Down Again but Hungry Today

I dropped another couple of pounds today. I wish the scale would do this everyday! I am doing a grandma babysit while my daughter is off on her first work and class day for the term. I still have a bit of prep work for the class I teach tomorrow night and have been doing that on my computer while my grandson makes a mess :)..he likes to dump out boxes in whatever form they arrive in. So far it has been Grace's shoe bin, her horse play set and his toy box.

I am having one snack after another this morning. I think not having my morning coffee has thrown me off. thus far I have had one choban Peach Yogurt, an ounce of mozzerella cheese, another ounce of cheddar cheese and two crackers. All of these have been chased by huge yawns on my part.

And the Milestones Keep On Coming

I went to my daughters house today for breakfast. She had some clothes saved for me to try on. Ones that looked great on her a mere 6 months ago but she has since shrunk out of. She said I should try them on..I was dubious. Well I now am the proud owner of two pairs of sized 10 (yes 10...10, 10, 10, 10) jeans and then two pairs of the same sized slacks and two sized medium tops and tadahhh finally a sized small cardigan. Ok..I am not completely delusional The slacks were from the Gap and the jeans were Wranglers and stretch on top of it.

During the afternoon We all went shopping to the outlet malls. I tried on a couple of cardigans at Cabi (one medium did not fit while one did but neither of them were very flattering). I went to Liz Claiborne and tried on a pair of dark blue jeans. They fit nicely (sized 10). I found an awesome muffin-top smoothing camisole at Liz Claiborne. A size medium top smoothed my muffin top quite nicely. The camisoles came in white, black and nude however the only size medium came in nude or I would have bought all three.

My dream size...12...my 5 pounds from goal size....10........wow.

Update: On a lark I went back in time (thanks for the idea Kajun Gumbo). This time in 2007-I was waiting to get an appointment to see Dr. Wolfe and going through my pre-visit tests (weight-298). 2008-barfing up a chicken sandwich after driving through MacDonalds and thinking I could drink, eat and drive like I used to (weight-280). In 2009 I was in Dresden on a business trip and feeling pretty smug with myself about my weight-loss (Just in the largest size in the regular section and weight-225).

170 baby

I hit it. the low-awaited never thought I would get her again in a million years. I really thought (130 some pounds ago) that best I would end up at is around 200. It is really cool but there are some pros and cons---Pro...Stamina (I will let you figure out in what ways). Con-I have as of yesterday developed a flappy fold of skin on the bottom of my butt cheeks. They hit the back of my legs in a really annoying way when I walk. pro-i can see body parts that I have not seen in several years. Con-those body parts are pretty wrinkly with melted candle-like skin.

We went downtown today to the Saturday market. It isn't as much fun when what you have in your own garden is pretty much the same thing they have at the market. We picked up a funky little grapefruit sized melon and a bag of Gravenstein apples. After returning our purchases to the car we walked into the shopping district via Starbucks. We looked around the shops, had lunch, walked back up to the historical museum and then home...probably walked 2 miles over all.

While we were downtown there was a race going on called the Oyster race. It sounds really cool...I might log that one in my mind a something to try and do next year. I asked my husband to see if I could badger him into doing it with me. He actually said YES!! I will keep you posted if we manage to put this one together.

Boo Hoo....Titties or Nipples?

Like the others I am bummed that I cannot go to Boobs...The excitement is building but Amanda over Amanda's Waning has organized our own little mini-boobs in Eugene next Sunday. There is a small group of us Northwest bandsters who, for a variety of reasons, are not able to hang with the big girl boobies in Chicago next weekend. We, luckily have a mini-event of our own to go to. We are calling it Titties or Nipples? :) Thus far the guest list includes:

Amanda from Amanda's Waning (of course)
Debi from Hawaii Bound Bandster
and Janelle at Lap Band Living (I Just Found Her Blog Because of This Event!)

It is really a small, casual, and family friendly affair. If you are locating driving distance from Eugene and want to join us please email me or go over to Amanda's page and let her know.

Food Porn? With and Update

I am eating the most delicious juicy turkey reuben sandwich right now. Luxurious toasted bread with caraway seeds, delicious fresh tasting sauerkraut, fresh turkey, tomato, very thinly sliced red onions and exquisite thousand island dressing that drips out with every bite. The bread is the perfect amount of toasted crunch coupled with slightly soggy mush from the sauerkraut juice and dressing....

in contrast I am scared. With every bite I am trying to quell my excitement at such a delicious lunch. My mind and body are screaming at me to take very large bites and swallow quickly so that I can take a another. while my common sense is screaming..don't forget you have a band and if you don't chew the pain will be horrible and if you eat too much you will have to run out of your office and down the hall to a public restroom to PB. My fortitude is being tested...can I listen to my common sense? Can I balance the pleasure with the requirements that my band makes upon me?

After three luxurious bites and as much chewing as my excited senses will allow I forcefully have had to put the sandwich down and push it away....I HAVE to stop and listen....am I full...I knew that I would not hear with that gorgeous sandwich in my hands....it is on the corner of my desk. it still smells so good. I have opened this post in order to occupy my hands so that I do not grab at the sandwich for a few minutes (you cannot type with greasy 1000 island dressing hands)....breathing now....the sandwich is sitting OK. I can feel it in my stomach but I have not over eaten nor, I don't think, have I failed to chew an errant strand of onion or kraut. ahhh my comfortable burps. That means my food has hit band...and better yet is going through.

Ok...I think I have some control again. I think it is important to realize (hence this post) that just because i have had my little band for more than two years does not mean that I have a good grip on food. It is still there. Sometimes the desire to plunge myself into my old friend is very strong. Since my fill last week the desire has resurfaced with a vengeance.

As I have said in other posts I truly believe this is my body weight thermostat fighting to hold onto my weight. This morning I was back down to 172. My clothes have loosened up considerably and I am headed into a huge milestone. I am about to forge all time lows in my weight. From the age of 12 until I was 19 I weighed 170 pounds. Briefly for one week when I was 17 I dropped to 165 pounds. My goal is 164.5 I am in that zone. the stuff of only brief fleeting moments of my life. My body is still fighting..it fights through all of my senses not just my stomach. Right now it is tapping in my mind; screaming at me to wolf some food down and chase down high carbohydrate, high calorie items. My band...my friend...is helping me at least keep the demons at bay. 7.5 pounds to go.

Update-I ended up managing two more bites before I called it quits. It was delicious in every way and 5 bites were enough. I then walked across campus to a meeting and stashed the leftovers in the fridge there. I stayed so full for the next hour and 1/2 that I couldn't really even drink anything. I ended up forgetting the leftovers and came home remaining full (but could sip water) until 9pm. I just finished aobut 3/4 cup of chicken curry soup over the last 30 minutes. My total food for the day:

Breakfast-tall skim peppermint mocha
Lunch-5 bites (focusing on getting mostly turkey)of my sandwich
Dinner-3/4 c chicken coconut curry soup

As a side note-I did not push away that sandwich. It was pure band delivered fear that did it. If my stomach could have taken that bad boy in I would have wolfed it down. Just 5 bites was probably a better experience than the whole thing would have been. It was as close to an orgasmic experience as I have ever had with food.

A New Day and Nicely a New Award

at the the banded lady gave me this award. Thank you! It is fun to watch these awards wind their way around the band-o-sphere among friends.

Answer the question: If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

This is a tough question because like,The Banded Lady (I cannot find a name for you?) I am the product of my life, warts and all. If I Absolutely have to I guess there woulds be two things really-

one that I have lived more in the moment (appreciated myself when i weighed 170, enjoyed my kids when they were young instead of always looking at what I could do better (like weightloss) or what my kids were going to be like or do when they got older or reached the next milestone.

The second-would be to have learned the lesson-that doing something relatively small every day consistently is much more important in changing your life than doing big things perfectly. My whole life I have been a bit of a perfectionist and ended up either trying and failing and giving up or doing things in big chunks at the last minute. I think this failure to attend to the little things is largely responsible for my past failures at weight loss. Now don't get me wrong..I still maintain that the obesity game is mostly about the physical not behavioral..but adding little bits of exercise and changing little things (often band forced) has made a world of difference in how I live now. So much so that I am trying to carry those changes over into other facets of my life.

both of these things I had to learn with experience though. those trials and failures and hindsight are just the blocks that provided me this view from the top of the hill (I believe that is a metaphor for middle age isn't it?)

now to six awardees-I am picking those among my followers or who I follow who have less than 100 followers. These guys are great bloggers and you really should see their progress!

Dee and Kajun gumbo. She has been at this band thing for a while and I have followed her for a long time. I remember her surgery, her frustrations as she worked her way up to a good fill level and now her awesome success with the band and everyday work to share with us her life and band experiences.


Justine and Adventures in BandlandJustine is a fellow coffee drinker (do they have Starbucks in your new village justine?). She lives in the UK and just moved form the big bad city to a smaller village and is planning all kinds of home fix it stuff. I do love to watch the home fix it progress along with body improvements and Justine provides both on her blog.

Rick at Band TogetherRick just had his band installed in July. He has had quite the run around in getting a fill. He is new to blogland but is still losing weight even though he is fill free :) I also hear he works in the wine industry...gotta love a man that knows his wine.

Caroline and Lonicera's Lapband and Other Stories Caroline also lives in the UK and tells the most amazing stories with PICTURES!! She has had her band a while now and she is slowly taking off the weight. I think her doctor just gave her too big of a band because she has had trouble getting a good fill (she is way full of saline)...The weight is coming off though and she will succeed. Caroline is a photographer extraordinaire and includes some of her photos in every post. She also has another blog that his funny!

Stephanie at A New Me. Stephanie just found me and I found her back. She has a very pretty blog (I do love nice backgrounds). She is at the beginning of her journey waiting for approval. She needs all of our support and frankly..It is really awesome to think back to my early stage days and all of the highs and lows associated with that stage of the band game so we need each other!

Doc Sly over at The First Day of the Rest of My Lifethe doc is a fellow bandster and professor working in Education. She is also a fellow grandma. She has become a not so regular blog poster but when she does post they are good ones full of her life in the midwest, balancing work, leisure, health and her family.

Plugging Away

I spent the weekend continuing my quest to organize things. I am diligently keeping up on my new calendar regime. Cleaning house and doing laundry on the weekend and planning our meals for the week. None of it is perfectly accomplished but baby steps are baby steps.

My weightloss is tipping downward again. This morning I hit 173 again (hooray). I was 175 on the doctors office scale. This was all up from last month at this time when I hit an all time low of 171. As usual and going against the opinion of most other bloggers I follow, when I wonder if I need a fill or not I find out that yes I definitely needed one.

I can tell I have had a fill. The food moves through my stoma at a much slower rate than it did before. I was back up to having the ability to eat more than 1/2 sandwich before the fill (always my test marker and I let it slide this time). Now I am back down to 1/2 a sandwich minus a crust. I am good with drinking a milky coffee (12 oz) for breakfast and I do not go looking for food until well after noon.

My last fill before this one was May...that is one long run and I probably should have gone in when I hit 171 a month ago.