Yin Yang or rama-

I cant think of a good title so that one works as well as any other. Today was ok. Way too early-I had to get up at 7am. the girls were mostly good. they entertain themselves much better than the brownies that I usually work with can. We only had to climb up to our camping area once. The rest of the time we cooked, made name badges, chilled out in the shade oh and They had to clean the Biffy (bathroom in the forest for you) NASTY and im very grateful that they clean it and not me.

After camp my Dd and carpool partners went to dinner at McDonalds ( I know, I know counter productive in a big way). we needed a nice greasy lazy reward for our day long efforts don't you think?

I need to have my head examined!

arghghg! I made the fatal error of volunteering! All next week I will be leading 10 girl scouts and 2 PA's (i don't know what the letters stand for but they are supposed to be the older girls who herd and lead the younger ones). Im not sure how good of a job the PA's will do...I had to chase one around during training on Saturday so im kinda worried. I will have the lovely pleasure of helping these girls earn an outdoor fun badge. to do so we have to HIKE! eek...one short and one long-up a trail called suicide hill (just the title has me shaking in my boots!). I walked up to our campsite and was panting and wheezing like crazy.

As usual I have managed to screw around and not get my work done this week or this weekend....I dont know if it is me or if I have too much work to accomplish. I think I go to too much effert on each project and need to let go and just get some of this stuff done. screw giving each student specific feedback-just give them a grade and move on!...Of course this work will not go away while I am spending all day at camp. I will have to come home and continue to work at night.

In addition to this I caught some stupid flu or cold thing that has been going around the house..sore throat, stuffy nose, constant nasal drip cold and then hot and then sweating argh...

I think I need to go to bed so that I can wake up with a better attitude. Maybe tomorrow...Ill check in and let you know of my day long torture!!

I Had a Dream

I'm not usually one of those metaphysical, lets see what my dreams mean kind of people but I have the most real dream about my surgery last night. I went in, had a whole conversation about how the surgery would proceed with the surgeon (my dream surgeon was way better looking than my real one!!), had the surgery and the spend the rest of the dream walking the halls of the hospital with a full feeling. I remember thinking to myself (while in my dream) how satiated I felt. Not full not hungry just not interested.

I hope that I eventually really get that feeling. Of course-i kinda doubt it given all of the posts from post banded people who talk about head hunger and the desire to eat a lot and fast again. I have less than one month to go...I can't wait to get this show on the road.

figuring it all out!

Well I took the post-doc position I was offered. I am still hot happy that I had to keep doing the same job for the next three years but I think it is the right decision for now. My boss has agreed to pay me more than what I asked for so tuition for my two older daughters at university will be doable.

My youngest daughter has been accepted at a local magnet school. It is all problem-based, students are arranged in ages 6-8, 9-12, 12-15 and 16-18. The focus is on getting kids active opportunities to learn! Classroom sizes are small and I am very excited to have her away at school for part of the day again.

We are going to make a big move to the town where this school is located (only 20 minutes away). It is a small town 1/2 agriculturally based and 1/2 home to a small private university. Our task now is to get our house finished and on the market so we can find and buy someplace new.

My 23 year old daughter, boyfriend and baby have decided to move home and we are looking for a place with another living space. Either two houses on a property or a duplex so that I can help and they can help us with house and yard care when we go out of town. We have even discussed the possibility of land, chickens, and even a horse. None of this is set in stone yet!!

If all of the above plans work out I am excited!

A New date: A new stab at lapband

I got a call two days ago from doctors office. I will now be having lapband surgery on August 15-3 months later than planned but hopefully in a more healthful place!

I will be missing 2 days of work but my boss says its ok. She is very supportive of the surgery and said to me: get it done with so you can get going!

The busy weeks of high school graduation are over. all of my daughters were home. It was great to see them and my new grandson. I am kicking myself that I did not get a picture of all of them as having them all together will probably happen only rarely from here on out. My oldest daughter is trying to transfer her graduate studies closer to home. I think she is realizing that having grandma close by to help babysit is a plus! My second daughter is back at college for the summer working on campus. my third daughter (the graduate) got a job at a local clothing store and is planning on working as much as possible this summer to save up for next year at university.

Soo starting next fall it will be just the three of us-my husband, 7 year old and I. I am still not sure if I will be working at a real job next year or another post doc position, if we will continue to live in this house, if i can afford all of the university tuition I need to pay, etc........I know i should just take the post doc and get used to having the lapband etc. I am just tired of my job and want something new!

Feeling Better

I am finally home-and feeling better.

The plane was a never ending adventure yesterday as it was delayed so long that we had a 30 minute connection in Seattle. We made it-the last flight out of Seattle to Portland where I had to wait around for my husband to fly in from Phoenix (despite the airport signs and not a employee in sight saying that the flight had already arrived) and home. I planned on waiting to take my pill until evening as I read a website that said taking it in the evening would help the nausea but of course-by the time I got home at 1am I was way to tired to dig the darn things out of my suitcase. I skipped it. I had a couple of dreams in the middle of the night that the faucets had started up again but phew-i was safe and everything was fine. I lazed in a bit today reading a book I started on the planes. My house is Clean as my 18 year old kept it up while I was gone. The yard is weed free (a garden guy came while I was gone) and the weather is one of those perfect Spring days. LIFE IS GOOD!

So you may wonder? is she bipolar? the last post was the crazy lady from hell! Well I am still on the pill but i skipped one yesterday. I did take it again this morning and so far fingers crossed no nausea.

I cancelled my lapband surgery---well actually i attempted to postpone it but the scheduler from hell only let me cancel, requesting that I get my files sent over for the surgeon to have a look at. Ill keep you posted....

so onto the next adventures...

my DH will be gone to Belgium, France, Dublin, Denver, Japan and China in the next three months---Any votes as to which I should attempt to go to? I would like to go to them all but Im not sure if we can afford summer airfare!

Its Not Cancer But I'm Postponing The Band

So I was correct I found out on Monday about the blood tests and even biopsy. Even though I have to say she was obviously worried about me because i found a message from Saturday. She called to check on me and see how I was doing! On a weekend! OMG that is unheard of as far as I am concerned!

Anyway back to the blood test---

I am down 100 iron tablets (the Gyno's words not mine). I am supposed to stay on the pill for two months (with a 1 week break), and empty a bottle of iron. I have to say although I am happy that faucet has turned off I HATE THE PILL and I HATE TAKING IRON

1. I am a bitch-no other way to slice it. I hate my 6 year old, I hate my life, I hate my job...I am angry I want to commit violence. As we speak I am in a hotel room in Alaska next to my 6 year old. She wont go to sleep and it is 11pm. I need to be alone and she wont go to sleep and I am about to start crying....methinks it is the hormones talking or I need some serious mental medication.

2. I have morning sickness from the damn pills. I dont actually barf but I have been sick to my stomach for 4 days. All the time (I am losing weight-but dont really care)

3. I am constipated from the darned iron tablets-its green and I feel like a horse if you catch my innuendo.

4. I have so much work to do and I cannot get caught up. I have another trip to take and people demanding that I read documents, do observations, get ready for my older daughters high school graduation, write two papers, correct assignments, complete reports, attend meetings, find a new job, apply for conferences.......I do not have time to take another two weeks off from work.

My blood work is crap, No one knows why I was bleeding, I'm on the pill for two months, Im tired, and I have too much work. Soooo...I am rescheduling the band for summer. My husband thinks I should still try but (im crying again)...I can't (not usually a word in my vocabulary).

So there you go a self-inflicted (sort of) set back.

Now I have to go write some papers! but joy of all joys-at 11:05 she fell asleep. Exactly the same time as she has done for the past 4 days. She wanted to sleep on time so we could go down for breakfast tomorrow. There is no way in hell I am waking her up! soooo tomorrow is cereal in our room.

**disclaimer-despite my post stating a desire to commit violence I am not actually doing so-I just want to!!