Ticker Talk

I had to update my ticker yesterday. I quite liked the reminder that I made it down to 162. According to my ticker that was a very long time ago :) My ticker shut down yesterday stating that i had not updated it in more than 80 days. Well as I was prompted I had to be honest and log my current weight. It is up 7 pounds from goal and 9 from my all time low.

This is the first time I have ever allowed myself to log bad news on my ticker. I have always lost and then bounced up for a while in weight. I never wrote these bounces down though. I wrote down my low weight and then just waited for the next one to come along. I am still working out how to 'do' goal. or in this situation maybe not 'do' it. Technically I am 7 pounds from goal again and need to get my butt back in the saddle eh?

We are in chaos at home right now. I am surrounded by mess, boxes and all of the things children decide must be played with when you are trying to pack everything up. All of this packing has made it difficult to eat or not eat the things I usually do (not that this is necessarily a bad thing!!). This morning I have just eaten a bowl of raisin bran! I have not been able to eat cereal with milk in ages. I have not been able to eat a cup of the stuff in even longer. Right now..I am making the call.

Do you think this getting in for a fill stuff is what makes the band problematic sometimes?

xxxooo

Some Weighty Reflections

I have not yet made that fill appointment as a funny thing happened during the weekend that has me obsessing over the decision yet again.

So ever since Spring break (after the tightening few days on my way down) I have been miss loosy band goosey. Well yesterday almost one month to the day! of my trip to SFO I had a little episode with a quick slam breakfast (yup I could do that up until yesterday). Apparently my monthly hormonal fluctuation has a HUGE impact on my band tightness. So this got me to thinking. If I am going from too loose a fill to too tight of a fill every month how the heck am I going to find a perfect spot for most of it? Do I wait until this tight thing fades and then get a fill with the plan that I will have a week or so of liquid diet to get through every month? Do I need to carefully watch the days and prepare for this band tightening? So the facts:

1. From the 25 of one month until the 18 or so of the next I can eat like a crazy woman and my inner voice urges me to do so.
2. from the 18-15 of the month I can currently eat but suffer from acid reflux at night and if I am not careful (slow eating, careful chewing and stick to softish stuff) I will end up getting stuck or spending some quality time with the garbage disposal.

I so need to make that appointment and talk it over with my surgeon or Nurse. To fill or not to fill...now that is the question again.

back to my other non-bandy life. We spent yesterday hauling crap to our newly christened big storage unit. We got word today that the small house (two bedroom, 1200 square feet and a nice little side yard) that we applied to rent has been approved. We will start moving over on Thursday and aim to be out of this house by the weekend.

On Saturday and Sunday David mostly cleaned out the garage and some boxes of stuff from the kitchen that we only rarely use. I am having a heck of a time deciding what should go to storage and what we will actually live with for whatever period we choose to stay in this situation.

We are quite excited about the fact that this house is in a semi urban set up. it is walking distance from two grocery stores, our local train line, coffee shops and restaurants, a fabric and craft store, and other little shops. Across the street from our house is a neighborhood swimming pool and park with a play structure. This arrangement will provide us with one last chance to decide if we are going to live as city people who keep a horse in a stable or continue to pursue the country life...looking for property and house further out. In either case it will be a fun adventure :)

Top Ten Signs It is Time for a Fill-Even After Goal

1. Beef? No problem
2. Muffin Top has made a Reappearance
3. I can chug a lug a coffee in the morning after eating.
4. My slacks are so tight that I need to change them after work
5. The scale has passed the scary threshold
6. I am hungry
7. Even my wildest rationalizations as to why I shouldn't get a fill have gone hollow (more fruits and vegetables but...seeking snacks like a heat seeking missile constantly-summer vacation easy eating but wont be able to fit into my vacation clothes).
8. I had a bout of panting on staircase flight three.
9. when I was once thinking I needed new smaller tshirts I am not worried I need larger ones.
10. I failed the grilled cheese test (1 whole sandwich eaten with ease)

Another random thought...do you all remember the feelings of failure you experienced pre-band? or even post-band for some I suspect. Well...I am feeling those feelings. That out of control when every attempt to gain control of my eating desires and behaviors seems to end in a big fail. I hope a fill will help me get back on. I hope that I feel this way not because I have somehow figured out how to eat around my band but because somehow my stomach has changed or I have fluid evaporation or whatever rationalization it takes for there to be a good reason for this fill.

I am calling to make another appointment tomorrow...and no cancellation allowed!

I think we will actually be moving.

So it appears that the house move is still on. The latest inspection (appraisal phase) came in find today. This means that we now have until May 1 to find another place to live. That is less than two weeks away.

Today I started packing in earnest and started freaking out a bit :)

Apparently the rental market is up because the local major employer has recently taken on another several hundred employees. This means that while there were plenty of 2 and 3 bedroom apartments available a few weeks ago they are now at a premium. Tomorrow we have to go out and find a place that I can stand (because I am the picky one) and sign for it. I hope we find something.

Fun and Adventures Under the House...AKA Condom Woman

I finally quit procrastinating when my friend/real estate agent came over to go down under with me. We both suited up in our bunny suits after a stiff dose of coffee and a cigarette (for me it was just second hand smoke but as the child of a smoking family I do love the occasional second hand smoking event)...but I digress. It was sheer hell under the house. Being the lemonade maker that I am NOT!! I cannot help but feel a huge sense of accomplishment that I actually went under the house and crawled around. at 304 pounds I would have forced David to go down there and sat on the couch or told him what to do from the opening.

Instead..I went down but made David come down later to take care of a huge mass of messed up wires that I had no expertise to pull, cut or take care of. I on the other hand crawled around nailing wires up to hold bit old bats of insulation, nailed and screwed beams so they were more secure and kicked a few concrete piers so that they were centered under support beams (My friend helped a huge amount!). We ended up filling a big garbage bag with clipped cable and phone wires David assured me that none of these now clipped and dumped wires were doing anything)a bunch of nasty insulation bats, a length of plumbing and a vent pipe.

We crawled around in there from 3 until 7 (with one break after a panic attack when a mass of insulation and sawdust rained down on my head and my head lamp fell off). The job is almost done. Tomorrow we will go down again to lay plastic and add some insulation to a few easy places.

Just when you think you are looking pretty damn good after weight loss I will post for your viewing pleasure how bad anyone can look in a bunny suit. I think I look like a condom actually :)





One final note..after my under the house adventure I went off to play bunco. When I got home and was getting out of my friends car we both saw a frog go hopping across the street in the flash of her headlights...I went and caught it and brought it into the house to show Grace..He was a cute little guy so David snapped a picture.

I Am Alive

I am here. I have occasionally been able to read the blogs. I have let my farmville fields sit empty again and I have some sinus cold thing from hell. My band is pretty open and I am hankering for a fill again but the scale just sticks at around 167-168 every morning. I am sure in another couple of weeks it will tighten up and drop me back to 164 for another round of the same.

Work is work..I am in negotiations with David again about what do do about work next year. No decisions have been made but lots of talking has gone on. I wish these kinds of decisions were simple and obvious instead of so darned difficult and strategic.

I am posting this blog in a sad attempt to avoid crawling under my house to clean up 'stuff' and install some insulation in under a couple of bedrooms. I have my stripey work overalls and long sleeved shirt ready to go. I have a car full of insulation stips and gloves but I am thinking of reasons to go back to the home-fix it store so I can avoid actually crawling under the house.

I have to pick Grace up at school at 2:30...do you think putting it off for another hour and 1/2 is really procrastinating or is it just good planning? :)

I cannot wait until Summer!!!!!!!!

xxxoooo

Just a quickie-

Work is still driving me crazy..good bad and ugly..I still want to quit without actually having to quit or choose one job over the other!! I am still vowing not to decide until summer.

The house people are wanting to do more appraising but the stuff isn't all done but they are barging in anyway. Contractors have been coming and going and calling and the cash register sound is kachinging right and left (annoying the hell out of me) and I don't want to spend anymore.

it is midnight for the third day in a row and I just finished plowing through a pile of work I have to prep for tomorrow morning.

OH and what the hell but I started playing farmville again? am I CRAZY??? I know it is a brain dead thing but like I don't have enough on my plate..FARMVILLE?? I would much rather plant some real seeds but my dirt is soon to not be my own and I have no dirt to dig my hands into yet (Nichole says she is going to call a community garden and see if we can get a plot).

thats it for now. On the food front I am still mostly eating OK..I do enjoy the lettuce and steak that the band is letting through. I am hanging between 164 ane 170..I would prefer to hang closer to 164 but Im not sure it is worth the tightness or hassle needed. I took my bike in for a brake change (L-shaped ones that I can get to from the top of the curved handle-bars). I am looking forward (kinda-with trepidation) to getting back on it again. FIngers crossed I stay on this time!!

xxxooo

Skin

This morning while showering I had a bit of a skin moan fest that I thought i would share...I have skin. I have 140 pounds of empty skin and there are days when I am naked that it bugs the hell out of me.

The three most bugging locations are my stomach, my arms and my boobs. Yes I know I should be happy with the 140 pound weight loss and do not get me wrong I so am. It is just these periodic shower episodes that get me down sometimes. I have a good four inches of arm flap that swings int he breeze. I have a good 12 inches of boob hang (like a large melted Buddha candle)or as my grandson calls him...booba. and then there is my stomach. it has gone from round and flappy to just super flappy with the very strangest squared off corners as it seeks its way down over my now bony hips.

These moments are not daily..but they happen. I know I could have surgery but soon after my showers I put on clothes. With clothes on and in front of the mirror I feel better. The size small yoga pants smooth out my stomach. My wonderful bra harnesses my boob sag and hauls the girls in a perkier location at a young alertness only the bits of elastic and nylon can. Only my flappy arms play daily peek-a-boo if I am wearing a short sleeve...these keep me aware of the ravages to my body inflicted with years of obesity. I participated in this obesity. My hormones or my brain or whatever causes our descent in to obesity contributed. Now at 47 I wear these skin scars that sometimes annoy.

xxxooo

More Pictures and Stuff

This week like last week has been craziness. David went out of town right in the midst of a huge series of data reading and meeting presentations for me. This of course caused our childcare applecart to upturn and I survived on 4 hours sleep (but happily good food choices) for the week while juggling my daughter, my grandson babysitting duties, teaching and researching.

In addition to that a host of contractors descended on us to fix all of the valid inspection items before the house sale is completed. We now have a new roof, a re-stacked chimney and under-house stuff on the radar to be fixed. We signed yet another offer agreement last night (I think this is number 6 or 7 back and forth). Hopefully this will be the last and we can begin the process of finding a new place to live and packing and culling all of our crap (I do love weeding personal goods).

Now back to calmer and more enjoyable things-vacation!!



Castella Di Amaroso Winery: David and I in front of the Castle



Grace in the vines at the winery



David and Grace in front of barrels full of wine



Grace near wine barrels: Red wine!!

The food choice thing:

I had an epiphany while in the midst of my week. I have developed a soft food habit and a sneaky snacky habit. The realization that I have shifted from normal food and meals to lots of sweet coffee and cookies. This downward spiral began at Christmas and has in on again off again ways continued since.

Over the last week I rediscovered the joys of real food and less 'treating'. It started with the purchase of a milk frother. I have really hopped off the Starbucks train. This means that I am also not privy to any cookie or cake purchases. On the other hand my coffee consumption has gone up a bit.

The loosening of my band, I have discovered, also means that I can eat raw fruit, and (drum roll please) salad!!! This week I have had a few salads. I cannot eat too much of any of these but they really stick with me. I mix in a bit of fish, ham or chicken with the salads or fruit with cottage cheese.

I am recommitting to being aware and conscious of what I put in my mouth. I do not need to treat myself every day or even more than once a day although I don't think I have managed this completely.

So far things are good. It is funny really-I had this epiphany right after I made an appointment to go in an get a tiny fill...I had to cancel the fill because of the crazy David out of town work thing but I am, after all, happy it triggered this latest development.

Speaking of which...this Dr. Oz craziness that everyone is talking about...I cannot believe that Oz would be stupid enough to have such an unrepresentative example of people with a lapband. For goodness sake there are highly effective well known lapband surgeons out there and all Dr. Oz had to do was contact one of them to get him a good lapband example...it is completely a shame really.

What I eat:

Thursday:
Breakfast-nonfat peppermint mocha
mid-morning snack-cottage cheese and pineapple
lunch-happens very late in the afternoon: chef salad with cottage cheese as dressing. I ate this while i taught two classes (so a bit here and there and between class)
Dinner-lunch continued.
Nightime snack: 1/2 a peanut butter cookie.

Friday:

Breakfast: nonfat peppermint mocha
Lunch: 3oz cheddar cheese and 3 crackers
Snack: 1/2c nonfat frozen yogurt Costco
Dinner: salad with honey mustard dressing (honey mustard with water and poured over the top), 1 cheese ravioli, 2 oz havarti cheese.
1/2 cup chocolate ice cream.

Saturday:
Breakfast: nonfat peppermint mocha
snack: banana
Lunch: 3/4 oz havarti cheese, two broccoli spears two bites steak.
Snack: Grace made chocolate cake: one small piece.
Dinner: 1/c paneer curry with 1/4 cup rice and two bites of naan bread.
Snack: another coffee

MIA with a side of food porn (pictures!!!).

I don't think I have shifted gears this fast in quite some time. We cut our vacation short by one day because we decided we should get home and start packing. The day before we left Napa we found that instead of packing we had some issues with the inspection made by the buyers. Since back it has been full on back to work, fixing house stuff.

Where I left off:

Napa was great!! The wine, the scenery, the food..all excellent. I would have liked sunshine but it was still good enough in rain.





Grace and Gnocchi

I do not remember what she had with the salad.

A nice Napa wine


Gone :)



David's dessert..Profiteroles, ice cream and chocolate



a delicious Lemon Passion fruit Pot de Creme.

After several minutes of picture problems I got these up. They are all from our dinner at Bouchon. I will include a few over the next few posts-tomorrow (or later this week) will be winery pics.


Saturday Morning woke up and after checking the road conditions we found that again the pass over Mt. Shasta was reporting chains required. David did not want to risk being turned back so we took off directly north of Napa and headed up the coast road We drove and drove and drove while listening to Malcolm Gladwell (books on CD). We listened to the tipping point (good)..and Outliers (GREAT!!!). I highly recommend listening to a book on CD while on road trips and recommend Malcolm Gladwell too. We listened to Grace's selection during the drive down (The mixed up files of Mrs. E Frankweiler).

We got home around midnight Saturday night. On Sunday my grandson came over for the day while Nichole studied for her exam (she took it Friday) and looked over the inspection report. It was BAD! They said we needed a new roof, new siding, new plumbing, new windows, had 'biological material' growing in a part of the attic, had pipes that did not exit the house, needed to add insulation..on and on. The buyers despite low-balling us on a selling price and our accepting this price wanted us to pay for all of the repairs. David was Mad..I sat down with the report and read it carefully with a pen in hand.

1. the inspector broke our closet doors and inexplicably bend our toilet roll holder in half (I don't even want to imagine what he did on our toilet to do that!!). The report from my thankfully nosy neighbor was that he was in our house unsupervised from 10 in the morning until 4pm. Imagine our surprise in coming home Saturday night to find dirt all over the hallway, broken closet doors and a limp toilet roll holder in our main bathroom.

2. The roof was installed 10 years ago but sadly has somehow lost its grit and will need to be replaced. We are offering to pay half.

3.The inspector is full of crap on the siding. It is fine (must have vision problems). We said NO.

4. The inspector was freaking blind as he has pictures of our NEW plumbing running right alongside the cast iron plumbing he complained about.

5. He reported that we had wooden sash windows. We have some vinyl and some original aluminum double paned windows in our house (???).

6. He correctly identified that we had some missing insulation over the kitchen that we remodeled a couple of years ago and never replaced. yesterday we spent the day in the attic and fixed up all of the stuff of there that needed it as well as blew in insulation. It was agony and fun at the same time.

7 The 'missing' vents were right where we left them and working just fine :) Again he seemed to have some vision problems.

7.The biological material was an old vacated bees nest. I belly crawled across a piece of plywood and with a hammer and stick pulled the thing off the wall and into a garbage bin (it was old and no living beings were involved). I actually found two others that the blind inspector missed and cleaned those out as well. They are HUGE and really cool!! I was also quite impressed with myself...I actually crawled around in an attic and did commando belly crawls all over the place.

When the buyer's agent received our counter proposal (basically we said we would fix a bunch of the smaller stuff but only pay half the roof-it is a 7600 dollar price tag. She left an angry message on our agents machine calling us cheeky...sheesh I think cheeky is coming from her court!! After the agent calmed down she called back and suggested that her buyers would up the price by the other half of the roof cost in order to get the sale to go through.

Hopefully that offer will be formalized and we will have a new roof on this started this week. Next weekend the plan is to 'do' the crawl space like we did the attic this weekend. We will clean things up and fix some fallen insulation but not add any more.

My workload this term is pretty heavy. I have data piled up all over the place at my first job and we are having to analyze it and get it ready for sharing it with the participants (Tuesday and Wednesday). I now have three students who want tutoring help and I am teaching two classes at my local community college. Right now the community college job and tutoring are by far my favorites but I know the research is good for me :).

On top of all of that I am already behind at work and had to go in for today in preparation for two meetings next week. David will be out of town for a few days (in direct conflict with my meetings)...eeeekkkk.

On the food front I gained for the first time (that I remember) on vacation post band. I was back up to 170 when I got home. I definitely think I deserved it after Napa and the drinking in San Francisco. I have noticed this 180-164 cycle seems to be becoming a pattern. I made a fill appointment for tomorrow but I think I will have to cancel it because I have yet more work to finish in prep for our meetings next week :(.