Me or the Band?

I am sure this topic has come up before on my blog. I am sure it will come up again. I wish it was a lesson I could learn but I really think this weightloss thing happens in a spiral where I learn the same lessons over and over again only a little better or a little bit differently. I wish we were not such creatures of habit but despite my life goal of thinking that I am a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl deep down I don't really think I am and I crave habits just as much as the next guy.

OK..that was a nonesense filled sentence. Maybe I can lay it out more clearly...

I am not losing weight. I have developed some habits that are not helping me. I even had an out-loud conversation with myself about it in the car this morning. I have become a snacker. I am sure it is my body fighting back at the weightloss that the band has created. The snacking, however, is not helping me at all.

Yesterday that slammed me up in the face when I actually had a day where I did not snack. Lets face it...it is easier to grab a drink here a bite there an stay satisfied. It is much more difficult to sit down and eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and then walk away from food until the next meal. first of all avoiding snacks eliminates a heck of a lot of fun foods. It also is easier..I can scarf a bit of anything but facing a meal of it..now that is more difficult.

I have attempted to do the same again today. Breakfast was a coffee (yes I am avoiding the fact that I am ingesting liquid calories still and will continue to do so for the near future!!). mid-morning snack was a glass of water and 3/4 of a piece of pumpkin bread. I had lunch (10 tortilla chips, cheese and refried beans) at 2:00pm and now at 4:30 just had a scoop of candy corn. I am going to have dinner out for my oldest daughters birthday where I will have water and probably a piece of fish and two french fries(unless they have a good soup on the menu). I will probably come home and have another snack of some sort at 9pm. snack snack snack...I need to put a stop to it I think. I might..gulp...actually have to start doing a bit of a diet here near the end of this road.

Today Was Better-

I am feeling a bit better today about things. The scale has not changed but I managed to normalize my out of control eating. I only ordered a tall coffee this morning and chased it with 1/2c an oatmeal. Lunch was a single crisp chicken taco with black beans, cheese, sour cream and tomatoes. Dinner was another slice of french bread and 1 oz of cheese. I snuck in 5 candy corns. I drank two bottles of water.

This is much better than I have been doing and I feel pretty calm about it even though it is more than I usually eat. I do need a fill but am going to give it a couple of days so I can get myself down to the bottom end of this swing before I go in.

I am going in the morning for my two year research evaluation. It will be interesting to see what they bmi, weight, and heart rate data print out looks like.

Crapity-I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Thing

I did a bit of testing today and although I know that is not a good way to work this band thing I have learned that I really need a flipping fill. I will call tomorrow and see how soon I can get in. Goodness knows how many calories have gone down my gullet but it was plenty.

Tonight for example I had a good 1/2 cup of chicken pot pie quickly at 6pm. I was super hungry again 10 minutes ago (10 pm) and did an old style grab cheese in the fridge and slice a french bread placing cheese on top. I ate said bread and 3oz of cheese in rapid pace. (yes I just slammed bread!!!!)...I couldn't even do that after my first fill. Now I know bread is not off my list anymore and I know I chew better but puuleeasee...that bread went down really fast and I can feel it slipping through my band right now.

Apparently there is some major piece of stomach fat melting off under my band. i Don't remember such a big difference or obvious loosening in ages.

xxxooo

Back Down to 169

#$%$#%$# scale...I want new territory not old territory. I am cleaning house today and going to try and do everything like a good band girl. Water, meals and even throw in the grilled cheese test. I might just make a fill appointment.

I have to go in in Friday anyway as the research coordinator finally called and set up an appointment.

I think shopping is in order to perk up my spirits as well.

Arghghghg :)

Still in a holding pattern here. It is weird really but I have been through this dry zone before and no matter how many iterations of it I still get frustrated. The scale has bumped up to 170 again and it is driving me crazy. I am trying to peg my attitude on the following:

1. David says the scale is not working right
2. My clothes are getting looser
3. my skin is noticeably saggier
4. My bones are noticeably more prominent
5. Most of the signs that I have a good fill are in place
6. I have not yet off loaded my monthly water gain (I think)

Driving my crazy:

1. The scale is staying up
2. I have been hungry
3. The scale is staying up..oh did I already say that?
4. I have been craving sweets like crazy

I do not know what the deal is and I am sure this pattern has happened before. I know this whole band and weightloss journey has been filled with cycles of the scale is moving and i am happy or the scale is not moving and I am frustrated. I wonder that if a large part of this game is that the band helps us get through the not moving frustrated parts without going off the wagon. I know I would have done it sooo many times by now without it.

Saturday Tour, Sunday Ride

Yesterday David, Grace and I went with a friend (who is also a real estate agent) and looked at several properties around our area. We did find two potential beauties. I of course like one of them and David likes the other. We are currently discussing whether it is time to put our house back on the market and look towards moving again. We roamed around properties in the woods, with creeks, that need to be gutted and rebuilt, bare land and others that have gourmet kitchens and roaming chickens and donkeys.

My favorite is on a local 23 mile bike, horse and walking trail. We could walk right out our back gate and go right onto the trail. It is on three acres with two fenced corrals. It has a huge garage with space for two large motor homes, a smaller car plus four offices. The house is small and needs a bit of cosmetic work to make it to our taste but everything in it is well cared for and clean.

David's favorite is further away from David's work but has a nice 4 bedroom house on it. The house is newer with hardwood floors in most of it. The current owner is a chef and has a kitchen that reflects that. There is a smaller garage, a chicken coop, and a barn that currently houses two small donkeys. There are three fenced areas and some of the space in valleys and forest. The land and outbuildings on this place need a bit of work and the yard work I see facing me seems like it would take a lot of work.

I spent a long time last night trying to work out which one would be the right one and even what we needed to do to the house we are in to get it ready to put back on the market. So much so that I slept until 11am because i was up and down last night with acid reflux and over-active brain insomnia. I think the acid reflux was because I had a piece of toast with raspberry jam at 11pm...not such a good idea and I knew it at the time.

Today with my late wake up we missed our 11am appointment to go on a ride with some friends. We showed up 45 minutes late and rode down a local trail for about 19 miles all together. Grace held her own and I got tired about the same time she did. I decided that I am now as fit as a 9 year old :)...

I hope you all had a nice weekend! xxxooo

Cruisin at 166 or so

I am still here. There was no change this morning either (a bit up actually but I ignore that)...get a mental picture of me with my fingers in my ears, my eyes closed and I am singing lalalalala.

I have a real problem with my clothes though. I have a fine wardrobe for summer but it is coming on fall and although I purchased three sweaters and gained two pairs of jeans from my daughter a couple of weeks ago I am still short when it comes to work wear. I am trying really hard to wear the summer skirts and blouses with ever changing sweaters on top. My daughter gave me two pairs of slacks but I do not like them (really wide legs that look stupid on me).

I am also wearing bras that have space for another boob. I can actually fit my whole hand in the dead air space (ok don't get a mental picture of that one). Thank goodness the bras are those foam formed ones that hold their shape whether empty or full. I am pretending I still have big boobs even though I do not.

I want to get to goal and do the whole new wardrobe at that weight thing....how much will two pounds change me? Should I just go for it? Waiting for a finish line sucks.

xxxooo