinets in so i could call the countertop people and get them to come measure. Well one hairy electrical outlet later (some hacked together garbage disposal, dishwasher switch in a funky place) and all of Sunday was gone and all of the cabinets remained. My husband can move from a good pace when he is sure of himself to a snails pace when he has a hairy problem to work out (this one must have been extremely hairy!!) It took all day Sunday!! I could not help because he gets irritated when i try to help and he is thinking things through. I gave up and got some work done far away in my bedroom. I am calling the countertop people today and then tonight when he comes home from work we will have to put them in place.
I think this is enough for one morning-i wish my writing would go this fast for work!!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Two days following the plan and so far so good
I have paid particular attention to chewing over the past few days and my sticking episodes have improved plus I was able to eat enough that I was full for the rest of the evening. Best of all my yo yo seems to have broken and I am down the 4 yoyo pounds plus 3 more. I am 4 pounds from my all time low....
This has spurred me to be really good today so that I can finish the 4 pounds off and move into new weight loss territory.
This has spurred me to be really good today so that I can finish the 4 pounds off and move into new weight loss territory.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Chew, Chew, Chew
Every time i feed my grandson I say-chew chew chew (he is still learning to eat solids). Well Duhhhhhh yesterday after I examined the quantity of vomit i expelled following an attempt to eat a hotdog for lunch (minus the bun) I discovered that everyone should be saying that to me! Although I think I chew I am obviously not doing so well enough-There were pieces in there the size of my thumb (long and wide)....
so in addition to writing down what I eat and counting protein I need to freaking chew!
Part of my problem-and I think this has been a lifetime problem-is that I dont like to think about eating. I wait until im hungry. With the band I have waited until I am even more hungry because half the time I have to really think about where and what I can eat with this band. By the time I actually sit down to eat I am starving and then start wolfing my food and then I get stuck and then i barf....
The good thing ( I guess) is these problems do not seem to irritate my stomach at all. I appear to be fine after.
so in addition to writing down what I eat and counting protein I need to freaking chew!
Part of my problem-and I think this has been a lifetime problem-is that I dont like to think about eating. I wait until im hungry. With the band I have waited until I am even more hungry because half the time I have to really think about where and what I can eat with this band. By the time I actually sit down to eat I am starving and then start wolfing my food and then I get stuck and then i barf....
The good thing ( I guess) is these problems do not seem to irritate my stomach at all. I appear to be fine after.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
arghgh restricted? or not??
So for the past week or so I have been clueless as to whether this band is at a good fill level. I get stuck so it is definitely there. but when i eat I get hungry really quickly again. On the other hand I have had meals where I can eat way too much. For example-twice i have had fish and chips and was able to eat two fairly large pieces and some french fries.
Additionally I have gained and lost the same 4 pounds three times.
I do not know if I am doing my usual lose 10 pounds and then i need another fill or what (only this time it is 14 pounds).
I am afraid to get another fill because I still barf about once or twice a week. Usually this is because i try to eat some meat product or bread product that i know I am not supposed to.
lately the barfs have been-steak, hamburger, turkey, 1/2 a bagel. This concerns me a bit-I of course can eat fish so far (i don't really love it and being without a stove does not make this problem very easy to solve). After fish I am not sure how I am supposed to maintain a high protein diet. 60 grams a day is difficult if you cannot eat most meats. I get 15 grams in my protein bars (breakfast). 7 grams for 1 oz of cheddar cheese (i usually have 2 ounces so that is 14. The fish and chips offer up 28. I of course change things up from time to time-like attempting other meats at dinner etc.
I just figured this out while i wrote it--im a little freaked. I guess i am going to have to at least keep track of my protein for a while. Maybe more protein in will help me stay full longer? or barf more!! haha
Ok now that I have barfed on the page-it appears I need to 1. keep a food diary...Damn I dont want to. 2. eat more protein. 3. look to see if i open up as I get to the bottom of the 4 pound yoyo.
Additionally I have gained and lost the same 4 pounds three times.
I do not know if I am doing my usual lose 10 pounds and then i need another fill or what (only this time it is 14 pounds).
I am afraid to get another fill because I still barf about once or twice a week. Usually this is because i try to eat some meat product or bread product that i know I am not supposed to.
lately the barfs have been-steak, hamburger, turkey, 1/2 a bagel. This concerns me a bit-I of course can eat fish so far (i don't really love it and being without a stove does not make this problem very easy to solve). After fish I am not sure how I am supposed to maintain a high protein diet. 60 grams a day is difficult if you cannot eat most meats. I get 15 grams in my protein bars (breakfast). 7 grams for 1 oz of cheddar cheese (i usually have 2 ounces so that is 14. The fish and chips offer up 28. I of course change things up from time to time-like attempting other meats at dinner etc.
I just figured this out while i wrote it--im a little freaked. I guess i am going to have to at least keep track of my protein for a while. Maybe more protein in will help me stay full longer? or barf more!! haha
Ok now that I have barfed on the page-it appears I need to 1. keep a food diary...Damn I dont want to. 2. eat more protein. 3. look to see if i open up as I get to the bottom of the 4 pound yoyo.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Oh happy dayyyy oh happy dayyyyyy
So I have a new development. I have had pretty good restriction for the past month (ever since the leaky port scare, overfill and then tweak). I have fought it a little-Getting used to eating so much less food is kind of difficult at first. I used to eat really chunky sandwiches and thought I could not eat bread anymore. I can now however eat from 1/3 of a sandwich to 1/2 depending on the day. I think this has taken some time to wrap my head around (with several visits to my garbage disposal as proof).
Well today I was shocked to discover (when I tallied what I had eaten before dinner was: 2 protein bars and 1/2 a sandwich. For dinner I had a small bean burrito (eaten slowly and first 1/2 then the second after a wait time and burp). and 1/2 cup of rice pudding. I am completely satisfied, not hungry.
I am pretty impressed I have to say. I hope this is how things are going to be for the distant future. I am steadily losing weight. I have avoided eating any of the chocolate (well my chocolate anyway). I had a couple of bites of my children's here and there.
Off the diet topic-yesterday we finished the first half of the kitchen floor (bamboo) and are hoping to get the electrics fixed up so that we can put up the first of many bits of Ikea cupboards (i'm kind of scared of all of that flat pack).
Today all hell developed when my oldest daughter on her 8.5 months of failed sleep cracked crying with her bag on bags look. I took on childcare while she 'slept.' I found out later that she was unable to sleep and ended up talking to her sister for two hours on the phone.
Well we dragged my grandson and two other of my daughters around town looking for a car replacement (the sleep deprived daughter is buying it for herself and i now need a new one). I did buy a car. It is a Mazda 5 (a pseudo-van) LIke a van only 'car'ier. I like it so far but I am a bit concerned when I have to parallel park to pick my youngest daughter up and school-
So to end the saga-I am now on baby night duty. I sent my oldest daughter to bed with a sleeping pill and said I will get up with my grandson tonight (I might spend tomorrow sleeping :)))...So far he has stayed asleep. He twists and turns in bed like crazy and has made two peeps but from 9-11:30 he has stayed asleep. Wish me luck!!!
Tina
Well today I was shocked to discover (when I tallied what I had eaten before dinner was: 2 protein bars and 1/2 a sandwich. For dinner I had a small bean burrito (eaten slowly and first 1/2 then the second after a wait time and burp). and 1/2 cup of rice pudding. I am completely satisfied, not hungry.
I am pretty impressed I have to say. I hope this is how things are going to be for the distant future. I am steadily losing weight. I have avoided eating any of the chocolate (well my chocolate anyway). I had a couple of bites of my children's here and there.
Off the diet topic-yesterday we finished the first half of the kitchen floor (bamboo) and are hoping to get the electrics fixed up so that we can put up the first of many bits of Ikea cupboards (i'm kind of scared of all of that flat pack).
Today all hell developed when my oldest daughter on her 8.5 months of failed sleep cracked crying with her bag on bags look. I took on childcare while she 'slept.' I found out later that she was unable to sleep and ended up talking to her sister for two hours on the phone.
Well we dragged my grandson and two other of my daughters around town looking for a car replacement (the sleep deprived daughter is buying it for herself and i now need a new one). I did buy a car. It is a Mazda 5 (a pseudo-van) LIke a van only 'car'ier. I like it so far but I am a bit concerned when I have to parallel park to pick my youngest daughter up and school-
So to end the saga-I am now on baby night duty. I sent my oldest daughter to bed with a sleeping pill and said I will get up with my grandson tonight (I might spend tomorrow sleeping :)))...So far he has stayed asleep. He twists and turns in bed like crazy and has made two peeps but from 9-11:30 he has stayed asleep. Wish me luck!!!
Tina
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